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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU: parents working from home

31 replies

LondonNanny90 · 10/07/2017 10:33

Hi everyone - first time poster so please go easy!

As you may have guessed from the name, I'm a nanny. I'm late 20s, have been doing it for 5 years now and enjoy my job.
I left my last role as the kids were at school full time and I was no longer needed as much - the family was fantastic and we're still good friends, I see the children regularly.
However I think I may have just got lucky with that job, as the two I've had since have been awful.
I accepted a job a few months ago as a SOLE CHARGE nanny to a 2 year old girl - only to find the parents worked from home at least 3 days a week (absolutely no mention of this at interview). While I appreciate flexible working hours etc and I'm sure it's great to be able to work from home, unfortunately it's preventing ME from doing MY job. Little girl behaved horrendously whenever the parents were home, including screaming for them nonstop while they were working upstairs. She was an angel whenever they were out of the house.
I'd manage to distract/calm her down, and one of the parents would appear to check everything was alright, or to make a cup of coffee, or just have a chat. I wanted to tear my hair out! I brought it up with them and they said they'd try and work in the office more, but no change.
Eventually I handed my notice in and told them the exact reason - their response was "perhaps we should find a more experienced nanny". INFURIATING.

Accepted another "sole charge" role a few weeks ago (after checking carefully at interview that there'd be no working from home issues) and surprise surprise - during my first two weeks the parents worked from home no less than 9 out of the 10 days I worked.
I don't have children so maybe I don't understand but it is so, so, SO frustrating to just want to get on with your job and to be prevented from doing so constantly. Do parents not realise that their kids turn into little horrors when mum/dad is home? It seems that more and more jobs are like this nowadays.
You'd think the easy solution would be to take them out, which I do, but there's only so much time we can spend out of the house especially when there's batch cooking/laundry/tidying to be done.
AIBU in feeling so frustrated and angry? Tempted to hand my notice in but I need this job. Already mentioned to parents that it's not helpful for them to be at home and they were a bit offended. Not sure what to do.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 10/07/2017 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teaandtoast · 10/07/2017 10:37

Op did ask at interview.

m0therofdragons · 10/07/2017 10:41

I worked from home initially when we had a nanny. I tried to stay out the way but until I knew the nanny better I wanted to be around. Luckily nanny was fab and we're still great friends. Never had issues with dc being terrible around me but the would cry when I left so nanny would distract and it was very brief.

Original poster

LondonNanny90 · 10/07/2017 10:48

Mum worked from home in my last job occasionally, but it was never a problem as there were clear boundaries, I.e. We do NOT disturb mummy when she's working. She'd be shut in the study all day, no popping in and out for coffee, and would only come down for lunch and a chat when the children were having their nap. That was fine.
But in this job the parents wander in and out constantly- they say to the children not to disturb, yet when I try to enforce the no going upstairs rule it's, oh don't worry, they can pop in and see us for a bit. Such a lack of consistency!

OP posts:

Decaffstilltastesweird · 10/07/2017 10:49

Yanbu, but suspect it's as dragon says, they are working at home more ATM as they maybe feel they don't know you very well yet. I think you maybe have to deal with it as best you can in the short term. Maybe take the children out and about more, though I know you've said that's hard when you have other things to get on with, but I would guess they aren't planning to work from home forever, especially as they said they wouldn't be at interview. If they keep working from home though, look for something else.

AvoidingCallenetics · 10/07/2017 10:51

I'm sorry but I think they are entitled to work where they want. I think you could ask them to support you by telling the children that mummy/daddy is at work, and so London will be looking after them. You could maybe ask for set times during the day when the children could see mum/dad which would help manage the children's expectations.
I am assuming the parents are not interfearing wrt how you look after the dc/the activities you do with them, because that would be unreasonable of them given they employed you as a sole charge nanny.
I think it might be that because you a new they are sticking around for a few weeks to get to know you and ensure their dc are happy. That is normal behaviour for parents.
You cannot just leave this job. It will look flaky on your CV. I think that your job is managing the children in all circumstances.

JemandScout · 10/07/2017 10:54

They are perfectly entitled to work at home if they wish and it's your job to manage the situation. If you can't work out a strategy for caring for a small child whilst her parents are in the same building then maybe you are in the wrong job.

Original poster

LondonNanny90 · 10/07/2017 10:59

They are perfectly entitled to work from home. However I would never have accepted the job if I had known it would be every day - this was not disclosed at interview. Once or twice a week, fine. As for the purpose of getting to know me etc, I understand, but we did a whole trial week with me working with the mum for a handover.
Other nannies had always warned against taking jobs where parents worked from home but I always took it with a pinch of salt - will heed their advice in the future!

OP posts:

Wincher · 10/07/2017 11:06

I sympathise - I had an au pair job where the parents worked from home a lot and life was so so much easier when they were out! Every time the children had an argument or hurt themselves or anything they would run upstairs to see mum or dad, and it was horrible trying to restrain them and persuade them to stay downstairs while they were screaming for mummy, or go up again and retrieve them from under their dad's desk. Now as a parent I have sometimes worked from home while my mum has looked after my children, and they always slink in when she isn't looking! It's distracting as well as of course if you can hear they are upset you want to go and see what the matter is. Of course it should be ideal as a parent to be able to work from home and see your kids more, but it doesn't always work out.

