Ever since I had DS 5 months ago I started to realise there is something seriously off with my parents. To be more specific I think they are very selfish, perhaps even narcissistic.
They live about a 1000 miles away from us, so we don't get anything from them in terms of help with childcare. Not that I feel entitled to in the slightest, I just want to put it out there.
They are okay in terms of money, they contributed to some of the initial expenses such as pram purchase. They always make sure to give us money whenever we visit, and are happy to take us out for food etc, but it's important to say that we come maximum twice a year, and usually for about a week at a time.
So this time was the first time in 10 years when I and LO (5 months old) came to stay for more than a week. We were there for a month. My husband only joined for the last week.
All the time I was there my parents not once have offered to stay with the LO. Ok, that's fine. Of course they don't have to. But what upset me most is the complete lack of desire to spend any time with him, even as I was there doing the actual caring. My mom was going to work every day (she couldn't take time off to spend with us apparently, but was able to secure a few to attend her nephew's wedding in another town.) My dad, even though currently unemployed, would leave home every single day to go fishing. So I'd be home alone with a little child for days on end.
When we arrived the house was a total tip. They've always been messy (not to say slobs) but this time it's really become something special. I was really upset and a bit shocked they didn't feel like cleaning the place ahead of a little baby's arrival. Not only that, my mom asked me to clean the place when leaving for work each day. And I did when I could, but neither her or my father had any respect for my work upon returning home and would just continue throwing things around.
They would have their standard arguments every evening, shouting at each other. Then my dad would play his computer games and play the sound really loud, making it near impossible for the little one to fall asleep. When asked to turn them down, he sometimes would and other times wouldn't. Depending on his mood I guess. Then he'd ask me or my brother to go and fetch some beer / water / whatever from the shop.
They then wanted me and the LO to drive to the other side of the country with them (for the nephew's wedding) with zero concern for how this might affect either of us. Later on I heard that my dad wanted to brag to his dad at the weeding about his grandson (the one he wanted little to do with on a day to day basis.)
Now that we've left my brother has been diagnosed with a condition requiring a minor surgery and my mother got upset with him (!) because how dare he want/need this surgery now when she's just scheduled her holiday and wanted him to go with for company.
I just feel like everything is always about their needs and they are unable to empathise with anyone. They feel their needs are forever the most important and we all need to pander to them. I really don't like thinking that negatively about them. They are both highly educated, smart people who were always able to provide for us financially. But the longer I see how dismissive they are towards DS I can't help but feel let down. AIBU?