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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving a 10yr home alone

18 replies

HettiSpaghetti · 07/07/2017 19:56

DD at her dad's today and apparently he left her for 41/2 hours on her own whilst he went somewhere an hour away.

I feel really uneasy about this.
He's only just moved into his house so she doesn't know the neighbours to ask for help if necessary and anyone she could phone in an emergency would be at least 20mins drive away (I live 30mins drive away).
Also, he wouldn't have thought this through and judged it safe, his decision would have been based on what was easier for him.

I wouldn't leave her for this long ( 1 or 2 hours may be) plus she's lived here all her life so knows the neighbours and there numerous family/friends she could contact within a few minutes walk.

My judgement on this may be clouded as I'm pretty annoyed with him at the moment - he treats the children like an inconvenience which they are picking up on and are increasingly not wanting to see him because of it.

I completely accept if you think I'm being unreasonable and I shouldn't get involved in his parenting.

DD seems fine - 'was a bit worried but just sat and watched films'

OP posts:

PsychoPumpkin · 07/07/2017 19:58

I wouldn't, not for that long. That's a huge chunk of the day!

StealthPolarBear · 07/07/2017 20:00

I have a ten year old who is fairly sensible. We've lived here all his life, same wonderful neighbours.
I've only just started leaving him for up to an hour while I'm local - only done that once and Im not sure if I'd have done it if I'd been driving.
Maybe I'm too extreme the other way :)

Sittinginthesun · 07/07/2017 20:03

I think that's too long. I've only just started to leave my 10 year old for ten mins here and there, and only if I'm within a five minute drive away.

Leeds2 · 07/07/2017 20:05

I wouldn't have left my 10 year old for that length of time. Even in an area where she knew the neighbours etc.

Do you know what dad was doing?

Heartoverheadhouse · 07/07/2017 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abra1d · 07/07/2017 20:07

I'm pretty slack but I wouldn't leave someone that age for so long at that age.

Heartoverheadhouse · 07/07/2017 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrettyGoodLife · 07/07/2017 20:20

Yanbu I would not leave mine...at all, no way!

Whodoesthis17 · 07/07/2017 20:23

How did your child feel about this?
I would go up the wall if this happened to a child I know, it's not like he could get back to her quickly.

ParadiseCity · 07/07/2017 20:24

Yes but no - in situation where DC knows the area, neighbours and is HAPPY to be left, is contactable, fine. In situation you describe - no!!!

Original poster

HettiSpaghetti · 07/07/2017 20:26

He was taking one of the other children to an activity.

I'm normally fairly relaxed and the children are very sensible (DD is the youngest) but this made me uneasy (OK in truth it made me completely pissed me off).

I'm trying not to interfere with his parenting too much (or he has a tendency to kick off) but his decisions are often based on what is convenient for him so he's likely to use poor judgement.

Unfortunately he is very EA. I'm picking my battles carefully at the moment until the practicalities are sorted out. I'm trying not to interfere unless I feel the children are unsafe (physically or emotionally). Even though I'm away from him I still often feel my judgement is 'off' hence asking for a second opinion.

Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

HettiSpaghetti · 07/07/2017 20:28

To clarify my (very, very sensible) DS(17) is normally there when the other children are there so I'm comfortable knowing there is someone looking out for them/able to bring them home if they want to come.

Unfortunately today he had a college open day.

OP posts:

AnneElliott · 07/07/2017 20:34

I wouldn't leave my DS for that long.

milliemolliemou · 07/07/2017 20:58

Too long with no one close enough to respond. Why couldn't DC go along on the excursion your exP was taking the other one to? Did he leave her with phone numbers/ask her opinion?

Original poster

HettiSpaghetti · 07/07/2017 21:31

They would have to hang around for 2 1/2 hours while the other child did their activity and ExH said she would be bored (obviously didn't think to take books/games and find a bit of grass to sit on in the sun).

DD has her own phone so could call people.
Apparently ExH did phone her once whilst he was out to check she was OK but it's still too long/too far away.

I think DD agreed to be left because she felt grown up but got a bit anxious after ExH left. I've spoken to him about it now - lots of my child/my time/my parenting arsiness but it won't happen again.

OP posts:

Yika · 07/07/2017 21:33

Your instincts are right in my view. Good call.

AngeloftheSouth84 · 07/07/2017 21:34

I'd say 10 is borderline whether to leave them for any length of time, and only then in familiar circumstances. So YANBU.

halcyondays · 07/07/2017 21:35

Yes, i think 1-2 hours max and only if quite close by, not an hour away.

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