who is being unreasonable - neighbours or us?

[rmw1016]

My OH and myself have just bought our first home. It is a terraced house . We have retired neighbours on one side who have recently started complaining about noise coming from our house which is disturbing them, examples:

• One night my OH dropped a metal dish on the kitchen floor about 11.30pm (kitchen is currently in a spare room upstairs as we are doing some work downstairs) it made an almighty clatter but lasted all of 5 seconds.

• Another night we had been out with some friends, we came home about 11.30pm and whilst our friends waited for their taxi, they went up and down the stairs to get their things out of the kitchen and we were chatting. This would have lasted 15minutes max as we were in bed by midnight.

• I dropped a glass at 10:30pm.

On all occasions, my OH has been spoken to the next morning by our neighbour claiming our noise was unacceptable and that neither of them could get a wink of sleep as a result of it. Its worth noting, the wife has severe Crohns disease so i think the lack of sleep is part of this. I think that the noise we have made is just normal living noise and is not worthy of complaining about. I want to suggest that they should get some ear plugs if its bothering them but worried this might seem insensitive.

The lady who lived here before was elderly and quiet as a mouse so i suspect its an adjustment for them but i feel like I'm having to creep around my own home and feel anxious after every night in case we are going to get told off again. I'd understand if we were screaming and shouting or playing loud music all hours but to make short bursts of noise is surely just part of living in a terraced house? Eventually we are going to turn that room into a nursery, are we going to get moaned at for a crying baby!?? They are a lovely couple and we are keen to keep things light between us, we've arranged to pop over to discuss it but everytime i think about it, i just feel more and more that they need to accept that they may hear noise from us. Any tips on how to sensitively say this?!!

TLDR - Neighbours complaining about us dropping things and having friends back, claiming this is stopping them sleeping. all incidents of noise have lasted less than 20 minutes and have been before midnight.

What are you supposed to do, not pick anything up after 9pm in case you drop it? And you can talk in your own house at whatever time you like. If you were being a bit louder (maybe after a few drinks?) then that's more annoying but on a weekend I wouldn't think it was unreasonable at all, especially before midnight.

If you have a temp kitchen upstairs then do you have building work or DIY going on? I wonder if their annoyance is high because of daytime noise but they feel they should only mention the late night stuff.

Of course it's easy to say YANBU for once accidentally dropping a dish but if you are daily washing up ormaking breakfast next to where they are trying to sleep or just watching telly, their position might be rather more understandable.

The dropping of items cannot be helped, obviously the upstairs kitchen is a temporary measure. The noisy friends would possibly annoy me, however I wouldn't dream of saying anything unless it was constantly happening (I'm a light sleeper who's usually out by 10.30pm but takes ages to get back to sleep). I'd quite happily house-swap with your neighbours, I'd love to see what they'd make about the noise we sometimes have to deal with between 9pm and 4am.....

thethoughtfox and yoksha have great advice!

My sister lived in a semi when her baby was born. When baby cried, the neighbours would thump the wall and shout. . Made a programme of controlled crying difficult.

You would really piss me off if you were my neighbours and making a noise for 20 minutes coming home with friends at 11:30 !!!

Then you are being ridiculous.

This is part of living next to people. All those complaining about it 'disturbing your sleep' did not that it was fifteen minutes before midnight?
You are absolutely not being unreasoable, OP, and your neighbours are going to have to get used to the odd bit of noise. It is life.

Noise from neighbors is part and parcel of living in a terraced house, I'd gently explain that to them. They were lucky that their previous neighbor was very quiet but I'd say that is unusual.

Can't believe anyone's siding with the neighbours. The neighbours are not only being unreasonable, they're so far away from reasonable that they couldn't see reasonable if reasonable was yelling and waving at them.

I mean, come on. Couldn't sleep a wink all night because a dish was dropped once? Really? And do they think it was deliberate? Assuming they realise it was an accident, what exactly are they asking for the OP to do?

Yes, I noted that the noise from friends was fifteen minutes and before midnight.

I go to bed before midnight, and it doesn't matter if it was 'only' fifteen minutes (actually I think that's quite a long time late at night); once it's disturbed you it's disturbed you.

They could have kept quiet while going to get their things. I live in a flat with two neighbours, and I'm mindful of noise and don't chat to whoever I'm with when I get home late. It's not hard, and it's much more considerate.

Sorry but yabu moving your kitchen into an upstairs bedroom 😞 even for a short while is very unreasonable! Terrace house are built to minimise noise by all having the same layout in the row. Dropping things whilst an accident in the room next to where they sleep will have startled them awake given them a real fright to. Add to which we can assume that as you've just moved in and are doing major work your house isn't fully carpeted and decorated making things louder and more echoy
then just to make things worse you have a troop of (drunk )friends run up and down the stairs whilst chatting at 11:30pm for 15 - 20 minutes that's just wrong.

Just normal living noises IMO - you can't expect complete quiet if you live in a terrace house.

We live in a detached house and still get quite a lot of noise from next door. They are continental and their kids are on a different schedule to mine. Mine are sometimes kept awake by theirs playing in he garden. I suspect theirs could be disturbed from day time naps by mine playing in the garden.

They also had a party one evening (in the garden) - chatting and (quiet) music going on after midnight.

I wouldn't dream of complaining - it is just normal life. Although I would have quite liked to be invited to the party.

If you want to be kind you could try and get stuff in the bedroom/kitchen done before about 10pm as a temporary measure until the real kitchen is finished.

