To think that an apology with a "but..." on the end is not an apology?

[SpikeGilesSandwich]

Just that really. If you are genuinely sorry, wouldn't you say, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you"?
Not, "I'm sorry but...", and then proceed to list all the things that you were having a go about that made me cry in the first place?
I don't think that counts as an apology. AIBU?

I fucking HATE this!! Seriously- one of the things that pisses me off about DH!!

It depends IMO:

'I'm sorry I upset you, but if you hadn't x then I wouldn't have y' is not much of an apology.

'I'm sorry I upset you, but I genuinely had no idea that x was a sore point for you' is fine.

However, I don't think that the person crying is automatically in the right in every case, so the person 'making someone cry' isn't always the one who needs to apologise IME.

I hope you can resolve the disagreement you've had - it sounds as though the apology might be the tip of the iceberg.

Gah Fucking DH's speciality ' I'm sorry you feel that way ' or ' I'm sorry if that's how you took it'

Just be fucking sorry with a big fat full stop after it!!

Maybe they're not genuinely sorry, maybe they think they're right.

Known as an NHS apology, I think.

Milk - exactly, I, he clearly isn't sorry so why say it. It's just a passive aggressive way to keep hammering his point home.

And I'm too exhausted to point this out to him.

Thanks for the responses, nice to know I'm not the only one putting up with this crap.

please ignore the random I* in the last post

With you OP, drives me insane!

It was xh's only method of apology - because everything was always my fault...

I'm sorry that you're upset.

Not sorry for upsetting you. Just sorry that you're upset.

I hate this. It's not an apology at all. I'd rather them shove it up there arses

I hate this. It's not an apology at all. I'd rather them shove it up there arses

It depends

'Dh i am sorry i had a go, but its the fourth time you have left the food out where the dog can get to it and its really frustrating'

For me it would depend if that was the only way they ever aplogised.

You can be sorry about the outcome without being sorry for what you did

Yeah it's a man thing, DH does it too it pisses me right off.

Yanbu. My dh is also crap at apologising for anything at all ever - so it he steps on my foot I get an "oops" instead of "sorry" 🙄

Love had a letter today that said "sorry but we can't treat you after we told you we could"

Alletrix - I'm sorry, that's shitty.

Just had tea in stony silence. It's pathetic.
If I were on tv I could throw his tea at him and storm out. In reality, I like my plates, I can't be bothered to clean wasted food off the paintwork and I've nowhere to storm to.

I hate this with a passion too. An apology with a "but" at the end is still a way of justifying hurtful or negative actions. With you OP