To want to strangle my DH...

[Collienova]

... For saying I should 'break the habit' of holding my 3 week old and to let him cry it out? I refused. He said 'I told you what you need to do. If you don't want to do then don't moan about it'. I feel uncontrollable hormonal rage... We're both exhausted, but that's just cruel!

Seriously, though, how can I make him understand that CIO is not right at this age (if at all in my book). I think we may have milk supply issues with colicky episodes, maybe just colic. DS is feeding constantly and screams when I try to put him down even now when he's clearly exhausted.

My DH said the exact same thing, OP, when our daughter was born. He thought if we picked her up when she cried we would be 'making a rod for our own backs" - him being an expert on babies obviously after a couple of weeks of actually having one. He was indeed talking bollocks.

Thing is we're not talking about a few minutes here and there which would obviously have minimal/ no impact, but CIO which is a lot harsher.

It is hard when parenting styles clash, but in this case the OP'S DP is suggesting something irresponsible. This doesn't mean he's a crap dad overall, just that he had a daft idea.

I went through this with my DP when DS had a spat of nightmares as a toddler and DP ultimately admitted he feels guilty he suggested we leave DS to cry.

Obviously at the time we hadn't realised it was nightmares.

" him being an expert on babies obviously after a couple of weeks of actually having one."

but apparently you were after 2 weeks. its this sort of antagonism that is my point.

i imagine theres also some confusion between the sleep training ferber CIO and someone not wanting to immediately jump every time baby cries about anything- not sleep training. babies cry a lot

We're both on board in terms of not jumping straight away when he cries. I need to eat, shower etc as well. He is definitely talking about CIO in this case.

We touched on the subject when DD was little. However, it never happened because it just didn't feel right. I did all the night wakings so he didn't push it (even though he probably did think we were making 'a rod for our own back'). DD is a great sleeper now. I believe they all learn to settle themselves eventually.

To be fair, nowadays you can quite easily look up stuff when you're not sure. But OP'S DP needs to admit he might be wrong first .

The quicker you respond to baby now the happier baby you will have later on. Leaving them crying breeds insecurity and is actually making a rod for your own back..
Im a great believer in saying ..all the experts say...so he may be more willing to go with that.

Babies should be almost constantly physically attached to their mother at this age. Early effort is rewarded with longer term confidence and no attachment problems.

Suggest he reads Why Live Matters by Sue Gerhardt for a really solid science-based explanation of how leaving a baby to cry negatively affects brain and personality development.

Why LOVE Matters.