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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think actually this is bullying

15 replies

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 06/07/2017 21:44

DD's school have said they can bring in colouring books word searches etc to sit and do quietly in the shade at lunchtime if they want to, so i bought DD(8) a colouring book, and put her name on with a sticky label, she came home today and in her bag is her colouring book but with her name scribbled out and another child's, lets call her A written above it, A is in the same class but not one of DD's friends.

I spoke to DD and she says A tried taking her book at break but DD told the teacher, who looked at it and said no, that is clearly DD's name and made A apologise and give it back and talked to her about not taking other peoples things, DD put her book in the box (where they are supposed to be kept). At lunchtime DD couldn't find her book, a year 6 helped her look and found it in the cloakroom with her name scribbled out and A's name written above.

A has previously crossed out year 3 on DD's lunch box and written year 1, DD also tells me that A takes her homework out her bag and hides her PE kit and that A isn't allowed to sit with DD at lunch anymore as the staff got fed up of telling her off for taking food out of DD's lunchbox, her mum has returned quite a few bits she's found in A's bag (although we had thought they got there by accident, their bags are next to each other) and at the school fair she took one of DD's sweets, but i had put that down to a bit of greediness rather than anything serious.

I'm not worried about the book itself by the way, it's a poundland one deliberately because DD is always losing things at school (although I'm starting to wonder about how much of it she is actually losing) but DD hadn't told me about most of this until I asked about the book.

OP posts:
NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom · 06/07/2017 22:08

Yes, I'd be making a formal complaint to the school if this was my daughter as it sounds like she's being deliberately targeted by A.

NuffSaidSam · 06/07/2017 22:08

It is very unpleasant behaviour.

It sounds like A has got some behavioural problems. All the negative behaviour seems to revolve around stealing, like she's suffering from Kleptomania or something. Does she target DD specifically? Or does she do this to everyone?

I would ask to speak to the teacher and tell her everything DD has told you. Ask them how they will deal with it going forward. You also need to talk to your DD about how important it is that she tells you stuff like this when it happens.

I don't know whether A is a bully or a very troubled little girl or both.

Eebahgum · 06/07/2017 22:11

Hmm - tricky. I started off thinking "it's a bit mean, but not really bullying" but it does seem to have happened a lot. Regardless of what it is or isn't I think you need to arrange a chat with the school asap to make sure someone is dealing with, and trying to put a stop to, this weird behaviour.

Butteredparsnip1ps · 06/07/2017 22:12

It's wrong - and your DD is certainly a victim here.

I wonder though, what is behind A's behaviour, and whether there are any special circumstances?

Not that there is any excuse for your DD to continue to be on the receiving end, but i would hope that school would tackle this one.

soapboxqueen · 06/07/2017 22:15

Bullying doesn't have to be name calling, or violence etc It can include interfering with belongings. The key thing is 'repeatedly and on purpose' which I think would qualify the situation you have described.

Note down all of these little or big things. Even if you have already discussed it with the school previously. Ask for a meeting and go through your concerns. It may be this girl only targets your dd or many children but that isn't your concern. They need to show how they are going to stop this behaviour towards your dd.

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 06/07/2017 23:07

I haven't spoken to the school yet as the little bits I knew about didn't really seem worth it. I have had a chat with DD about telling me, and about telling the teacher.

As far as DD knows it is just her A is targeting. A doesn't have any issues that I know of, but I wouldn't necessarily know, the mum and i get on ok but aren't that close.

OP posts:
doobree · 06/07/2017 23:52

Sounds like jealousy is the motivation perhaps, but whatevre the reason, this is definitely not nice for your daughter and happening far too much so yes, it is a form of bullying and action needs to be taken.

IStoleDipsysHat · 06/07/2017 23:56

Yes it's bullying and yes you need to approach the school . They need the full picture as does A's mother who seems to be on board with discouraging her daughters behaviour. It's because the whole story hasn't been told that this behaviour has been allowed to continue and spread from lunch to homework to personal items etc. You need to be able to piece it all together to be able to develop an approach and that means involving all of you.

MargaretTwatyer · 07/07/2017 00:22

You should bring it up with the school because in particular taking food is a safeguarding issue and should be raising red flags for the school. Daniel Pelka died after months of abuse and starvation which had gone unheeded even though he was stealing out of other children's lunch boxes and even taking food from the bin. If she's stealing food at school something sinister could be happening at home.

Bring it up with school for both their sakes.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 07/07/2017 05:59

A is bullying your dd. Start keeping a diary about the incidents and go and talk to the teacher.

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 07/07/2017 09:27

Thanks all, I've had a chat with the office, they are going to talk to DD's teacher and get back to me (she's not in this morning).

I'm pretty sure A isn't starving but school are already aware about the food, I'm cross they didn't make me aware as DD is underweight and they know packed lunch is because I'm keeping an eye on what she eats.

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 07/07/2017 09:59

I don't think she is losing things it sounds like she is being deliberately targeted and having her personal belongings stolen. Your poor daughter. Make a formal complaint and tell the school they need to deal with the bully and keep them far away from your child Flowers

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 07/07/2017 15:42

yeah Mission, that's what I think too, but that means its been going on for ages and DD hasn't told me Sad

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 07/07/2017 23:40

Well don't focus on that. Now, you are in a different situation with a new outlook on things and in a better position to deal with it Flowers

BeccaAnn · 07/07/2017 23:58

this is bullying, and if an adult was doing it it would be called Gaslighting. report it and get it sorted. yes 'A' might have issues at home but teachers need to enforce the rules. I hope it gets better for your DD

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