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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to introduce myself to new neighbours?

27 replies

JammyGem · 09/07/2017 11:45

Is this even the "done" thing anymore? DH and I have just moved across the country and don't really know anyone here. People seem a lot friendlier than where we lived before, and there's a definite community feel.

WIBU to introduce myself to our new neighbours? How do you even go about it? Or is it a bit weird to randomly knock on someones door?

(To put in context, where we lived before none of the neighbours spoke to each other except for a hello in the street, whereas here everyone seems to stop and chat- we don't want to be seen as antisocial or stuck up, but I just don't know how we go about it!)

OP posts:

Queenofthestress · 09/07/2017 12:01

Someone on here threw a party when they moved lol I would just go round and introduce yourself and see if they want a cuppa!

PippaFawcett · 09/07/2017 12:03

Do it. We moved last year and we would have done but both of our neighbour's came to introduce themselves.

ExplodedCloud · 09/07/2017 12:11

I put notes through doors introducing us and then everyone seemed to stop and chat :)

Nikephorus · 09/07/2017 13:01

My idea of hell. Either going round myself or having some stranger turn up on my doorstep.

MeanAger · 09/07/2017 13:04

I would just let it happen naturally. You will get to know people as you pass them on the street, while you are in the garden etc.

Original poster

JammyGem · 09/07/2017 13:05

Ah a note through the door might be a good idea, inviting them around for a cuppa and a chat... that way it's not intruding but if they want to say hello they know they're welcome!

OP posts:

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 09/07/2017 13:07

How different some places are to others. In my rural village calling round and introducing yourself would be considered perfectly normal. Nothing marks a town dweller out more than the horrified expression on their face when you cheerfully greet them as they walk round the village.

ExplodedCloud · 09/07/2017 13:10

I didnt go as far as a coffee & a chat!

krustykittens · 09/07/2017 13:11

Well, we just moved to rural Scotland and none of the neighbours have been around to introduce themselves, unlike rural Cheshire, where people not only introduced themselves but came around with cards, eggs and bottles of wine. So it depends on where you are. I am not marking myself out as the needy loon so I just say hello and introduce myself when I see them out and about.

AutumnalLeaves38 · 09/07/2017 13:13

OP,

Well, not regarded as at all 'weird' around here for a newcomer simply to introduce themself, thank God!

Suss out whichever neighbour looks the most approachable, avoid times they look particularly rushed, friendly smile and a "Just wanted to introduce myself...I'm X, and we've moved in at number Y" is all you need, I'm sure.

If your new neighbourhood seems so welcoming, go with your instincts: in time, you'll get a feel as to whether Mary 2 Doors Down would jump at the chance to pop round for coffee/ to meet your DH, but that Ann The Other Side is far more private, and wants to keep interaction minimal.

If, for any reason, you don't feel able to approach people so directly, then maximise chances for passing locals to strike up casual conversation with you instead (or even just to exchange a neighbourly nod and log your face for recognising in future).

Be outside as often as possible, esp. in early evenings/ at weekends...summer's ideal!

If you have any street-adjoining garden to be pottering around in (or even a tub/ hanging basket/ pavement hedge), then that's an easy one...

Nice comment to neighbour dogwalkers/ any parent of small DC, whilst fondly smiling at their dog/ toddler? Be a regular at the nearest shop?

Maybe a follow-up with "Oh, btw, would you know the best place round here to ?"

Good luck...I like the sound of your new community

Agoddessonamountaintop · 09/07/2017 13:15

I beg to differ, Cheesecake. We moved from London to the country and neighbours barely spoke beyond a brief 'hello' when outting out the bins. We did have friendly ndns for a couple of years, but one half of the couple who moved in after they'd gone was a 'speak when spoken to' type - and acted like she hadn't noticed you when you said hello which I did on purpose to annoy her for a while. I didn't bother eventually.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/07/2017 13:18

Well, I don't answer the door to anyone unannounced so you would be ignored if you were my neighbour! I do think it is strange.

SheSaidHeSaid · 09/07/2017 13:18

My neighbour knocked on my door the day we moved in to ask if we needed help with anything. Turned out my DH went to school with him and his brother!