YABU - you don't make a racket late at night, especially if you have chosen to move in next to people who eg: have small children or are retired, but more generally this is basic considerate/neighbourly behaviour.

If you're going to put a kitchen probably within feet of someone's bed and use it when they are asleep, put some soundproofing in - really this is such a useful thing when people have incompatible noise levels and can save years of disagreement

I'd buy them a bunch of flowers and apologise first, then make sure they understand that while your lifestyles differ, you will do your best to make sure it doesn't impinge on theirs, if they will do their best to be tolerant.

You should definitely be able to chat and use your stairs in the evening. That is a normal part of life.
Prolonged, intrusive antisocial loud noise is what to avoid, and you are.
Apologise, but Be non committal.

Pants that's why I wonder if this is more about building works and late night washing up/early breakfasts. I'm not siding withthe neighbour but looking for logical explanations.

We once stayed in a holiday home where our bedroom shared a wall with the neighbours' kitchen diner, and a communal washing machine. It was the only holiday I've ever left early.

When we've lived in close proximity to noises we've used a fan to mask sounds. We now live in a very quiet road and we use a white noise machine because if there is the slightest noise we waken.

Maybe suggest this to them however I think they are being unreasonable and they need to get used to their new next door neighbours. You seem to be aware of the noise so you'll be careful. Dropping things in the house cannot be helped and they are being VU with regards mentioning that to you.

ignore the silly people on here...
we have a lot of people living in a small island - and that means learning to live alongside each other. In our over-entitled culture it is all about 'me' and therefore controlling what everyone else is allowed to do - not quite sure where such selfishness has come from but seems to be the norm now... however that is fundamentally wrong - if you live in a terrace there is noise from next door - people are allowed to have lives and you are allowed to have friends come in at any time you like. If you drop something that is fine it is an accident...

It is not as though you were playing the bagpipes at 2am which would be unreasonable (to be fair it is unreasonable at any time unless you are really good! ) - you sound as though you are living a normal life and while they might prefer silence that is not their choice - they can move / they could have bought your house as an empty buffer - or they can live with it...

don't pander to them, if you put up soundproofing plasterboard, or make any suggestion of compromise then all you are doing is giving them carte blanche to complain about any other noise they hear...

tell them that you are sorry they find noise difficult, but you are simply a normal family living a normal life - and if you have a baby they will hear more noise, and they have warning of it now so they can move if they don't like the thought!

Having friends over on a Friday evening and talking for 15min in the hallway / going up and down the stairs once, all before midnight is definitely reasonable!
To everybody saying OP is BU, do you never ever have friends over after midnight?

OP don't worry about it, explain to them that you are taking them into account and are limiting the noise (for ex point out that there is no music - which a lot of people do!). You pight want to casually mention that when the baby is here he will be crying as they all do.

I'm shocked at people saying you are inconsiderate for making a bit of noise with friends one Friday night! A party every Friday night would be rude, but occasional noise late at night is just part of living in a terrace/town. I sometimes get woken by crying babies, odd bangs, motorbikes revving, helicopters overhead, partying down the road. It doesn't ever cross my mind to complain, one can hardly expect complete silence when there are so many people living nearby.

You say they are a lovely couple, but they don't sound that nice to me if they are telling you off for the slightest bit of noise! A nice person might casually mention "oh what was that bang last night" not tell you that it was "unacceptable". I suspect they are used to complete silence and any noise from you will be "unacceptable". So just practice smiling and waving and not stopping for a chat/telling off. Or saying "oh dear, we really aren't that noisy, have you thought about earplugs?"

To keep the peace you may want to think about soundproofing. Or even just putting bookshelves/storage on adjoining walls can help to muffle the sound.

You could think ahead to the future; when your neighbours house is sold on in a few years time (seeing as they are elderly), a very noisy family might move in just as you have a young family all needing sleep. So maybe while you're doing-up your house it might be easier in the long term to put in some sound insulation.

It might be the fact that you have just moved in so you are making more noise than usual - moving furniture around, unpacking etc. They have become sensitive to noise but hopefully once you are settled, the noise will settle too. I would say it is annoying when you are trying to sleep and there is a group next door chatting and laughing, it's not something I would complain about but they are elderly and not used to it from previous owner.
Luckily they don't live next door to my neighbour who plays their accordion at 1030pm at night but happily came over and told us to be quiet as he works long hours, two days after we moved in. (My husband came home from the pub and had been talking to someone walking down the footpath - probably loudly no doubt!)

We've asked to go over to see how bad it is! we have the option of putting some soundproofing plasterboard on our side so we might just do it and hope for the best!

Mass is needed as well as acoustic isolation, best ask someone who knows a bit about this subject before you waste a lot of money.

Noise is part and parcel of a terraced house apart from showing up the poor acoustic isolation standards.

No your not being unreasonable at all. If they have had a very quiet neighbor for a long time its just tough on them. Tell them to see what the council environmental health have to say on the matter.

The only thing I would say is make sure you don't fall out with them as that will make your life hell. I'd just smile sweetly and say very sorry, we do try to be considerate, and leave it at that. Your examples aren't extreme and you've done nothing wrong but of you fall out with them it'll be awful.

Your neighbours are the ones in the wrong. There's a woman in my mum's road who sends a solicitors letter to her next door neighbour every time they get the hoover out. People with nothing better to do who need to create a bit of drama over nothing.

Your neighbours are the ones in the wrong. There's a woman in my mum's road who sends a solicitors letter to her next door neighbour every time they get the hoover out. People with nothing better to do who need to create a bit of drama over nothing.