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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think of working away Monday to Friday for a year?

43 replies

Albagal · 09/07/2017 18:56

My Dh and I are mid forties, kids are 12 and 15. We both had well paid jobs in manufacturing and bought a house that needed renovation, we used all our savings half renovating it and then both got made redundant about 5 years ago. We both have decentish public sector jobs but with still needing to renovate house, much lower wages, kids of an age they need more stuff (getting quite advanced at activities that may become a career and would benefit from tuition etc) and a woefully underperforming endowment means we have a real daily slog that has taken its toll on us both. Every penny is accounted for and we are by no means on the bread line, can afford a newish car and a holiday every 2 years etc. I'm just worn down by lack of cash. My job is quite specialised and I can earn 500-700 a day if I contract at it but I'd only earn these wages in London. We live in Scotland. I've seen a 9 month contract at £750 a day that I could do in my sleep. Aibu to think that working down there for a 9 months mon- Friday and paying off the mortgage and then a few months off and maybe another 6 month stint and saving enough for kids uni is a good idea? Would I regret not spending quality time with kids? In my head we'd schedule quality weekend time, pay for a cleaner while I'm away etc. Is this a crazy idea? I haven't really discussed it with Dh but he stresses even more than me about money so I think he'd say yes! I'm
Worried how it wouldn't affect my relationship with the children AND with him, not the money side I've always earned more and he's happy with that, just the not being there and him being left to do all the family stuff might make him resentful even though I'd be working long hours.

OP posts:
LorelaiLeighGilmore · 09/07/2017 18:59

That's £180k a year. I'd do it without question - especially as your DC are older.

Akire · 09/07/2017 19:01

If you think your relationship would cope then go for it. You still see them 2 days a week and it's short term. Plenty of ways to talk to and keep contact with teens then actual spent time with them at weekends.

RandomMess · 09/07/2017 19:01

Do you have friends or family in the London area? Just wondering if school holidays they could sometimes be down there for a change. TBH I would go for it - try and negotiate a 4 day week if possible if do longer hours rest of the week?

NellieFiveBellies · 09/07/2017 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 09/07/2017 19:03

Thats a shit ton of cash. Yes

memyselfandaye · 09/07/2017 19:04

Would you live somewhere decent that the kids could come and stay during the school holidays rather than say a house share?

I suppose it would depend on how they feel about it, although it does sound too good an opportunity to pass up if you were offered the job.

Piffpaffpoff · 09/07/2017 19:04

I know of a few people that do the weekly commute to London but most of them do Mon- Thurs then Fri from home. I think leaving mon morn, returning late Friday would be murder tbh. It might be doable for a shorter term but a year would be very, very long....

Are there any shorter contracts you could try first? Where would you stay? And how would you travel. I'd be wanting to fly to maximise my time but how much would that cut into your earnings?

LucilleBluth · 09/07/2017 19:06

My DH works away for £110,000. It's well worth it imo. The money makes up for his absence and it won't be forever. We have three DCs.

LucyFuckingPevensie · 09/07/2017 19:06

Yep, I would go for it. Your dd will be spending less time with you as they get older anyway and you can have family time at the weekend.

scottishdiem · 09/07/2017 19:09

I'd do it but have some clear things in place.

  1. Housework is not to be left until the weekend. They need to do it, not you.
  1. Your envisaged quality time - be prepared for this not to be as you see it. At 15 at least one DC will have very different plans for their time. You need to accept this from the off. No weepy I miss my kids stuff.
  1. See point 1.
  1. Planned weekends but not every weekend. You may have had a week where you are ok and want a full on weekend with the kids. They may all be tired.
  1. Holidays - plan these well in advance.
  1. See point 1. If point one is not addressed you will be unhappy.
  1. Depending on what you work as look at other places as well including abroad. We moved to Dublin and have found it a place with a large number of well paying opportunities.
  1. Be prepared for transport failures like snow, fog, cows on the line etc. And cheap airlines dont care.
  1. Please look at point 1. Its important.
  1. DP and I lived like this for a year and it worked for us. No kids though and Point 1 was well in control. Skype or Facetime will be very important as it was for us.
NapQueen · 09/07/2017 19:11

I would do it in a heartbeat. As long as I could travel down monday am and return friday pm. Not sunday evening.

