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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make a speech at my wedding?

55 replies

gingerbreadkid · 08/07/2017 08:24

Getting married to my DP soon, for info we have 2 young children and have been together 5 years. It's a small and informal affair though still following the "traditional" wedding day I guess.

The groom, my dad and the best man will be doing a speech.

I've been musing over doing a speech too, mainly to talk about how wonderful DP is Grin

It struck me that everything is really all about the bride. When we got engaged DP said you know, not one person has shook my hand or anything. He wasn't looking for lots of attention but just for someone to acknowledge in some small way that he got engaged too. Generally speaking it's a lot of pressure on the man - how did he propose to you, what's the ring like, did he choose it himself etc etc. Then it's all about the dress and bridesmaids the list goes on and a lot of time the man gets "forgotten" about IMHO.

When it comes to the speech I know he'll speak from the heart and be very lovely and I thought it would be nice to do the same for him.

But I'm nervous Grin I'm no wallflower and it's a small wedding but it's making me anxious! I tend to waffle also... And I'll probably go bright red when I sit down! Also not entirely sure what to say!! Obviously I would have a good think about it beforehand.

Looking for different opinions really to see what others think of the bride making a speech? And if you did, what kind of thing did you say? Did it go down well?

OP posts:
tinypop4 · 08/07/2017 09:20

Do what you like. I did my own speech, mostly because I haven't really been bought up by dad. He was present but I didn't need anyone making speeches about me. I really enjoyed doing my own and being able to talk personally to the people I had invited

paradoxicalInterruption · 08/07/2017 09:21

I did. It hadn't occurred to me not to really. My brother did a speech as my dad died years ago and we were v outnumbered at wedding by DHs vast family so wNted someone from our side.

My Dh spoke and that was it. His kids were best men and too young to do a speech.

It wasn't the most traditional of weddings, no top table or anything.

ThornyBird · 08/07/2017 09:21

I did a speech too.

lifetothefull · 08/07/2017 09:32

I did, so did my bridesmaid and so did groom's dad. fortunately none of us went on for too long -except DH-.

n0ne · 08/07/2017 09:43

I did, both times Grin. Why wouldn't you?

SparkyTheCat · 08/07/2017 09:57

Go for it! I did it, and it went down well. We had a female MC, too.

Original poster
gingerbreadkid · 08/07/2017 10:12

Seems pretty unanimous! Grin

I'm considering not doing it because I feel nervous! And it's easier not to Smile but I'm sure the guys who are doing it will be a bit nervous too so i shouldn't let that stop me!

OP posts:
M00nUnit · 08/07/2017 10:38

I made a speech at my wedding reception and all my sisters made speeches at theirs too. They all have jobs where they're used to speaking in front of lots of other people so they spoke really confidently, but I'm not used to public speaking at all and tend to babble when I'm nervous so I wrote the whole speech down and read it out. I agree with you that brides tends to get a lot more attention and it's nice to focus on the groom a bit more by speaking about how amazing he is and how you can't wait to spend the rest of your life with him etc. etc.

LakieLady · 08/07/2017 10:56

My mate did. Hers was the last speech, and she started it off "All of you know that I believe in starting as I mean to go on. As (H) will never get the last word about anything again ...."

Great guffaws all round, not least because, like all the best jokes, it contained a large grain of truth.

acquiescence · 08/07/2017 11:00

Up to you, do it if you fancy it. For what it's worth it's often not 'all about the bride'. The best mans speech is all about the groom which often dominates! I would personally rather not but if you are confident enough to then fair play.

sweetkitty · 08/07/2017 11:02

Benn to some weddings where bride gives a speech some where they don't. I think I'm this day and age the whole father giving away and the bride sits there looking all demure whilst her new hubby gives a speech is so outdated

Taylor22 · 08/07/2017 11:24

Do it if you want. But I'd advise against doing them all either before food or making the whole ordeal to long.

I went to a stunning wedding. However all everyone talks about is how ridiculously long the speeches were and how everyone was desperate for food.

Original poster
gingerbreadkid · 08/07/2017 11:24

My dad's not giving me away, I'm keeping my name and Ms title and I def won't be sitting there demurely so me making a speech would keep in line with trying to move away from the outdated!

OP posts:
gallicgirl · 08/07/2017 11:28

I did a speech at our wedding. DH did a speech and the best man did a speech and a quiz. We didn't have any parental speeches.

It's your wedding, do what you want.

We also didn't have a band or dj in the evening, no dancing, guests just talked to each other! No top table either, DH and I sat alone at our own table with guests around us.

TartanDMs · 08/07/2017 11:29

I didn't but only because I hate public speaking and when I got married all those years ago I would rather have stuck pins in my eyes than speak in front of a crowd (now I would do it, waffle and blush, but get it done all the same).

timeisnotaline · 08/07/2017 11:33

I did. I didn't particularly feel like giving one tbh but i couldn't take one of the most important days of our life and stand at the side while my husband speaks for us!

GrumbleBumble · 08/07/2017 11:38

I did - I started by stating that I'm not known for being quiet and a few hundred years of tradition wasn't going to make me start now. I did some thank yous, explained my choice of brides maids (male) and made a joke about my husband. I'm more comfortable public speaking than I am in one to one conversation with people I'm not close to so it wasn't difficult for me. Decide what you want to say, make notes as bullet points, practice and have your notes to refer to rather than a full speech written out. Good luck.

ticketytock1 · 08/07/2017 12:22

Yanbu. I made a speech at our wedding. I was really nervous but glad I did it

milliemolliemou · 08/07/2017 13:14

Do it, OP. Make it short - 5-6 minutes is fine and very manageable. Lovely to say something loving about your husband, but do include a couple of funny anecdotes (that he isn't using).

Try just to make bullet points which guide you along - reading a speech out tends to lose an audience. They'll be totally on your side and willing you on - so smile and look at them.

milliemolliemou · 08/07/2017 13:15

PS 5 minutes is about 900 words .....

EssentialHummus · 08/07/2017 13:26

Not a speech per se, but I read the Wendy Cope poem "The Vow" out at mine. Was very well received (and it's a great poem!).

SootSprite · 08/07/2017 13:27

I did, I went first 😂 Definitely write it down though. I thanked our parents, the bridesmaids and told a couple of jokes. We had a terribly traditional do, back in the 90's, and it was nice to have a little break from tradition.

MsSusanStoHelit · 08/07/2017 13:30

Yep, do it. I wasn't about to have the day I bloody organised and paid for only feature words from men, nice as the men are. I was a bit annoyed that none of my bridesmaids would speak tbh but they weren't keen, and my MIL didn't want to either.

Also, like you, I wanted to make a bit of a fuss of my DH too. Have at it, and remember that everyone is there for you and is on your side, so they're cheering you on when you speak.

EllaHen · 08/07/2017 13:31

I did. I always think it's a shame when we don't hear the bride speak. I always did one at my sister's wedding.

My brother's wife did the best speech at their wedding, I was really impressed.

Go for it.

EllaHen · 08/07/2017 13:31

Also, not always.