Do I out my friend as the troll?

[Milkshakebelly]

I've name changed for this as I know quite a few people in my town are mumsnetters.

My friend who I've been close friends with for over 20 years is very opinionated, particularly on social media, which often lands her into hot water and spats on the internet. It's been so bad the past year that her youngest daughter is being bullied at school because of the way her mother behaves on Facebook. I've tried time and time again to advise her but she just doesn't listen - thinks she's invincible.

Anyway, we have this local town Facebook group which local people air their views etc. There has been a new member of the group join that is quite obviously a troll. Says disgusting things - really disgusting things - about local people, slandering them etc. The worst was they did a post about a disabled person making fun of them. This has been going on for months.

I was round my friends house last night and was having trouble with my online banking app on my phone so asked to borrow her tablet so I could log on and move some money. As I was logging on - a message popped up on the messenger bit and I could see from the first couple of lines it was abusive. Without thinking I opened it and quickly realised that my friend was in fact the troll on a fake account, and this message was from a local person being abusive about a post that's she had recently posted.

I didn't say anything and just handed the tablet back after I finished, marking the message as unread. It's playing on my mind - do I confront her? Do I out her?

Have you mentioned the batshit troll on the group to her? What a sad bastard they must be to spout so much crap to agitate, or a complete tossers if they actually believe half the crap they post?

That's what I'd do.

"Without thinking I opened it"

I think before making any further decisions you need to talk to her and tell her you've read it.

I'd probably wait for the next bat shit post and respond asking if how they would feel about making that statement again without the benefit of anonymity - because that's something that could easily be arranged....

Message the groups admin telling them you know the person is a troll and let them ban her or whatever it is they do.

She's already made it clear she doesn't care what you think on the matter of her trolling so approaching her isn't going to do anything.

I haven't because I didn't cross my mind that it was her!

I'm concerned for her daughter's safety because she is being bullied in relation to her mothers online antics

How intriguing.

Is your Troll Friend making up insane opinions, or revealing her true thoughts under the guise of anonymity?

The worst was they did a post about a disabled person making fun of them

Wow. Why on earth would you continue to be friends with a despicable person like that?

I'd confront her and then cut her out of my life. She's truly disgusting.

I think she got tired of all the hate she was receiving under her own profile so decided to set up a fake account to wind people up. Could be wrong - I'm still in shock that it's her.

I'd do what Darthmaiden suggested.

I'd be keeping my distance from her - toxic

She sounds completely toxic and I suppose you need to evaluate your friendship here independently of whether or not you "out" her.

But... is she oblivious to the problems her behaviour causes her daughter, or does she simply not care about her daughter's welfare? Does her ranting and raving come from a position of poor mental health (which presumably you would have an inkling of after 20 years) or is she just a plain, ordinary, utter bitch?

Because if I was behaving in an irrational and uninhibited manner that was causing actual social difficulty for family members, and was so unhinged that I was creating multiple anonymous accounts on the internet (cause there's more than one here, I'm betting) in order to go even further still - and all feeling that I am completely justified and reasonable, then I would hope that my friends and family would try to get me mental help, however they went about it.

It annoys me no end on Mumsnet when people describe bad behaviour (like a disobedient, rude child) and people pile on with the armchair diagnoses, but it's almost the only possible kind response here, really.

She would be no friend of mine if she was making those disgusting and toxic comments

What Greendale said 🔼

Why dont you click on report on her vile posts?

Im suprised the page admin havent banned her.

And do you really want to be friends with someone holding these views?

Aside from anything else, I cannot believe you opened someone's message!

Why is she a friend?

I would tell her I knew and that she had to stop it or you will out her. I wasn't aware you can read a Facebook message and then mark it as unread on a tablet. Why would you be friends with someone so awful is what I want to know ..

How do you mark a message unread on fb messenger?

Also why don't the group admin just delete the obvious troll

If you are going to do what Darthmaiden suggested, you may as well go the whole hog and tell her online that her antics are causing her child much distress and bullying and you are afraid for both her and her child's mental health. Because once you've told her that you know who she is, your friendship will be over. At least take the opportunity to advocate for her child.

I'm not saying you should threaten to out her btw as this is your choice.

You could also try talking to her. She sounds rather vile.

My mother has some rather taxing opinions. She doesn't use social media thank goodness.