To think my dad a narcissist?

8 replies

Ninarina · 10/07/2017 18:47

Been through hell most of my life- forced marriage, no say in anything etc but managed to somehow bring up a child as a single parent and have a career. My DC has MH issues not suicidal any more but lots of rage. Tragedy struck last year when my beloved Mum passed. I have been having counselling and started to do some activities so felt like things getting better. But now my dad has decided he wants me to put my house on rent and move to another part of the country. He keeps sending people to assess how much rent the house would get. To clarify the house is in my name he didn't put a penny towards it. He is very controlling. He screamed at me me the other week while I was cooking for him calling me Satan and saying I'm mad and mental. I'm sick of it but feel obliged as he's my dad. I want to run away. I'm 40 and wish I was dead instead of my Mum. I have no one to talk to. I get so down. I was doing great but then he just informs me that I have to move. I've told him no but then he says I want to live in squalor. I'm just very lonely and lost. The house he wants me to live in is his but I would have to pay rent. When my mum passed he told everyone it was because she didn't pray. She suffered excruciating pain. I cry every day for her but now I'm crying for myself. I know I should leave him to it but then I feEl guilty.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2017 18:51

You are not a child. You are not responsible for making your father happy. He is emotionally terrorizing you, and you have the power to refuse to be terrorized. Tell him in no uncertain terms you are not moving and he can fuck right off. If he becomes abusive on the phone, immediately hang up. Repeat as necessary and go no contact if he refuses to respect you.

nicknamehelp · 10/07/2017 18:52

Sending you a big hug.

Firstly dont feel guilty he needs help and so do you.

Be firm but tell him you are not moving and to stop sending people round if house is yours he has no legal or moral right to do this.

2ndly seek help from gp with grief counselling losing a mum is a big deal and not something u get over in a few months.

3rdly tell yourself u are amazing x

canary1 · 10/07/2017 18:56

Why do you have anything to do with him? Is it adding to your child's difficulties also? Wouldn't you both be better off without him in your lives? He sounds horrifying. Hope you are strong enough to not answer the door/ phone to him. Why on earth is he controlling your life?

K1092902 · 10/07/2017 18:56

OP. Firstly- massive hugs for you.

You need to cut this man out of your life. It won't be easy but it's the best thing for you (and your DC) long term. Have you spoken to your counsellor about him?

MrsMoastyToasty · 10/07/2017 19:02

If the house is in your name (whether you pay a mortgage or own outright ) then any attempt by him to force a sale is financial abuse and possibly fraud. Tell him you will contact the police if he persists.

Original poster

Ninarina · 10/07/2017 19:14

Thank you. Yes he financially abused my mum too. He never let her access her own money though she worked for nearly 30 years. He takes over and then calls me names saying I'm a loser etc and he knows best. I felt sorry for him after my mum died because he's my dad but now I think that no matter what I do it will never ever be enough. The one benefit of moving would be that I wouldn't be in the same city as him but it would be his house. He's never expressed sadness at my mum's death. I miss her so much and I can't even grieve in peace.

OP posts:

doobree · 10/07/2017 19:23

I agree that you need to have nothing more to do with him. His behaviour is appalling. I'm so sorry he is doing this to you

You have no obligation to such a nasty person, whether he is your father or not. And nothing to feel guilty about. If you stay away from him because of this, that is his own fault.

Tell him you do not want to move and refuse any enquiries. With this level of abuse and with trying to force you to give up your home and property, I'd be thinking of some kind of restraining order to be honest.

You deserve to be safe and have a peaceful life.

doobree · 10/07/2017 19:28

Whatever you do, you MUST NOT end up living in his house.

If you decied to sell your own house and move away, that is one thing, but in no circumstances should you put yourself at risk by living in a property he owns or you and your DC will never be free.

I'd say use the police and the law to keep him away from you.

Flip