Child not invited to party

[Hulashaker]

My DD is not invited to SIL's children birthday parties - is it unreasonable to expect them to include her. Especially when they are activities that everyone is able to participate. I assumed that was something families did - and I know they've invited other cousins in previous years before we had a child, but those ones are older now so they have less party type events however there is two years between youngest niece and my DD (mine bring younger). The age gap difference between them before was three years so I'd assumed she'd be included. Just wondering what's normal or expected really

Depends on the party and whether she just wants friends rather than family there

Are the children good friends? If not I wouldn't expect an invite, cousins or not. Perhaps they did the cousin thing with the older kids and have now just decided to invite the children's actual friends to parties, which is not unreasonable. But if the kids are friends, I would have to ask why she wasn't invited.

Have they just invited school friends this time maybe?

I don't recall being invited to my cousins birthdays nor they mine once we started school and acquired friends

How old are the DC? We invited cousins when our DC were younger, but by the time they get to school age they want to invite their school friends and it's hard for a "stranger" to fit in. Plus the DC have fixed ideas about who they want at their party!

I don't invite my nephews to DDs party, they're younger and would have no interest in the girly stuff DD does.

I've found as kids get older even a 2 year age gap can cause problems for parties. Lots of activity type parties have lower age limits for example. In our family sometimes cousins are invited and sometimes not depending on what the party is, and all the cousins are quite close.

I have had a party for dd and invited her cousin out of obligation rather than because dd wanted her there. One year it was a tea party with school friends. Cousin didn't know dds friends, didn't want dd worrying about making sure cousin was included. It's tricky. But I don't think it's a necessity to invite cousins.

There's no normal, different strokes etc but I certainly don't think there's anything unusual about not being invited, it totally depends on the family dynamics

We were never invited to my nieces and nephews parties, and likewise we never invited them to ours. I've been at a few parties where people have done this and I think it's a bit awkward. Family often think the cousins should sit next to the birthday child, but then best friends feel put out as have to sit halfway down the table and don't know who the cousins are.

They probably feel that if they invited your DD they would have to invite the other cousins too. How old are they and do they socialise much together otherwise? I wouldn't be offended by this to be honest.

I agree with previous posters that it's most likely an age gap thing. My eldest isn't at school yet so we invite his cousins and do less formal parties - more a family gathering - because he doesn't really have many friends yet.
I imagine next year he will hopefully have acquired a few school friends in which case we will have a more age appropriate party with activities for 5/6 year olds, throwing kids a few years younger into the mix makes activities more difficult (tantrums over pass the parcel anyone?!)

Thanks all, it was only because when the other cousins had a birthday I remember them being invited and they were 3 and 6 and this would be 3 and 5 both girls so it seems the same to me

I am a little sensitive to the in laws so can never tell if it's me or just my issues

Some parties aren't whole class/invite all friends and families type affairs. It's up to the birthday child who they actually want there. It's their celebration.

We dont invite nieces and nephews (and neither does dbro) now the kids are in school. Because of their school friends.

My ds wouldnt want to go to my neohews party. Because he would not know anyone apart from my nephew and there is 2 years between them. Which at 4 and 6 is a fairly big amount.

At 3 your niece probably wouldn't really have had her own friends, she'd be very dependent on who her parents were friends with, so cousins/friends of family/etc. being invited is much more common. Once they're school age they are much more clued into who their friends are and parents become more aware of the need to develop friendships within their child's class, so there is less of a "need" to invite other children. I don't think it's personal, just that as children grow they have different needs for parties etc. We invited cousins (all older) to my DDs' parties when DDs were

We always used to invite dds cousin to her parties, he's almost 3 years younger. Dd was invited to his first and second birthdays but not after that. She was very very upset when sil stopped inviting her so in the end, we stopped inviting dds cousin. YANBU to want your child to be included.

My girls are close to their cousins but they haven't been to each others parties since they were preschoolers

For "baby birthdays" it's mostly family, but once they're in school it's just school friends. I think that's pretty common. Until the landmark birthday parties anyway (16, 18, 21) when family are invited again.

At 5 my dd has class parties so we don't invite dn or dnephew. Or our friends dc. My youngest f2f is only 3 so we invite family and friends and their dc to that party. So no I wouldn't be upset or expect my aim to be upset at not being invited to a 5 year olds party