To think siblings don't always have to play together?

[Dontgiveaflyingfuck]

Dd1 (aged 8) has a friend A (aged 10) in the year above her at school. A has a brother in dd1s class B who is a bully and a handful and in the past has bullied dd1. Dd1 often wants A to come and play but Mum will only let A if B come too! I really struggle having B in the house as he hits, disturbs my toddler and trashes the playroom. He's also a really fussy eater and i'm suppose to cook seperate food for him. I invited A tonight and said really clearly just A and B has appeared too. I can't just send him home as Mum is out. B has just announced he doesn't eat lasagne so despite having prepared tea in advance i'm going to have to cook something else.

Dd1 is being tested for autism and really struggles with friendships. But i really do not like B coming too! AIBU to think siblings don't always go places together?

If B doesn't eat lasagne then tough. He gets lasagne.
He is refusing food to get attention.

No the other mum is being very unreasonable.

This is a tough one. I think the mum nay be taking the piss a bit here. She's dumped two kids on you and gone out? Where on earth has she gone? Phone her up to come and collect the boy. Did she just chuck them out of the car and drive off before you could say anything?
I feel a bit sorry for friend A too.
Perhaps it would be better for your daughter to try and find more friends. Perhaps join her up to some clubs or groups so she can find like minded friends?

I would probably tell him to wait until he gets home to eat if he doesn't like the lasagne. You weren't expecting him so can't be expected to provide a separate dinner for him. My daughter is a selective eater and I normally tell people not to worry if she doesn't eat but please don't be offended. I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to cook separately for her.

The cheek of her!

"We only have one child to play at a time"

Don't let get dump both kids on you again.

Of course YANBU.

1. The food - you do not have to cook something else. She's dumped a child on you who is not invited, and lets be honest, not wanted. He's pretty lucky you've not just instantly called her to fetch him back. If he is hungry he can have what's put for him, and if he chooses not to, well he's hardly going to starve by missing one meal.
2. Why did you let him in when they arrived ?
3. when she collects, explain in words of one syllable if needed, that, if you invite A around, then that is all you are inviting. If the other Mum is going to be so rude as to try to dictate who you invite into your home, then it will just end up with 'A' not being invited.

I would be very straight with her and say it just doesn't work when B comes too. Tell her you'd still very much like A to come on her own at the moment. I definitely wouldn't be cooking a separate meal for him.

My dc have friends in their classes who are siblings too. I love having dd's friend over, but ds's is very hard to manage as he is so bad mannered. I have had to be very clear about who I am inviting, and when. However, Ds loves him so I do have him over occasionally to make ds happy and to give him another chance.

Of course siblings don't have to play together.

The impact this is having you is probably 100 times worse for the poor older sibling, who can't go anywhere without her brother. Poor kid.

The mums a prize idiot.

I don't know what you do about it though, except do not go out of your way to accommodate your uninvited guest and be very firm with him.

One of my kids used to be friends with a pair of twins, one of which was a bit cocky but basically a good kid and the other of whom was rude, snide and over competitive and sometimes aggressive, really quite nasty. We invited one by name and got both multiple times. Most twin mums are the opposite so I was non plussed. I asked the mum whether nice twin was allowed over solo and she said it wasn't fair on the other twin wasn't as popular.

End result we don't have either any more, of course.

Yep I have one very fussy child (and one who made a friend's mum cry happy tears, rather sweetly but embarrassingly for poor DD,, byeing the first visiting child to eat all of her Iranian home cooking and say how delicious it was, for contrast ). I always tell people not to cater specifically for fussy kid just please not to worry if he doesn't eat or just eats one item on the plate. I live in the vain hope he'll eat something at someone else's house for the first time and discover a new favourite... So far it only happened with a new type of cake, but you never know...

Does the other mum have your DD1 over? Does she extend the invitation to your other DC?

The mum is taking the piss so she gets a few hours childcare!! Say you are looking forward to her having both of yours round to hers next!

A and B walked down from their house and went straight into.the garden. By the time i realised i had a text from mum asking me to drop them off at x address after tea as she was going out.

Dd1 goes to a specalist friendship club and is in Cubs. She does enjoy these groups but struggles with friendships in school. A looks out for her in the school yard and tells the teachers when dd1 is being bullied. Dd1 doesn't always realise she's been teased sadly.

And yes i really feel for A. At dd1s birthday party she commented how nice it was without her brother ruining everything. Mum thinks B is misunderstand and gets upset that he has no friends and no one wants him to play so sends both so its "fair".

I'm just going to have to be firmer about sending him back. I have Aspergers and really struggle with communicating about this kind of crap.

Oh and dd1 won't go to A and Bs house because the smell/noise is wrong. This is fairly standard and i'm not willing to put in the graft to get her to go to the house as i doubt the mum is up to supervising her properly.

I suggest you say that having both children doesn't work for you and unfortunately in future you will have to send them both home.

No need to explain, stick to your guns and send them home, it's hard on A but she's not your responsibility.

It's too late now but do not make B a different meal

You need to be firmer that sounds nuts. My dd had a friend once and whenever she played at her house they had to include her 2 younger brothers in all games. Dd stopped going in the end because the boys always ruined everything they were doing.

I get trying to include siblings in stuff, but sometimes dc just want to play with their friends not with their friends or their own siblings all the time.

And I also wouldn't make a different a different dinner.