To be considering ignoring medical advice and trying anyway?

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

I think IABVU, but need someone to talk sense into me! I've had three miscarriages in the last few months - all v early (two at five weeks, one at seven). I had my first meeting with a gynaecologist (in the NHS) about recurrent miscarriage today. She is willing to do tests, but said it would be October (at least - at one point she said three months, at another four) before all the results were back, at which time we'd have a second meeting. She said not to try to conceive until then. She also repeatedly emphasised that the odds were low of these tests showing anything - 30-40%, she said. I really desperately want to be pregnant again for both psychological and practical reasons (bit complicated but: on a fixed-term contract, will be a bit difficult if I get too close to the end of it before falling pregnant). This seems like a long time to wait when the likelihood is that at the end of it they'll tell me they've found nothing and to go off and try again. Is this an irrational reaction? Talk sense into me!

I'm so sorry for your losses.

A break of 3-4 months would give your body a chance to heal, for you to build up vitamins and strength. Perhaps the tests won't give you answers but you be physically and mentally stronger to cope with the journey ahead.

Did she explain why you shouldn't TTC until then?

summer - I think her exact words were that we should use condoms 'just on the chance that we do find something'.

(she also told me what to do if I did get pregnant, which made me think I wasn't the first patient to have this thought!)

I suffered recurrent early miscarriages. Was lucky enough to be investigated at one of the leading facilities in the country. They expressly told me that whilst a break between pregnancies could be mentally beneficial, it would have no impact on future pregnancies. Essentially they said that the whole 'having a break' thing is only beneficial for your body in a small percentage of cases.

BUT I had several back to back pregnancies and it was emotionally very hard. I definitely wasn't thinking clearly, I just wanted a baby so I very much remember that feeling which is why I have said the above about what I was told.

I really hope everything works out for you. I know anecdotal success stories can be unhelpful but just in case it's reassuring, I now have two children born with no miscarriages between them.

I had recurrent miscarriages, and I thought the chance of them finding anything on the tests was actually way lower than 30%. I didn't wait after my 3rd mc at all, and it was the one that stuck. So I went to the first rm clinic appointment pregnant, and the consultant said it was very normal and there was no evidence at all that there was any harm

What did she say to do if you do get pregnant?

I've had two miscarriages and been told to wait after each one but as far as I can tell this is not current guidance so I didn't. I mean we didn't try very hard those months but there's no way we would have used condoms unless the risk was something like infection risk etc.

For me a huge part of the frustration of miscarriage is the sense of wasted time. I don't want to wait around unless there's a very good reason to. 'Time to build up vitamins and rest' doesn't appear to have any medical credibility.

Tell them and take aspirin. To be clear, it was definitely in case the tests show something that there could be treatment for, not because it would be actually bad for me to get pregnant or anything like that. Completely agree about wasted time, Bertie. So sorry for those of you that have also been through this.

Your body recovers very well from early mc, if mentally you've recovered and feel strong enough to possibly face another loss I wouldn't use condoms x

I don't think I am fully mentally recovered, but I also don't think more time will help (I actually think it'll make me obsess all the more, and I also worry that waiting will put so much pressure on my first couple of cycles TTCing...). If I'm honest, I went batshit with anxiety with my last pregnancy. But I think that's what multiple losses does to you. I can't imagine any about of time would make me relaxed next time round (I'm also just not a very relaxed person!). Someone told me to 'try and enjoy being pregnant' last time. The idea seems so laughable to me!

*any amount

Do you mean if you got pregnant after the tests they might be able to give you a treatment to reduce chance of miscarriage, but if you got pregnant now they couldn't give you treatment so more likely to have another miscarriage than if you wait?
It depends how you weigh things up and your broader circumstances.
If I was in that position I would probably rather try to get pregnant now, accepting that it might end in miscarriage.
If I was in different circumstances, eg early 20s and more time to get pregnant, or if I was suffering mentally or physically after the miscarriages and didn't feel I could handle another now, then i may well wait.
But I'd say that if you are planning to ignore their advice you should be honest and tell them, in case you have misunderstood their reasons, or in case it affects how they do the tests. So at your next appointment I'd let them know that you aren't using contraception.

Yes, that's exactly it, summer. Unfortunately there won't be another appointment before October - the tests are either blood tests drawn by the hospital phlebotomy department or an ultrasound which is presumably done by a technician, so none of those are opportunities for further chats about it.

Very similar experience here. Had 3 early miscarriages and was referred to the Pregnancy Loss Unit of my local hospital for genetic testing. The weekend before the meeting was our wedding anniversary and we had a "nice hotel break." They told us not to ttc for a couple of months had to ring them mortified 10 days later with a positive pregnancy test. Was put on progesterone, aspirin, and high dose folic acid and scanned every fortnight. The pregnancy was successful and the genetic testing came back clear.
I hope everything works out for you too.

Thank you for all the advice, everyone - am quite surprised as I thought in advance I'd end up with a thread full of posts calling me an arrogant idiot for not just doing what the doctor said! Not an issue right this moment as I'm expecting first period after mc any day now, so will carry on mulling it over

I can see where you're coming from too, OP. The thing is that early miscarriage is very very common, and it's only since the advent of modern pregnancy tests that detect pregnancy on the first day of a missed period that we realise how common it is.

