To wish people talked in RL more

[YellowAardvark]

Just that, really.

I am recently single and have been reflecting on the last time I was single (2004!) and how much things have changed. While my social circle is probably bigger in that I interact with a greater range of people in some shape or form, I do really notice the lack of actual satisfying warm fuzzy conversations I have with friends this time around.

I realise that so many of my friendships are now conducted via messenger or other instant communication methods and many of my attempts to have 'real' conversations don't seem to work. Of course I see my friends in RL as well, but have really noticed a trend in recent times toward having online conversations rather than meeting in real life, which makes the RL catch up feel less pressing as the online chat has created the false illusion of having caught up. Times I do ring up friends it often catches them at a bad time, and to actually arrange a phone date seems to set the hares running in terms of making other people worry about what I want to talk to them about as it feels that you need a good reason to ring people now. Before, you'd just call for a chat.

I also have friends who seem happier to chat online than meet up which I never understand as the online conversations take up time also - sometimes as much time as actually meeting up!

I especially hate it as I get socially anxious at times and am good at reading actual conversations, but can leave online chats feeling a little more worried about friendships as rather than feeling an overall vibe am much more aware about who has started the conversation, who is asking more questions etc. Not to mention the stress of read receipts, or messaging someone and them not replying, or replying with one word responses that don't carry the conversation forward. Of course I get people are busy, but I miss the times when if someone was busy, they'd say 'can I call you back later?' and you'd talk at a later time.

Is this just me? Am I being terribly old fashioned? AIBU?

[MrsOverTheRoad]

Is it not just that you're older now and that people are busier? 2004 is quite a long time ago..are a lot of your friends at different stages of their life now with children etc?

[YellowAardvark]

I do think that's part of it Mrs although it's my younger friends with no children who are more likely to happily cultivate an online friendship that doesn't always shift into RL

[goingonabearhunt1]

Do you live near your friends? I find that as people have moved all around the country etc. I now have to put in a lot more effort to meet up and arrange things with people. And of course people get busier as you get older so it's more difficult in general.

I think you're right re younger people not liking the phone much (I don't though not sure if I'm considered 'young') but I've not found people not wanting to meet IRL, maybe it's circumstances making it hard?

[MrsJayy]

My dds are young adults and they seem to conduct their chatting to online whatsapp snap chat blah de blah i dont understand why they need somany apps to say hello and the 19yr old cant oganise a night out without using all of the above I do agree with you

[goingonabearhunt1]

Yep my DSis is 5 years younger and she won't even text anymore. I talk to her on Whatsapp now (apparently only 'old' people text and use fb according to her). She's always hated the phone as well.

[MrsJayy]

My sister is much younger than me and she doesn't text she willmessage but won't answer texts

[YellowAardvark]

We don't live too far apart but don't see each other incidentally either if that makes sense.

I wrote the OP after a 20 min half-chat online with a friend that didn't really go anywhere that left me feeling a little sad I suppose ...

[Alexkate2468]

I totally understand how you feel. I always feel like I'm being needy if I suggest phonecalls or face to face catch ups. A lot of friends are happy to sit at give on WhatsApp and those at slighrly longer distances to facetime. It does make me sad, especially since I've noticed that when I spend time joining in the online conversations, I'm sitting ignoring dh with my face in my phone. Tech is great in some ways but dreadful in others.

[MrsJayy]

Yes it can seem a bit souless sometimes which is a shame i think these messangers can be a blessing and a curse.

[MrsJayy]

Dd sent me a text last night (she must have been desperate) saying i tried to call you through whatsapp i didn't have my internet on she was quite confused when i suggested she could actually phone me

[YellowAardvark]

I always feel like I'm being needy if I suggest phonecalls or face to face catch ups

This!!! And that feeling of being needy is not a pleasant one