To be concerned about DDs future

[sma1978]

First time poster please be gentle. I need a bit of perspective. Sorry it's a bit long.
DD will start year 6 in Sept, She has always been below the schools expected standards for her age, she has struggled with maths and English. I am really worried about her doing good the SATS, and going up to secondary school next year. I don't think she is anywhere near ready. To be fair, I am really proud of her, she always tries her very best, and her year end report has praised her improvement and perseverance. She really just struggles to understand concepts. She is quite shy, and doesn't always ask for help, if she thinks she is the only one that doesn't get it.
So, I want to get her a one to one tutor starting in Sept. Just a couple of hours a week. To help her get a better grip on things and prepare her for SATS, give her more confidence in class.
So after looking into it, found out costs etc. I made the suggestion to DP (of 16 years). His reaction was pretty much as I expected. It's too expensive, what if she doesn't like it, she will start to hate school.
I am so mad, it's not like we can't afford it. We both work full time, our income is not shabby. We would just have to sacrifice non essential treats.
He just doesn't seem to understand this is about her future. Not just academically, but helping her grow up.
He has annoyed me more, as he does think she should go to uni. 'just to end up in debt'
I know I can be blinded by an idea, and try to spend too much money on something, and he brings me back to reality. But this just seems too important.

I'm bu and should I get the tutor.

Sorry that turned in to a rant, thank you if you got to the end.

Not at all unreasonable. Very logical and sensible. Take a look at Kumon. If that doesn't appeal ask around for recommendations 💕💕

Sma1978-to be fair I felt similar about my DD she has dyslexia. We got her a private tutor half way through year 4-6 to help with her English. We only paid for 45 minutes a week as I know her concentration span and after school this was more than enough. They got in really well and she was like part of the family and a really positive encouraging experience. OP if your DD's school is anything like her school they pushed them really really hard with SATS the pressure and workload were relentless. I was worried she would crumble. But she actually did surprisingly ok. She has never been the most organized and is untidy and forgetful. However, she is now nearly at the end of year 7 she has really surprised us with her school report and remembering her books and belongings every day. She is unlikely to be top set material but as long as she does her best and tries hard that's all we expect and I have just found out today she is moving up from set 4 for maths to set 2. I am so very pleased. Their are 10 sets at her secondary. Your DD may well surprise you as mine has done. I would maybe pick her worst subject and dog for an hour a week in that if she is up for it so not to overload her. Good luck.

Absolutely get a tutor. But, try not to worry too much about the SATS or GCSE'S. There are more ways into a career than top grades. Your dd might not be academic in traditional terms, but her work ethic will see her succeed. I've seen this a hundred times - I'm a teacher and head of year.

Of course you should. He's an arse hole. It should be your daughters choice on whether she wishes to go to uni and it's not s normal debt, it's really just a tax where you pay a higher percentage of uout earnings once you earn over a certain level.

Is he always so negative and over bearing about her? Is that why she struggles and is shy? Because her father fails to encourage her to see her potential or support her?

If my husband had tried that on my daughter, I tell you now, he'd not have done it again.

I think a tutor is a great idea if your DD is up for it.
But maybe don't explicitly link it to SATs.
SATs results are not important for themselves, so getting good SATs scores isn't important per se, but rather being 'secondary ready'.

DD2 is now in y7 and I was pretty concerned as she entered y6. She did mature and improve quite a lot in y6 and scored high 90s in her SATs. Secondary has been OK but she finds the academics hard.

Things I would concentrate on:
Maths

• having a go even if not sure,
• times tables (though for DD these don't stick),
• basic calculations +,-,x,/ incl with decimals
• interpreting wordy questions.

English

• encourage reading & expanding vocabulary,
• spelling so words are at least phonetic. (teachers in secondary see less of each pupil so don't get the innovative spelling some children have).
• Capitals and full-stops.
• if handwriting poor, learning to touch type maybe between y6&y7

General

• asking for help
• not panicking in tests, general test taking technique
• Point Evidence Explain (even if only verbally around the dinner table)

Things I wouldn't worry too much about:

• all the fancy grammar they push them with, not essential for secondary.
• exact scores in tests
• perfect spelling

University doesn't suit everyone. Don't start arguing about that yet.
Actually A levels don't suit everyone either.

For Dd's maths we used www.khanacademy.org/ worked really well and is free.

I think I might invest instead in a private report by an educational psychologist - it might help you understand how she learns best and why she is apparently struggling in maths and english. I don't mean because there is a diagnosable problem - but just to gain some advice for example does she have good working memory, etc. Then you could do some targeted fun activities with her to work on specific skills.

The other trick is to study/read lots yourself (be a good role model), read together (even different books but in companionable silence), do maths challenges, make it fun that you do it together and reward her for it. Commit to investing the time in her. That way you save the money on a tutor and you spend more targeted time together. And you will make year 6 more pleasurable and less pressured.

