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AIBU to stop helping at school - Muggins alert

56 replies

MugginsMcMuggins · 07/07/2017 09:35

I am really upset this morning with myself because I am a mug.

We moved to a new town a few years ago which meant DC had to start a new school and make new friends. Since then, I have spent a lot of time helping out at the school e.g. reading with DC, going on trips, parking duty, helping out on social days and events. I think on average I spend about 4 hours a week helping out. A few weeks ago I was there for 8 hours in one day helping. The other parents just sat round enjoying the day and did nothing to help. I'd say there are 5 who help a lot out of the 450+ parents. The school is very grateful for our help. FYI in my school, I'd say at least 60% of the mums and dads are SAHP's.

The reason I am upset is because there are a few things that have happened recently that have made me think I no longer want to give my time up to help.

Firstly, one of my DC is really great at performing. In the past they have been given great roles in the plays and performances. Over the past year my DC was given very minor parts as lots of the parents banged very loud drums over their DC not getting good roles. I understand that everyone should be included but these are the children that are picked out for A teams in sport and get to shine in lots of other areas. I don't complain when my child is not selected for the many other things theirs are.

Secondly, one of my other DC just got bumped from a clubs list for something next year because someones parent kicked off about their DC not being in it. I complained and was told it was too late to change now.

I feel that my niceness is not doing my DC any favours. I know this is paranoid, but I feel that people must sit round a table and say, well Mrs Stroppy wants this and good old MugginsMcMuggins won't mind.

I am very upset with myself. My DH is very upset with me. He said he doesn't go to work so I can be a SAHM and help everyone else's DC out. I am angry and am asking myself why on earth I would want to help out at the school, benefiting other parents, when they have no hesitation to ride rough shot over my DC?

OP posts:
eagleHasLanded · 07/07/2017 12:16

It's outrageous that one parent can miss a deadline and make so much fuss that the school give in and bump kids whose parents got their act together in the first place

That would be very unreasonable.

However i do wonder if a child hasn't received a letter or a small group or entire class hasn't through no fault of their own.

Had that happen to me children – with SEN group interventions and long term illness and hospital appoitments you can start to feel your child’s being disadvantaged twice all because a letter doesn’t get put in the tray and no-one lets you know anything about it till deadlines have passed.

user1495390685 · 07/07/2017 12:16

Yep, I agree OP. Step away a little. Helping the school can get really overwhelming. I actually work full time and still find myself being a class rep and organiser of a number activities for the various fund-raising exercises; I take days off for school trips and help out on the occasional morning when I can move meetings and make up the work in the evening/night time. Unfortunately, the same group of people help out every year and have to work pretty hard to keep the show on the road. Working full time is not a good excuse not to get involved! Many parents seem to be happy to get a free ride. Schools depend on those who put the time in (I do wish schools could be much more efficient and spent less time on pointless activities but that could be just our school.)

ellenripleysbiceps · 07/07/2017 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

userblahblahwhatever · 07/07/2017 12:32

Don't stop helping at school if you enjoy itSmile

I help at school too and although it does hurt when school treat you as just another parent, I think they have a horrendous job keeping everyone happy.

Advocate for your child re the club but remember why you wanted to help in the first place. I'm sure this wasn't for special favours.

The only thing you can do is simply stand your ground and then they might see you're not a push over.

I remember helping at school a few afternoons a week and I struggled with either feeling like a staff or feeling like a parent. It was pretty isolating really and other parents did make catty comments.

But I adored the children!

sadsquid · 07/07/2017 12:33

Good point eagle, could be the school's communication system falling down for that family, in which case they've reason to kick up a stink.

RedSkyAtNight · 07/07/2017 12:57

I also wondered if the reason for asking everyone to re-apply for clubs was that there were whole swathes of parents that hadn't had the original letter - which would be totally reasonable. This seems to be backed up by the fact that there were several (and not just one) more DC applying for the same club as OP's DC the second time around.

Re the plays - if your DC has had good parts in the past, it does feel like it's time for someone else to have a turn at one now!

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