Is courtesy an obsolete thing nowadays ???

[gethelloutofhere]

Nc for this potentially outing situation. I am absolutely fuming, hence the new name to go with it. Please all tell me honestly AIBU?
A friend is not good with answering her phone, for various reasons which I don't understand but just agree to as it's not a big deal in larger scheme of things. I must admit that even though I am ok with it, I find it annoying at times.

If you call her 10 times and text her 10 times, she will respond a day or a week later, if you are lucky. Hence I don't call until it's urgent or event ( birthday,play date etc related) .
It was her DD's birthday and I called her many times and text her but no response. A couple of days later today,no call but she texts me to say that " blah blah blah busy and that the party is booked for tomorrow and that my DD is welcome to join. No details of when, where etc. Her DD and my DD were very close and my DD was waiting to attend this party, but I have already said yes to another party, as there was no notice.
Needless to say my DD is upset.

Btw this is not the first time she has done this, but I didn't feel like ignoring it this time.

I was livid and text her back saying, was calling to wish your DD and not to worry about inviting mine, as it's clearly a last minute unwanted addition. Hope your DD has a lovely party- no response back.
I have helped this person in the toughest times. Housed her in my house for free for 4 months and countless other favours not long ago. I am absolutely fuming and wondering where has the courtesy gone???

There are MANY issues in your post.

You need to unpick them and decide which are your priorities.

But your friend may be a user, or just very casual to an extent that doesn't work for you.

Honestly, take some time and go through and list the issues to yourself and decide which ones actually matter to you and what (if anything) you want to do about them.

Then your way forward will become clear.

and, as s/one else will doubtless say v soon... stop being the one who invites and hosts and see how that changes things!

Inviting someone to an event but not telling them when and where it is taking place is quite unbelievably stupid. I agree with you, OP, you have done a hell of a lot for this woman and yet she can't be bothered to reply to calls or texts and half-heartedly issues "invites" at the last minute while omitting to say when and where. I wouldn't bother with her at all. Ridiculous.

TBH, and I don't mean this to hurt but it will, it doesn't sound like she is too bothered about seeing you/having you around. In your shoes I wouldn't be making any contact anymore.

That's a great first reply from Keepservingthedrinks.

It was her DD's birthday and I called her many times and text her but no response
You see, to me, that makes you sound really odd. The only reason I would expect multiple calls is if someone were trying to contact me to say someone had been ruched into hospital or something. In my world, on a birthday, a pesron sends a text, saying 'Happy Birthday friends name, Hope you have a lovely day'...... and that is it.

I was livid and text her back saying, was calling to wish your DD and not to worry about inviting mine, as it's clearly a last minute unwanted addition.

Wow! How rude and how angry are you ?
Some people are very laid back / casual / not forward planners. I would find it a bit frustrating, and feel a bit sad for dd, but your response is really OTT. What exactly do you hope to achieve by it ?

Sorry to hear about this OP - it does sound like a frustrating situation :(

I wonder if your friend might be depressed at all, and maybe that's why she's not really getting into contact much? Could that be a possibility?

Keepservingthedtink: Thank you for your lovely response. My issue is, if the kids are friends, keep it that way. I don't want her to be my friend or do things with me. We are very different people It turns out and our priorities are very different. I felt for my DD as she remembered and was looking forward to seeing a friend . DD is 6, so not quiet mature to understand why it happened, the way it did...

Backforgood: my calls are not odd at all. Every year I call her to ask what I am buying for her birthday and her DD's,as she prefers things that she and DD want or needs.

Also where we live the play centres are really busy and parties need to be booked atleast couple of weeks in advance. She clearly had booked in advance and didn't bother telling me. So my text prompted her to send the invite for the party tomorrow.
Hope you get the picture now...

Pombearsandnaiceham: No not depressed at all. Fb page is full of activities and holiday photos, as recent as yesterday.

Does she drink a lot? That affects the memory...

Sorry to hear this but she is obviously a user who only thinks of herself.
I would cut contact which she probably won't notice until she needs something!

Meanger: you are right that's why I don't messge or call her at all, unless it's some occasion or to extend an invite. I feel obliged to return the favour, gifts etc if someone attends our parties or events or contributes in what ever way.
Like the other poster said, she is a user and I didn't see it

Why do people take an issue they are having it with one person and make a generalisation out of it? Yes. no-one in the world is courteous any more because you have a friend who is a bit of a dick.

And if you call and text people 20 times they might well not answer you, cos that's just weird.

Tattycat: That made me laugh 😂😂. No she isn't much of a drinker...

Willrikersextranipple: This was probably the tipping point. Throughout the week I have experienced many things and absence of courtesy.

Well if you are the common denominator in all of these incidents.....

Willrikersextranipple: People not giving seats meant for OAPS on the bus. Walking and pushing a child, face flat on the floor and not bother to stop or apologise & X100. I am not a common denominator but obviously feel something is amiss.

It just doesnt sound as if she wants anything to do with you.

If you've called her multiple times over something and she hasn't replied, I would say she probably wants you to leave her in peace.

Also where we live the play centres are really busy and parties need to be booked atleast couple of weeks in advance.

Maybe it was a party at home? You said she didn't tell you where the party was?

To be honest, I'm not great at answering texts. I don't always have my phone on me and for work, I can't just idle the day away on my phone.

If she doesn't respond, don't bother texting again. If she doesn't answer the call, leave a message and she can return the call when she's ready. Don't keep chasing her, it's a waste of your time.