The ed psych reports are pricey. I wouldn't bother with this option and we had one as I suspected DD had dyslexia which was proved by the report.
Personally, I would ask your DD if she would like a private tutor to help her school work a bit of a boost. Kids these days are very self aware she will know why she needs most help with. The pressure on them in year six is pretty immense.
The kids are tested again in year 7 at Secondary anyway and in my DS's case the year above my DD and in my DD's case year 7 has seemed pretty much a holiday compared to year 6 at primary. Please don't add too much pressure onto her at home in a very pressured school year. We don't all have to be brain surgeons.

I think a tutor is a great idea, I had one from y4 to teach me for the 11+ and although I didn't get into the local grammar it improved my exam technique and general maths and English ability a great deal. I went back to her as a teen when preparing for my GCSEs as I adored her and it gave me solid uninterrupted study time with someone to answer all my questions and mark practice papers. Having that one to one time is really valuable especially if your dd finds it difficult to speak up when she finds something hard to grasp when with her peers.

If you can afford it, do it, sod what your DP thinks, his attitude if your dd picks up on it might damage her confidence which is a big part of doing well and being successful. Also maybe ask other parents at school if they use a tutor, and for recommendations as to be fair the agencies are quite expensive, my tutor was a retired former teacher and was £10 an hour which was about 1/2 of the cost of agency tutors.

I think a tutor is s good idea too.
It's not only about results but about confidence. a tutor could help fill the gaps and a bit of one to one can sometimes work wonders.

If you can afford it then I would say try a tutor but involve your daughter in the process - also take the focus off performance and begin with confidence building. It might help for her to grasp some of the basic concepts on which to build. I wouldn't worry about SATs as they are not important for the child's future at all. I think the key is to get her to continue to enjoy learning rather than pressurise to pass tests. If she is a hard worker she will achieve her potential but it is easy for an individual to get lost in a class of 30 so some 1 to 1 might help. Don't start worrying about GCSEs, A-Levels and University yet! It will all change (again) by the time she gets there I expect!

Get the tutor but don't forget to encourage DD in whatever she DOES excell at.

I have a DD like yours. Mine's only 9 but she's not really caught up yet in English and Maths and I'm thinking of a tutor too...but I also know that even if she remains weak in those areas she will still excell in others.

My DD is excellent socially. She's very popular and good at making friends. She's also an amazing story teller...she can't yet fluently write all she's able to make up...or at least she CAN but doesn't like it and takes longer to do it than many.

Your DD will have strengths...keep telling her how amazing she is in those areas.

Certainly offer her help but if she isn't good at Maths and English, perhaps university and extended study isn't the right path for her. Explore other options and her talents and interests.

I second the suggestion of Khan Academy - free online good quality resources, you could may plan a couple of 30 minute sessions a week with your DD using the resources & mini tests on the site. You earn points & get "awards" for completing units.

This isn't a DD issue, it is a DH issue.

OP, what would happen if you went ahead and hired a tutor anyway? - Because if you feel you are being prevented by your husband from doing what is best for your DD, then you are going to have to decide how you are going to tackle this now, before he starts dictating what she can or cannot do with her future and closing down her choices.

As a teacher l do some private tutoring and its amazing how much children can learn on a one on one. They find it difficult to take stuff in as a group. I often have a student say to me ..is that it? As if they cant believe how easy it was to pick it up as they had no idea in the classroom. I have time eg in Maths to draw pictures etc to illustrate and they get it.
Get a tutor. Tell your dh its only for a little while .
The biggest thing l do is build confidence.
Also have you trued teaching her yourself?

Thank you for all your replies. I seem to have painted OH in a really bad light, probably cos I was mad at him, he really is wonderful and a great dad, he just doesn't like spending money. He isn't controlling at all, If something, anything costs more than a tenner, he has a hot flush. But I really wanted us to agree on this.
So bit of an update. Today we went to the end of year honors assembly, our DD was getting an award. I thought it would be the same as last year, she got a award for being kind caring and helpful, she is a wonderful girl. But the award this year was for all round achievement, throughout the year. Her teachers had nothing but praise for her, in how hard she works, and tries. I was almost in tears, so proud.
However, we also got her end or year report today, now I won't pretend I fully understand there grading but essentially she is very behind acedemically, and I now believe even more she needs some extra help, to get though year 6 and SATs, and prepare her for secondary school. OH is still against it, because she won an award, because it will put too much pressure on her, because I will be telling her she is not good enough.
To be honest, it's not good enough, for what will be expected of her in year 7, and I don't want her to go into that unprepared. I am scared for her, I want to give her as much help as I can.
For now OH and I have agreed to disagree, but I can go ahead with tutor. I hope it will work, and he will see the improvement and benefits.
Thanks everyone.

Good luck OP try not to worry too much as your DD will pick up on it. Try and give her other activities to improve her confidence say if she wants to try horse riding, football, art or something. Also is she at a high achieving primary school because if she is their could be much less pressure in year 7 at a good comp. As said not everyone is academic.

I had to find my log in but had to say that reading your update has made me well up. What a star!!

My DS will be going into Y4 in September and I'm considering a Tutor, but will try the Khan Academy that was mentioned over the Summer so thank you to those posters.

You should get a tutor if you want so she can catch up but please forget about SATS as this is to do with the school not your child.They are ignored by secondary school us use their own assessment once the children start there.