To be pissed off at close family visiting and not being told.

[Iris65]

My father is very ill and he and my mother live 150 miles away. My sister has just posted on Facebook that she and my Aunt and Uncle have driven up together to visit today. I live in the same city as my Aunt and Uncle but was not invited or even told that they were going.

Well people can only go on the info you gave, so if you don't like their answers perhaps you should have given more info?

Clearly you loathe them and they think much the same of you, so why any of you would be driving each anywhere is beyond me.

Why are you expecting anything from people who tease, criticise, bully and bitch about you? Why would someone so nasty give you a lift? You say you'll be on your own, but how would such a sister give you support, especially when you're vulnerable? Surely they'll behave worse when you're weak?

If you do what you always do, you'll get what you always get. Which in your family, is nothing.

Well people can only go on the info you gave, so if you don't like their answers perhaps you should have given more info?Clearly you loathe them and they think much the same of you, so why any of you would be driving each anywhere is beyond me.

This!

I wasn't thinking clearly when I originally posted.
What I don't understand is why they want me to visit.
There's no chance of making any peace because they tell lies, deny and minimise.
Going with my aunt and uncle would have reduced the pressure because I have a better chance of staying in the background and my aunt has defended me in the past.

I can't believe how appallingly rude some people on here are. Also 'entitled' must be the most overused word on here by some distance. If one of my parents was seriously ill and my siblings couldn't get to see them under their own steam, I wouldn't think twice about asking them to come with me. Neither would they. It's what normal, kind people DO.

I wasn't thinking clearly when I originally posted

Well that's hardly the fault of people replying to you!

it was not nice. if they live in the same area and were going anyway, the decent thing for them to do would be to let you know, and the nice thing would be for them to offer to take you along. (especially if they posted on fb.)
yes, obviously they dont owe you anything. BUT we dont do things for family because we "owe them", we do it because they are family and it is the right thing to do.
the healthiest thing for you to do is to move on from this upset and if you want to visit dad, go when you are ready.

Sometimes you just need to let things go and this might be one of those times.
Given the dynamics I am not sure why you are surprised they have gone without you. You don't want to go and they didn't want you in the car.
Do you really want to see your father, I suspect if you do, only guilt will be heaped on you.

Bow out of your fathers life gracefully do not get embroiled in their games.

Op you posted on the wrong page, AIBU is not well known for empathy although you have had some empathic answers. Post on the relationship board and the stately homes thread, where there are others who are also dealing with toxic families.

Do you have a partner/ friend who can come with you to visit your parents? I actually think your sister has done you a massive favour. If this will be your last visit with your Father, do you really want to spend it with him praising your sister and running you down? Go on your own (with a friend there to support you afterwards), make your peace, be it telling him he has been a cruel abusive father, but that you love him. Or through forgiving him and no longer letting his abuse hold you back.

Many hugs to you, it will be a conflicting and confusing time for you.

Thank you. It helps to hear this.