Do I out my friend as the troll?
Milkshakebelly · 09/07/2017 14:57
I've name changed for this as I know quite a few people in my town are mumsnetters.
My friend who I've been close friends with for over 20 years is very opinionated, particularly on social media, which often lands her into hot water and spats on the internet. It's been so bad the past year that her youngest daughter is being bullied at school because of the way her mother behaves on Facebook. I've tried time and time again to advise her but she just doesn't listen - thinks she's invincible.
Anyway, we have this local town Facebook group which local people air their views etc. There has been a new member of the group join that is quite obviously a troll. Says disgusting things - really disgusting things - about local people, slandering them etc. The worst was they did a post about a disabled person making fun of them. This has been going on for months.
I was round my friends house last night and was having trouble with my online banking app on my phone so asked to borrow her tablet so I could log on and move some money. As I was logging on - a message popped up on the messenger bit and I could see from the first couple of lines it was abusive. Without thinking I opened it and quickly realised that my friend was in fact the troll on a fake account, and this message was from a local person being abusive about a post that's she had recently posted.
I didn't say anything and just handed the tablet back after I finished, marking the message as unread. It's playing on my mind - do I confront her? Do I out her?
astoundedgoat · 09/07/2017 15:33
She sounds completely toxic and I suppose you need to evaluate your friendship here independently of whether or not you "out" her.
But... is she oblivious to the problems her behaviour causes her daughter, or does she simply not care about her daughter's welfare? Does her ranting and raving come from a position of poor mental health (which presumably you would have an inkling of after 20 years) or is she just a plain, ordinary, utter bitch?
Because if I was behaving in an irrational and uninhibited manner that was causing actual social difficulty for family members, and was so unhinged that I was creating multiple anonymous accounts on the internet (cause there's more than one here, I'm betting) in order to go even further still - and all feeling that I am completely justified and reasonable, then I would hope that my friends and family would try to get me mental help, however they went about it.
It annoys me no end on Mumsnet when people describe bad behaviour (like a disobedient, rude child) and people pile on with the armchair diagnoses, but it's almost the only possible kind response here, really.
Mummyoflittledragon · 09/07/2017 16:01
If you are going to do what Darthmaiden suggested, you may as well go the whole hog and tell her online that her antics are causing her child much distress and bullying and you are afraid for both her and her child's mental health. Because once you've told her that you know who she is, your friendship will be over. At least take the opportunity to advocate for her child.
I'm not saying you should threaten to out her btw as this is your choice.
You could also try talking to her. She sounds rather vile.
My mother has some rather taxing opinions. She doesn't use social media thank goodness.
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