Windycityblues · 09/07/2017 19:12

My other half is away a great deal for work. We have two DC's. It is hard at times and the adjustment when he comes back from a stint away can be hard for both of us. At times I am resentful because I do so much day to day stuff and at times he struggles with missing school stuff etc. But overall it works well and the income both overpays on our mortgage and had given us some lovely family holidays. I would suggest giving it a go.

longestlurkerever · 09/07/2017 19:13

I know someone who does the opposite with younger kids than yours and on a more permanent basis (though she gets the Summer off). It works for them. i say go for it if you have your family's support.

londonloves · 09/07/2017 19:16

Just bear in mind that the 'day rate' bubble is bursting slightly for public sector contractors and if you would be working inside IR35 in the public sector you can no longer work through a ltd company so you need to factor in that your take home would be approx 55% of your gross day rate, as you will pay PAYE at 40% plus employer and employee NI contributions. (Sorry if you know this already but it might affect your maths). Also you obviously need to factor in travel and accommodation- again if you're not working through a ltd company this can't be tax deductible so will make the day rate less lucrative.

eightytwenty · 09/07/2017 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Albagal · 09/07/2017 19:29

It's outside IR 35 but that's definitely a consideration and means less opportunities that are worthwhile

OP posts:
Original poster
Albagal · 09/07/2017 19:32

my other concern is my elderly parents I guess... they live a few streets away, my siblings live close so they aren't reliant on me but if anything happened in a contract role you don't get time off as such...

OP posts:
bigkidsdidit · 09/07/2017 19:44

DH is a contractor doing that sort of job. I would say that for those rates you are expected to earn it - so you may be a away mon-fri then working at the weekend at home too.

The other thing to consider is hobbies / socialising etc - your DH may not be pleased if you are away five days then want to go to a hen for the weekend, or away for a weekend, or just go to the gym a few times.

EveEve13 · 09/07/2017 19:45

I think one year is worth trying - kids are old enough and money good.. and plan for the kids to join you some weekends/maybe one kid at a time for special bonding time.. so like an adventure. Would have to look closely at accom. costs thou

early30smum · 09/07/2017 19:47

I would do it, but how much £ would be taken up in travel and accommodation?

user1497480444 · 09/07/2017 19:51

If thats is what you have to do to earn the money, go for it. Have you taken into account travel to London and accommodation?

Don't waste money on a cleaner though, there are three perfectly able people in the house who can and need to clean for themselves.

londonloves · 09/07/2017 19:52

The risk is that it starts outside IR35 then the organisation get the willies and revoke and put it back inside and do a blanket agreement to make all contractors work inside. That's what has happened in a lot of NHS trusts. But it's still really good money, is be inclined to give it a go. You won't get much time off within a contract though.
Also think about how easy it would be to go back into the permanent market if it goes tits up / the market dries up or you hate it.
Contracting can be quite a lonely game, you never really fully integrate into a team and it's quite isolating in London. Hit me up if you do it and end up feeling lonely in London!

rookiemere · 09/07/2017 19:53

Have you factored in costs of travelling there and back and digs ?

Also once the contract has finished whats the plan? Would you be able to get work back where you live or not do you think?

What type of pension do you have in your current role and how many years have you been there - I'm a similar age and would be very reluctant to walk away from a defined benefits scheme at this point in my life.

I'm not saying don't do it, Im just saying that you need to work through the long term financial implications of this plus of course consider how your absence from weekly family life and your DH would be.

FWIW DH is a contractor in Scotland and has always shied away from jobs in London because of the travelling- is there any possibility of any similar roles more locally ?

PeachHalves · 09/07/2017 19:53

I wouldn't do it no. I also work for the public sector and could make a lot more in the private. Some things in life are worth more to me than money, time with family is one. Can't speak for anyone else and wouldn't judge you for your decisions. Just make sure you don't regret it, they are young for such a short time.

eurochick · 09/07/2017 19:55

I see some other posters have just made the point I was going to - is it still worthwhile when you take into account accommodation, travel between Scotland and London and also commuting costs?