To think not all relationships survive kids

[Happyhappyveggie]

Been with my OH 16 years & have 2 kids. Absolutely adore my kids but I don't think our relationship is going to survive it.
We don't parent in the same way and disagree about pretty much every parenting decision. I feel stressed for my kids as home environment really toxic at the moment.
On the waiting list for relate but I genuinely think there is no hope.

Aibu to think that some relationships just don't survive kids, no matter how much you jointly love your kids? It really feels like the pressures are huge sometimes

How old are your dc?

Not unreasonable at all.

You could very easily agree on all the things that are important when you don't have kids, but find that the things that become important when you do have kids turn out to be cases where you fundamentally disagree.

Sometimes they don't but is this fixable? Only you know that.

We have been together for 16 years too. I have to admit, our children are the area we butt heads the absolute most. You have my sympathy, only you can know if it is really not salvageable though

I think iys fairly well known and accepted that relatipnships often dont survive having kids.

Even if you stay together, by the end of raising them you can end up 2 very different people that arent compatible without the kids around.

Is there much point in relate if you are convinced its over? Or are you going to communicate thats its over for you?

I would be really resentful if i was going to relate to save our marriage, but dh was just going with the plan to end the marriage.

Yanbu.

My brother is going through a very messy divorce ATM after having two dc in quick succession. In hindsight though, their relationship was always quite iffy. Seemed very rushed and a bit for show iyswim. Think the dc were the goal for them, more than their marriage and they did achieve that goal. I think their relationship would never have lasted but having the dc sped things up a bit.

It's for the best that they are splitting, but I would say that divorce looks incredibly hard too. But I think it depends a lot on the couple. Others seem to manage to make a clean break from the romantic side, but still co-parent successfully and even maintain a friendship.

Good luck with relate and whatever you decide to do .

Lots of relationships don't survive kids. Lots of relationships don't survive full stop. People change

I agree OP, it's so hard being a parent so can put strain on the strongest of relationships.
Hope it works out for you

I will go to relate with an open mind but I'm so tired of how hard it is all the time! I love being a parent and I love my kids and wouldn't be without them for a second but I am worn down by the constant disagreements about everything

What kind of disagreements?

Just to say you're not unreasonable but like someone said upthread relationships can sometimes fail children or no children. On saying that, there is no doubt that kids can add a different layer of pressure and expose weaknesses that take on more significance as a parent.

I know it sounds a cliche but look after yourself and focus on what is best for you and your children.