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AIBU?

To think I know better than an 'expert' what caused my dc's autism?

131 replies

ShamefulDodger · 11/07/2017 22:18

Had a rather heated exchange earlier with a friend of my dsis.

This friend has apparently 'done a degree' in Autism, and was asking me some questions. I'd previously agreed to talk to him (I usually would avoid a social situation where I am the focus on pain of death)

I stated that in my family's case I believed it was a genetic cause.

Straight away he it seemed to me jumped down my throat and started to argue that actually he thought it was more likely to be certain factors during my pregnancy and that there are always multiple factors, never just genetic Confused

My dd has been diagnosed with ASD, as have I and my father, though we were diagnosed much later on in life. From stories we've heard about my granny (Df's mum) I would hazard a guess that she would have been too.

He kept trying to talk over me or to me like I was stupid so I got upset and left Blush

It's not even really that he disagreed with me, it was the way he did it.

AIBU in thinking that even if you have a degree in something you shouldn't start arguing about it with someone who is actually living it?

OP posts:
Bigbiscuits · 11/07/2017 22:23

I think you have mansplained to

EastMidsMumOf1 · 11/07/2017 22:23

Experience beats books hands down. YANBU at all.

Broccolirevolution · 11/07/2017 22:24

Of course your opinion is valid, you are living it!

It might have been interesting to hear his research but obviously he hasn't put it across in a way that makes it something you want to look into.

You know what is true for you and what works for you.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 11/07/2017 22:24

He was bang out of order but I'm surprised you agreed in the first place.

Diagnosis is key and the why's, blames and where froms take a very far back second seat imo.

Don't let this bother you and keep going.

ShamefulDodger · 11/07/2017 22:26

Thanks all, I won't be agreeing to something like it again.

I guess whatever he was writing didn't fit in with what I was answering!

OP posts:
Moons1 · 11/07/2017 22:31

I'm sorry this person treated you that way. How awful.
You are not Bu. Arrogant git. Dd was diagnosed at 5 but we knew long before that. Like you her dad was diagnosed later and I can see huge similarities in his dad though not diagnosed.
Multiple factors? Where did he get his degree?

Floggingmolly · 11/07/2017 22:39

If he's discovered the causes of autism he should be being feted in the Lancet, not patronising random people who couldn't give a toss what he thinks.
What a dick.

LaurieFairyCake · 11/07/2017 22:40

Pfft .... Degree in Dick waddedness

rainbowduck · 11/07/2017 22:41

I have a friend like this. Doesn't understand why I won't pay to have DS's hair genetically tested to find out what natural supplements he needs to take to help balance his neurological disorder.

And then he starts on about vaccinations, blah, blah, blah.

It is all of my effort not to smack him in the mouth, TBH. I also firmly believe that DS's ASD is due to genetics. (Looking at his dad and grandfather also reinforce that its genetic in our instance!)

Smile sweetly and tell him to fuck off. Xxx

PickAChew · 11/07/2017 22:45

Sounds like the arrogant tosser only turned up to half of his lectures.

It runs through my family like a pair of muddy footprints, too.

FrancisCrawford · 11/07/2017 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madbum · 11/07/2017 22:49

What the fuck is a degree in Autism? A degree in how to be an arrogant prick seems more likely.

ShamefulDodger · 11/07/2017 22:49

What a dick

I knew that MN would cheer me up!

I won't be seeing him again, so I'll just have to content myself with re-runs where I imagine I told him to fuck right off to his face Grin

OP posts:
NotCitrus · 11/07/2017 22:49

'always' multiple factors, 'never' just genetic?
As someone who has a degree in emryonic neurobiology and has a child and other family members with autism, so obviously a world expert on such things (that's heavy sarcasm, btw) I'm sure he's talking bollocks.

Or more kindly, he's perhaps met too many people who think there must be 'an' autism gene and he's got used to having to explain there must be multiple genes and/or other factors involved, and cocked up his explanation. In ds's case the neurologist said we don't know what causes autism except that it isn't the MMR, but in his case it was "obviously inherited from both parents"!

Let's just say researchers into autism are often ones who struggle with social skills...

YouTheCat · 11/07/2017 22:50

What a knob.

Both of my kids are on the spectrum. I strongly suspect that I am and that my dad was.

I had a paediatrician try to tell me that my non-verbal ds (who she diagnosed as being mildly affected) was experiencing 'difficulties' due to a traumatic birth. It was all bollocks. I had a elective c section.

codswallopandbalderdash · 11/07/2017 22:52

Degree in autism??! What is the world coming to. FWIW there is a genetic link with autism.

cowsbus · 11/07/2017 22:52

What the fuck is a degree in Autism?

This, with bells on.

Nobody truly knows it unless you're living it. Nobody.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 11/07/2017 22:52

Ignore him he's a knob just because he has a degree doesn't mean that he understands autsium I believe it is genetic. My friend and her brother are both autstic and so is their dad but he wasn't diagnosed until he was in his 40's. So yes it can be genetic like most things.

Luckyaide · 11/07/2017 22:54

He's a Twat. I'm sure there's lots of evidence to support genetic link. Sorry he upset you op Flowers

smilingmind · 11/07/2017 22:59

I am not sure how it is transmitted but certainly I believe it is hereditary.
There are three recent cases in my family.

rollonthesummer · 11/07/2017 23:01

Can you get a degree in autism?!

wizzywig · 11/07/2017 23:03

Ummm look at uni of birmingham, cambridge and middlesex uni. They all offer degrees in autism. Ive done one. But i have the ability to have a two way conversation and not be an arse.

MissJSays · 11/07/2017 23:06

Well if he has done a degree relating to autism, he should be aware of research ethics! My early years degree was full of SEN stuff, I also have further autism training and work with children with autism but would NEVER speak to a parent this way. You guys know so much more than me because you live it every day.
Ignore him, he's just ridiculous.

wizzywig · 11/07/2017 23:06

Oops sorry, not cambridge uni. Here is birminghams degree www.birmingham.ac.uk/postgraduate/courses/taught/edu/autism-children.aspx

hellokittymania · 11/07/2017 23:07

You are not being unreasonable at all. I have met a few so called expert who I really want to punch. Just do what you need to do and ignore it.

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