Being insecure about some sexting from 10+ years ago?

[revolution909]

Not me... But a friend still can't get over the fact her DH sexted his ex like 12 years ago!! Surely this should be 100% in the past?

For some people, when the trust has gone, it's gone.

Unfortunately you can't just switch your feelings on/off.
My DH works away and if the trust in our relationship was broken then I don't think it could work for us no matter how much we would want it to, trust is one of the foundations of a strong relationship, and I'm not sure you can just make yourself/talk yourself into trusting someone.

I'm also a believer in trusting our instincts.

Was he with his ex then or your friend? If it was a past relationship I think she ought to move on. Because we all do things when we're young. If it was while he was married to your friend it's understandable she's insecure.

My friend and her DH had been dating for almost two years as far as I understand. They got married a few years later, they were still fairly young, but now 10+ years later they have a lovely life and a lovely family.

It will clearly always be on her mind. He betrayed her I don't think how someone treats you should suddenly not count because it was years ago.

I struggle a bit with that though... then why marry him? My Dh has said a lot of things throughout out marriage (mostly said not done) and I couldn't care less about them. Or maybe I'm too forgiving

..then why marry him?
For the same reason lots people marry when they are having doubts - because they think it's a magical fix and everything will feel right/get better once they are married?

maybe I'm too forgiving
Not necessarily, I think it's the trust issue at play here - if you're talking about forgiving things said in rows etc then I think that's generally normal, but being able to trust is a whole different thing (I think anyways)

If it was just sexts and nothing more and this occurred in 2005 and she had been in a relationship since then then I'm not sure why it's a big deal now or, if it was that much of a big deal that it has lasted this long

It definitely looks like it hasn't left her mind/heart/soul. He seems like a decent man though, and from what I know about them you could say he has atoned his sins. I do care about her, I'm just trying to understand her so I can help her.

Is this person a good friend or a work friend or an acquaintance? Because some of the details are vague, as far as I understand.

You said there still together so personally I think she's ott to bring something up that happened 10 yrs ago and feel insecure over it, she should of left at the time

She's a really good friend, mins you her DH was in front of us when she started talking about it, so as you can imagine it was awkward and I don't know all the details. but as far as I know it was proper sexting and he doesn't deny it.