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 09/07/2017 13:57

I'd find it really creepy to have a note put through the door! I'm friendly if I see them in the street, I've had the old neighbours round for dinner and taken them out/looked after them when they're ill. The ones who are similar in age, we have chats, but have been in each other's houses maybe twice in 10 years. I may have PTSD from a very invasive nosey neighbour before them!

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 09/07/2017 14:02

Agoddessonamountaintop fair point, I accept that there are friendly urban areas as well as unfriendly rural ones, I'm just glad I don't live in one.

AutumnalLeaves38 · 09/07/2017 14:25

PPs are so right: it varies incredibly as to what type of environment you're living in, and different approaches.

e.g. Huge apartment complex, high turnover, people using it as much-needed peace and refuge from long working hours = not conducive to time and inclination for fostering any personal relationships with the neighbours.

Understood.

And nobody wants a gossipy neighbour constantly foisting themselves on you in suffocating or invasive manner (see worrying number of MN threads about dealing precisely with that...sounds stalkerish and horrible).

But Nikephorous, WhatToDo, am curious to know whether you'd truly not prefer a pleasant new neighbour simply introducing themselves on arrival?
(Caveat: one who leaves it entirely up to you as to whether you make/ don't make any further overtures, and who then 100% respects your right to choose not to...and instantly just restricts her contact to a quick hello when crossing paths, but someone who at least is a name and face, who you know you could call on in an emergency).

Is even that still 'strange' and your 'idea of Hell'?
(No criticism, am just trying to understand).

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/07/2017 14:27

WhatToDo, am curious to know whether you'd truly not prefer a pleasant new neighbour simply introducing themselves on arrival?

The reason I don't answer my door to unannounced people is due to anxiety. So anyone knocking on my door without prior notice freaks me out.

If I met said neighbour out on the street and they were polite and respectful, that's great, a bond could form from there.

AutumnalLeaves38 · 09/07/2017 14:29

pedant alert: sorry, " *whom^ you know..."

AutumnalLeaves38 · 09/07/2017 14:32

(To clarify, btw, my pedant alert was aimed at my own comment!).

WhatToDo

Yes, I understand. That makes total sense...I suffer from anxiety myself.
It's a bugger at times. Hope yours is in a less debilitating phase.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/07/2017 14:34

AutumnalLeaves38 Oh it is, thank you I'm much recovered from how I used to be. I only have trouble with doors and phones now.

Original poster

JammyGem · 09/07/2017 14:35

Hmm ok, no note then. To out myself completely, we've just moved to a residential area in North Yorkshire- it does seem a very friendly community around us. I think I'll just stick to introducing myself when I see neighbours in the street, and maybe potter around in the garden a bit.

OP posts:

AutumnalLeaves38 · 09/07/2017 14:37

WhatToDo,

Glad to hear it's improving for you, too.

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 09/07/2017 14:37

When we moved in,our neighbours came round with welcome cards takeaway menus and biscuits! They didn't expect to come in just knocked, said 'Hi, we're John and Mary from no.2- if you need owt just ask... ' About 4 neighbours did this -!it was very nice

We aren't in and out of each others houses but have taken each other to hospital, done emergency childcare etc...

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/07/2017 14:38

AutumnalLeaves38 Thanks Hope yours is doing okay too

Nikephorus · 09/07/2017 14:49

But Nikephorous, WhatToDo, am curious to know whether you'd truly not prefer a pleasant new neighbour simply introducing themselves on arrival?
(Caveat: one who leaves it entirely up to you as to whether you make/ don't make any further overtures, and who then 100% respects your right to choose not to...and instantly just restricts her contact to a quick hello when crossing paths, but someone who at least is a name and face, who you know you could call on in an emergency).
I'd be happy enough with the quick hellos & emergency contact; I have that with the people opposite me, if the electricity or water goes off we can check with each other, jump start cars etc. But I don't need someone to come over for the express purpose of introducing themselves or making conversation. Just wait until you see me and give me a wave & a hello. Say nice things about my dog if I get close enough & we'll go from there. But don't put me on the spot or you'll get a or a load of waffly bollocks spouted at you as I attempt to do civilised conversation. One neighbour had to endure me discussing the merits of the council-provided bin bags

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