Mum gave DD a dummy..

[alicelake]

So my mum had dd for tea last night while me and dh went out for tea, which I was very grateful for, however DD hasn't had a dummy for over a year, yet when I got to my mums to pick her up at 730 she had one and Mum said 'don't be cross she was just so tired' (didn't even know she had a dummy in the house!) I took it off her and obviously she wailed and my mum called me mean mummy! I said well it makes it very difficult for us as we don't use them. Then as we were leaving Mum started crying like I'd been really harsh?! This isn't the first time it's happened, but assumed she didn't have the dummy's anymore. And I usually bite my tongue when she goes against my wishes but this just really grated on me. Sorry for rant!

I would have been furious if anyone gave one of my children a dummy against my wishes, particularly at that age. My babies did have dummies, but I stopped giving them as babies.

I would never dream of going against my grandchildren's parents' wishes with their parenting choices - unless, obviously, it was something very obviously causing them harm.

Ignore your mother's tears. She's being ridiculous and childish.

She wasn't exhausted. DD is not hard work, my mum is not even 60 yet she's not old and is very fit and healthy. I don't think it's unfair to ask that she follows my wishes

I agree that your mum shouldn't have disrespected your wishes, but I don't think it's worth the drama to make a fuss tbh. You say your DM is dramatic, people like this do things for effect so my advice would be to play it down and ignore it. Once behaviour like his stops being rewarded then she will have no reason to push it.

Have a quick chat with DD along the lines of 'oh silly grandma forgot you're not a baby anymore!' and then move on. Fwiw, my dad who similar with my DS1 - constantly trying to take him to macDonalds, feed him ice cream, cups of tea, encourage him to get muddy/sticky/as messy as possible whereas I didn't encourage those things. He eventually stopped when DS1 was old enough to tell him himself that he didn't want/like whatever's he was trying to do. It was all for effect so he could say 'ooops they were furious with me!' to his friends. Only I had PND and he made things so much worse. He tries it with DS2 who is more willing but I don't react because if I do he'll do more.

I dont think the granny was doing the op a huge favour she had her granddaughter for tea so the op went out for a couple of hours just because gp babysit doesn't mean they can go against parents direct wishes especially with something like a dummy.

Yy what a pp said say grandma forgot you were a big girl and gave you a dummy then move on.

And I don't agree crying is always manipulative. I would have felt like crying if I'd looked after a friend's preschooler for the evening (a nice favour) and on pick-up friend snapped at me for doing something wrong! You could have thanked her for babysitting and mentioned the dummy next time.

I wonder if your mum panicked because DD was tired/whinging/unhappy and automatically offered a dummy as a comforter? The same way some would offer a biscuit or a cuddly toy.

If you show her all the bad things which is associated with use of dummy, she might back off?

Luckily DD understands. I have said that and she seems to have already forgotten. I didn't snap at her, and of course I thanked her for baby sitting. But I did tell her it makes it hard and we were gone less than two hours, she shouldn't have struggled or panicked

I think your mum has been rather cruel to your DD actually, it's not fair in her to allow her to regress back to a dummy when she doesn't have one at home.

Your DD may now struggle without a dummy and you have to face weaning her off it again, very unfair on you and DD (just for a bit of peace while in her care, lazy and selfish of her)

All the posters saying it's not a big deal, obviously haven't had children who have been dependant on dummies and then struggled weaning them off them.

If you don't like the way your mom does things (and I wouldn't) then simply don't ask her to babysit for you. Simples.

Im a bit split on this one. She is only 3, DM may not have known.

But as for the comments that it is hell to get them off it, well you tell them and take it away.

My sister was anti dummy from birth, so was my DM. The result is my nephew is far older than your DD and sucks him thumb all the time and at night and I sucked my thumb until I was about 9 and it pushed all of my teeth forward and my nephew is the same. You cannot police thumb sucking, particularly not at night whereas a dummy can be rationed and removed.

I couldnt get wound up about an isolated incident of dummy use as there are far worse things.

This would have driven me insane when my kids were younger. But now I can kind of see this from your MIL view that she was just doing something to make your daughter happy. !!!OMG my kids are only 7 and can now see myself turning slowly into a annoying MIL!!!!