Victim blaming

[Makkapakkaupsydaisy]

As women we are often told that we should protect ourselves more when it comes to rape and sexual assault. Alcohol being a major factor. We shouldn't get drunk and walk home/be alone with men.

Often when a woman was drunk and has then made a rape accusation, people will assume she is lying or exaggerating. Lots of people calling for anonymity for those accused of rape.

There are often quite sordid details around cases like these, drunk in hotels or in the back of taxis.

Why then, if we believe that so many women go around making false accusations, do we never hear anyone say to men, that if they don't want to be accused of rape they need to protect themselves.

The men could do this by;

Not going out and getting extremely drunk themselves thus making themselves vulnerable
Not having sex with extremely drunk women
Not having sex with strangers/unknown women
Not going back to hotels with drunken or unknown women
Not having sex in the back of taxis with unknown women
Not getting into taxis with strange women
Always staying with a friend
Not encouraging women and leading them on

Surely men could do a lot more to protect themselves from all these evil rape accusations?

"You"re wrong", I hear you say. Men should be able to go and be free, live their lives as they choose doing what men do, without fear of false accusations.

No more than women should be free without the fear of being raped.

100% agree with you. There's a good Facebook thing about how if victims of burglary were treated like victims of rape.

Victim blaming is never acceptable. The only person who bears any blame for a rape is the rapist.

Totally agree OP

Well of course you are right.
But since we live in a world where it does happen, you are better off trying to do what you can to protect yourself than not.''

No more than women should be free without the fear of being raped

Nobody is going to argue with that, are they? But unfortunately we have to have that fear.

Sorry I didn't really put what my aibu was.

What I wonder is why men aren't forever told how to protect themselves from false rape accusations. Since according some some there's an epidemic. Shouldn't men take steps to prevent themselves from being accused?

Shouldn't men take steps to prevent themselves from being accused?

I'm aware of exactly that advice being given to a group of young men.

I'm also aware of ways that men and women are advised to protect themselves from allegations of sexual assault/abuse in their workplaces.

One doesn't preclude the other.

As the mother of three sons, this is something I have talked to them about - but it isn't the main focus of what I've told them about relationships and sex. My main focus has been to bring them up as decent human beings, who respect other people and their feelings, because I think that this is the bedrock of all good relationships, whether they be working relationships with colleagues, friendships or intimate relationships.

I have also talked to them a fair amount about the risks of making stupid decisions when you have drunk too much - not just stupid decisions about sex, but stupid decisions about anything that might affect their safety or the safety of others around them.

Victim blaming is wrong on every level.

But suggesting tips on how to avoid things (or atleast minizing risks) isnt victim blaming

I like going to a cash point and withdrawing large sums of money and shouting loudly about it in a dogy area isnt the wisest cause of action, is this victim blaming suggesting they dont do said action?

So when does sensable advice about reduing risks cross over into victim blaming? ei telling women not to go home with random men. getting stupidly drunk leaving yourself vunerable? making the suggestion that you shouldnt leve doors / windows unlocked when going out etc

(Sorry i am not saying its the victims fault i am just wondering were the line is between good advice and victim blaming actully is)

Personally I think women should do more to protect themselves and shouting about "victim blaming" every time someone tries to educate them is doing them a grave disservice.

I pretty much stopped drinking by the time I went to university, largely because I didn't trust any of the people I was with to look after me if necessary.

And by the way one night when I did get burgled it was obviously partly my fault as I'd left a window open. He wouldn't have been able to get in - while I was sleeping, no less - if I hadn't left it open. It doesn't make the burglar any less of an asshole or less culpable or less deserving of punishment (I hope he rots in hell actually as I think I have mild PTSD from waking up to find a strange man in my living room) but it means I also need to take some personal responsibility for what happened.