Nearly 40, feeling broody, is this normal?
lovethebluebells · 08/07/2017 21:06
I am 40 next year, I have two DCs age 8 and 6 (one boy one girl). I have unwanted but sometimes overwhelming feelings of broodiness! Is this just my clock ticking because of my age? We just don't have enough money/space/sleep reserves for a new baby. We have one of each type so it's not that I'm wanting a boy/girl to complete the family either. The thought shouldn't even be crossing my mind. Pregnancy does not agree with me medically to say the least!
I'm seem to be feeling sad that my two DCs are getting older. I had PND after DC2 and keep thinking I wish I'd not had this baggage hanging over the baby days with my last one. I'd quite like to repeat the baby/toddler years again without being overshadowed by it. I suppose I feel a bit guilty about all that. Then my thoughts turn to silly things like I wish I'd taken more photos at the baby stage, I wish I'd helped out more at playgroup sessions etc...
Am I losing the plot or has anyone else felt these things? DH sympathises to a certain point but I have a feeling this is a hormonal thing for me which he doesn't get...
Purplesky2 · 08/07/2017 21:11
Well I'm 38 and have 3 and feel the same so can't offer any advice except, you cannot rewrite history and your older children will still be older even if you have a new baby and I think the broody feeling is fuelled by a fear of letting them go a bit which you still have to do. A baby will grow up quickly, the years between 6 months and 3 years are dreadful - no relaxation time at all.
OhBeggerItsMorning · 08/07/2017 21:59
42 with 4 children and regularly get broody. Heart says yes, sometimes head says no, but sometimes yes!
Diagnosed with depression about 15 years ago so can empathise with how you feel about the PND bit, have many regrets\feelings of guilt about the past. But have 4 lovely children who don't seem affected by my depression (made worse with PND after each birth).
I would have liked more baby\toddler photos too, and would love to of done some things differently, but over time I have accepted the past and learned from it. I can't let the past adversely affect the future and just have to let some things go. Our youngest is also 6 so am going through similar stages of them growing up and letting them go to be their own person, it is so much harder with the last one than the others.
DHs can never fully understand the hormonal rushes we get, unless they start getting them, but hopefully they will be supportive and as understanding as much as they can be.
Have another baby if you and your husband want one, for the right reasons. There is nothing wrong with it if you both want one. Otherwise you can look forward to possibly having grandchildren when your children are (much) older, all the joy of helping with your children's children and no pregnancy, PND, etc.
lovethebluebells · 09/07/2017 21:23
Willreikers I don't blame you, this feeling is strong!
purplesky Yes - I think I'd just be in the same position in 5 years time but with less money....
begger you've explained exactly how I feel :( If we won some money somewhere DH would be up for it, otherwise not
Gurraun · 09/07/2017 21:34
Me too! I persuaded DH to ttc no 3 and 2 pregnancies ended in mc. I know I should let it go but it's so hard. My ovaries are literally screaming!! I also agree that it is to do with little ones getting bigger (my youngest starts school in September) and although I have 2 gorgeous boys, the thought that I might get a daughter to balance the family (would love another boy too of course).
All my friends with 3 say ignore it (only slightly joking) and my head says that is right (and seemingly my body), my heart not so much!
So no advice, just empathy!
MrsJBaptiste · 10/07/2017 21:37
No, no, no!
I knew I was well and truly done by the time I was 40. What you need to do is crank up your social life as the more you with your older kids makes you realise a baby would definitely ruin everything!
Pl7s, I have little nieces and nephews so get my fix of babies and little children when I see them and hand them back
Dogsmom · 10/07/2017 21:50
I'm sure our bodies trigger hormones to try and convince us to have another before it's too late.
I know someone who has 3 kids, youngest 9 and she decided at 40 to have 1 last one and is about to give birth to twins!
You say you feel bad about certain things regarding your current children's younger years but having a baby will have a huge impact on their lives now, they'll be affected by a crying baby during the night, be restricted on days out with a young baby, have less attention, finances stretched thinner, a toddler messing with their stuff etc
All that will give you a whole new bout of guilt.
lovethebluebells · 11/07/2017 09:34
Lots of good reasons not to have any more - thanks. Yes it would get in the way of my older twos' lives I can see that. I just need to switch the hormones off. I used to share a bedroom when I was young and I was determined my DCs wouldn't have to, it would be especially bad with a 6/9 year younger sibling, and we can't afford to move so that has to be that.
Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/07/2017 09:43
I fell pregnant with second baby at 40 and at 42 am currently expecting my third. I wasn't really broody at all, they were both vaguely discussed but frankly fabulous surprises as I was still reatfeeding both times and one on the mini pill. Just must have been meant to be.
I'm quite surprised and a bit hurt at some of the comments about "paving the way to being a grandparent, and don't succumb, or your ovaries last surge". Having a baby in your early and mid forties is rather common now. I thought Mumsnet was full of different women to this!
OP I don't really think anyone else can tell you what is the right thing to but I just wanted to share my story and hopefully validate some of your feelings as something you are entitled to and justified in.
You are a fair way off being a OAP yet.
Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/07/2017 09:47
Just to add before I get lampooned for being selfish that I most certainly am not. All my children will be under four, yes I am insane.
I think that it is right to point out the pros and cons and of course consider other children but surely this can be done in a way without comments which might upset other people.
I am not the oldest mum to be my midwife is looking after, incidentally.
lovethebluebells · 11/07/2017 13:39
Thanks gin. To be honest my age is the least of my worries. My mum had children in her 40s which was unusual then but I agree not unusual now at all. My main concern is we can't afford it! But also the age gap, the lack of sleep, what my DCs would think of it (I expect at least one would be very jealous and we have competitiveness issues already with two of them). Hormones say yes, head says no, heart says not sure but probably no...
MyCalmX · 11/07/2017 15:29
I had a thread recently in 30 days wondering if it was just my last hurrah of fertility making me feel a bit broody when I'm happy with my 2 dd and my family feels complete
My cousin is a nana at 40 so it's possible and not a dig at you gin. I have an 18 month old and just turned 40 so I see both sides but it does look fab for my cousin, all the fun while having an easier life
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.