ItsReallyOnlyMe · 10/07/2017 11:15

I used to employ a nanny for my children. I think it was when they were 6 and 3 I had to work at home one day as snow was forecast and I didn't want a difficult journey or be stranded anywhere. The nanny and I concocted a plan where I 'left' the house but really I just went back round the house and in through the back door - I was able
to work in peace and the nanny was able to get on with her job. I did the opposite at the end of the day ! I just dashed to the kitchen for lunch when the nanny went out. Perhaps this isn't a long term plan but I really think it is best to communicate the difficulties for both of you how it is currently and work together to find a solution.

Spudlet · 10/07/2017 11:16

I can see this might be an issue but you basically told your employers that they weren't allowed to be in their own home, and you're surprised that they looked offended...? And they are allowed to leave their work room for a coffee and a loo break as well.

I think you should have a chat about what boundaries they want for working and that your opinion is important as part of that chat, but you can't evict them from working at home. If it's that much of an issue, you will need to move on.

CardinalCat · 10/07/2017 11:22

YABU

Original poster

LondonNanny90 · 10/07/2017 11:22

Just to clarify, I did NOT say "you cannot work from home because I don't like it" - I said something along the lines of, "I was just wondering how often you and kid's dad will be working from home - if it's going to be as regular as it has been could we come up with a plan to make sure you're disturbed as little as possible, and to make sure kid isn't too upset" - and she was surprised I'd brought it up.

OP posts:

AddictedtoSnickers · 10/07/2017 11:25

I am not a nanny nor have I ever employed one but I sympathise as my DH works from home 2 days a week and the constant popping in for the loo / snacks / coffees / lunch etc is bloody annoying. Youngest DC is only 2 and still too little to understand that Daddy can't stay and play with him. Cue tears and struggles every hour or so. I just try to be out as much as possible.

superfluffyanimal · 10/07/2017 11:30

I work from home a lot and it hasn't been an issue, part of the benefit of getting a Nanny was that I get to spend more time with DD, I don't want to be banished from the house! we often lunch together, I chat when making coffee etc. I pop up for cuddles when on breaks, it works really well and my DD is well behaved for the Nanny. If I get asked for something when the Nanny is here I tell DD to ask the Nanny not me. My DD is very used to me coming and going during the working day (meetings).

If I am on the phone in my office then my DD is told by the nanny not to bother me, my DD doesn't randomly come into my office, she wouldn't be allowed by the nanny but they will stick their head around the door to see if I am free to say good bye if they are off out.

We make decisions on what activities to do based on weather etc, we couldn't do that easily if I wasn't here.

Could this just be settling in issues? my DD is used to it now, your charges should also get used to it? stick with it if you like the DC?

I wouldn't take well a suggestion to work elsewhere. (I am not office based for starters and my firm wouldn't take well to me booking hot desks a lot).

YouHaveBeenSummarilyDismissed · 10/07/2017 11:30

LondonNanny90 YANBU at all. We've had nannies for many years and I completely agree with you. Not many career nannies want a position with a parent at home. I was always at home but was never "around" or available and if there was confusion due to my presence then I deferred to nanny who was "in charge" - not me.

Children will push the boundaries if a parent keeps coming to the rescue or breaking the routine, etc. It can be confusing and irritating.

You have to have a particularly aware parent to be able to effectively nanny while they are home. I don't feel that you are being unreasonable to want a work environment where you can be effective at carrying out your duties.

YouHaveBeenSummarilyDismissed · 10/07/2017 11:35

You would probably receive more measured and experienced replies if you ask for this to be moved to the Nannies board under "childcare"

PuppyMonkey · 10/07/2017 11:40

I think you sound a bit like you're in the wrong job to be honest.

Original poster

LondonNanny90 · 10/07/2017 11:41

Thanks for your response! You're right, I should have - I suppose I posted here as I was interested to hear parents' opinions. You sound like a great employer :)

OP posts:

Confusedandintrigued · 10/07/2017 11:46

Working from home is on the increase, big time.

So OP, you have a choice. Build up your experience, work out strategies, adapt.

Or don't.

placemark123 · 10/07/2017 11:48

I am currently sitting in a cafe working as the au pair has sole charge for a few hours. As she's an au pair we do spend considerable time in the house together, but I do agree it's impossible for her and the dc if I'm there but working, also how much work are the parents getting done with kids running around the house! Prob more possible with older kids or with great boundaries. Really hard for you, but I do think in London it's more of a thing now to work from home. Can't you get a job with two parents with v corporate jobs who will def be in the office?

Sparkletastic · 10/07/2017 11:50

Agree with PP. More and more companies require staff to work at home on a regular basis now so they can reduce their corporate estate. Think you need to work on how to cope with parents being around.

wizzywig · 10/07/2017 13:45

I always tell the kids to go to the nanny and not me. I work from home and its an utter pain when you have kids. Itd be easier if my kids would go to a holiday/ after school club but its too expensive when you have 3 kids and those with sen

JessieMcJessie · 10/07/2017 14:06

Have you asked them why they told you at interview they would not be working from home, but are now doing so after all?
The way you raised it sounds perfectly sensible and polite to me. Given what they said at interview I find it extremely odd that they were surprised you raised it.
It's a fundamental misrepresentation of the terms of the job but in any event it would be basic politeness to explain to you why what they said was no longer correct. I'd be concerned about trusting their word on anything else to be honest.

MeltorPeltor · 10/07/2017 14:10

I'm a SAHM and DH is self employed, he has realised that 'popping in to say hello' if he's in the area isn't worth it as DS doesn't understand he has to go back to work and just has a meltdown.

Could you explain to the parent? It can't be nice for them to hear or see their child upset.

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