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To be slightly freaked out by this help from my Children's Centre?

12 replies

Velvian · 11/07/2017 18:40

A few weeks ago i phoned my local children's centre to ask if they could offer some advice/resources on separation anxiety for dc3. I was expecting some leaflets & a discussion on some techniques for allaying anxiety. When dc2 was a baby i asked for information on sleep training & was given information on different techniques, which was really useful.

I had a home visit today from 2 nursery nurses (both lovely). We went through the issues; dc upset at nursery drop off, getting upset when i go anywhere (even to the the loo), nothing too far outside of normal for a nearly 4 year old. However, the plan is that 1 nursery nurse will visit us at home & another will work with dc at school.

Part of the reason i feel so uneasy about this is that for the last 4 years I have been working to get some help (speech therapy, occpational therapy) for dc2, who has some developmental delays. I feel terrible that all of this intervention is available for dc3, who is a bright, confident, very sociable child, outside of his fear of separation from me.
Can anyone help me with why I feel so wierd about this?

OP posts:
Yerroblemom1923 · 11/07/2017 18:42

I think you were expecting less help and got a lot more offered than you expected! I would probably feel the same if I was expecting a few leaflets on the issue.

Velvian · 11/07/2017 19:05

Thanks, Yerroble good to know you would feel similar. I get the feeling that i must have uttered a keyword during the initial phone call that links to a new drive/focus, which has activated all bells & whistles.

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annasfarmgirl · 11/07/2017 19:06

Or they might have new staff, different circs, less busy at the moment, anything along those lines Smile

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 11/07/2017 19:09

Maybe they are doing NVQs and need to do something like that for their portfolios, so it is just convenient that you asked at that time?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 11/07/2017 19:09

Maybe they are doing NVQs and need to do something like that for their portfolios, so it is just convenient that you asked at that time?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 11/07/2017 19:10

(sorry phone being weird!)

MoMandaS · 11/07/2017 19:10

Maybe it's just that they have the wherewithal to offer help for separation anxiety, it being a relatively minor problem, whereas they don't have the funds to train their staff to help with DC2. I think it probably falls under their generic 'parenting help - nurture (self-esteem, behaviour, etc.), feeding, sleep', all of which they can offer advice about. DC2 issues will be more complex and beyond their immediate remit.

Velvian · 11/07/2017 19:28

Yes, thanks they are good suggestions for ways of looking at it. It did strike me that we must happen to fit with something they're doing. We'll go with it & make the most of it. Dc2 also has something to gain if dc3 is not taking up so much of my time. (Dc1 grown up btw haven't forgotten him :D)

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JustHappy3 · 11/07/2017 19:30

Shall i turn it round and ask you why you think you're feeling uneasy. Is it guilt, anger, sadness, frustration?
I kind of get where you are coming from. With dc2 i am far more likely to demand help, ask for it much earlier and not ignore gut instincts that something is wrong. dc2s needs are more clearcut obvious than dc1.
Do NOT dare beat yourself up, or the HVs for that matter, for responding differently in a different situation.
Youhaven't let anyone down nor has dc2 been neglected.

JennyBlueWren · 11/07/2017 19:32

Speech Therapy and Occupational Therapy are specialist services which require specially trained (degree level) professionals. Although Childrens Centres can probably refer children to these services I don't think they offer them directly. Maybe they have nursery nurses trained to support children with attachment difficulties. Perhaps a bit of an overkill though if you only phoned for advice.

Nanna50 · 11/07/2017 19:39

I would take advantage of this intervention and use it to get more help for dc2. The centre should be able to help you access more services, ask them to work with the family not just dc3 in isolation. I'm not saying the nursery nurses should do it but they will have links or local agreements.

Velvian · 11/07/2017 20:21

Thanks all, my heart dropped when I read the new leaflet for the services they are providing, it was a lot of what i have been trying to get for my dd (dc2) for years. They used to work with under 5s only and i have contacted them several times when Dd was younger to talk about development concerns and request referrals. Now they work with under 8s, which is positive. I also know that they won't be able to offer the specialist therapy that i am hoping for for dd. I'm pleased for us all that we're getting a bit of attention for dc3, it will be very helpful. I'll try to stop feeling so icky about it. Dd has a referral to an OT from the gp now, but it has been a long time coming and i don't know yet whether the OT will agree to see her.

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