So it could be that, rather than there being anything physiologically wrong, you've just been unlucky. (Of course, there could be something physiologically wrong too, as you obviously know.)

I got pregnant with my daughter three weeks after my second miscarriage. My GP told me it shouldn't have been possible to get pregnant that quickly but I did!

I had 7-8 early miscarriages between dc1 and 2 (and a further 3 in later years between dc 3 and 4) everytime the drs were constant in saying it's better to conceive and miss carry than not to be able to conceive at all, before I'm jumped on as being insensitive, this was said to me by my GP and the gynaecology specialist I saw, not that it helped the emotional turmoil of it all.

She also said there often isn't any reason that early mc keeps happening if I wanted to continue trying there was no reason why one wouldn't 'stick.'

I have 4 children now, all conceived whilst actually using contraception so there's hope OP.

If it were me I couldn't wait, I've only had one miscarriage and as yet haven't been able to conceive again after it. I couldn't bare the thought of not trying for months because the NHS is so slow. I'd keep trying and take the aspirin if you get pregnant.

I'm not saying it's the 'right' thing to do, but if it were me I wouldn't wait.

Medical opinion on this seems to differ and it doesn't sound to me like the reasons you've been given not to TTC are that compelling.

I thought this thread was going to be about you or your future DC having a life threatening medical condition so was all ready to say YABU but in your situation I think YANBU.

I actually fell pregnant whilst waiting for my consultant appointment after my 3rd miscarriage (although noone had told me not to try, and we weren't actually trying but think because hormone levels were up I was still quite fertile - would that be right?)

Anyway went to the consulatnt's appointment and said I had a positive test. Basically he said we will scan you each week and see what is happening. Something may go wrong but by having weekly scans if it does we might have a better chance of working out what the problem is. (I already had a 9 year old).

Anyway each week we would scan - half the week happy everything was ok, next half worrying what if next one wasn't. At 15 weeks everything was going fine, sent away until 20 week scan, all fine. 37 weeks baby boy arrived - 6lb7oz - now 15 years old and 6 foot tall.

Do what you feel is right for you. Good luck

Thank you again for all the advice! I'm pretty certain there is something more than bad luck - should have said this in OP, but more recent one at 7wks was actually a MMC where embryo measured at five, so I've had three all at five weeks, which seems like more than coincidence. The question is, though, whether that cause is identifiable/treatable, or whether we just have to keep on rolling the dice and hope we get lucky - if the latter then it doesn't seem to make sense to delay rolling. Currently torn between starting TTC again next month or waiting but in the meantime throwing the kitchen sink at it and getting the NK cells test too.

I had mutiple miscarriages, 2 very early - 6 weeks and 2 later 10 weeks.

I remember at the time my mum was puzzled but supportive. Later talking to her I realised that when she was having kids the earliest a pregnancy test would work was about 8 weeks. In fatc your GP wouldn't test you until you had missed your second period. I also remembered that when the first home tests came out they were for about 2 weeks after your missed period.

We have had the ability to test on the first day of your missed periond only for a very short amount of time, and what has happened is the numbers of reported miscarriages has shot up.
I think it is likely that for many women it is totally normal to lose a number of pregnancies beofre 8 weeks, and in the past we wouldn't have even known we were pregnant.

I am not saying that to minimise the distress, my first mc was traumatic precisely because it was my first and it was the earliest.
But rather that a number of early miscarriages is quite normal, and most people go on to carry babies to term successfully.

If I were in your shoes I would continue to try.

It's just a few months. Give your body time to heal, both your and dh work on being the healthiest possible.

It's obviously not very relevant to the thread, and I know you meant well, steppe, but I hate the 'no one even knew in the past' argument. It does feel very minimising, and I also just don't think it's true. To take my last one (apologies for graphic nature of this): I had a bleed so heavy that all I could do was sit on the toilet for several hours, accompanied with cramps that were so painful I could barely stand, and passing many clots, one of them the size of a golf ball. This was three weeks after my usually regular period, and I'd had sore breasts and nausea for a good couple of weeks. I think it's a bit insulting to our great-grandmothers's intelligence to say that they'd not have had any clue something was up if that had happened to them! Even the ones at five weeks were different enough to my 'normal' period that I could never have not realised something was different.

I am really sorry if you thought I was minimizing Lisa - really not my intention.

Everyone's experience of mc is different and while mine at 10 weeks were how you described, mine at 5 weeks weren't. They were more like heavy periods, and looking back I suspect that I had had a couple while at university too, but I hadn't done a pregnancy test then. I never have pregnancy symptons early on, so no suggestion I was pregnant, so it is very possible to not know you have mc at this stage.

The point, and sorry it was so clumsily made, is that we still think that mc is unusual and that therefore there is possibly a problem with me and my body and its ability to conceive, where as in reality it is likely that all women naturally lose about 50% of their pregnancies. (that is a figure quoted to me by a consultant, not made up by me)

If we understood that 50% of pregnancies didn't go past 6 weeks, then we would fell much less panicked about losing them, although we would obviously still be distressed at the loss, (as I said my earliest was in some ways the hardest) the panic about our fertility would be much less, as we would understand we fall within 'normal' range.

As I said, it wasn't at all intending to minimize, and your post of 9:40 wasn't there when I was writing.