Am I far too intolerant now?

[Sweatingmytitsoff]

NC'd......and all that jazz

Anyways, hurt by my ex pretty badly, left me needing counselling to come to terms with it and what not.

Decided to start OLD 8 months after the relationship ended.

Went on various sites with absolutely NO expectations, have had a few dates & wanted to see that person again.

However, here is where the relationship has affected me both in a negative and positive way.

I have 0 tolerance, I don't accept bullshit excuses, I won't let anyone talk to me like an idiot, I will cut any guy I get talking to out for minimal things.

Guy 1
Great guy, got on amazingly well. Until! He decided to have a pop at me for suggest we rearrange a date as he conveniently "fell asleep" and would be late, when I said my piece, he replied with "go away and think about what you have said to me, I will not talk to you until you calm down". He was instantly blocked without another word.

Guy 2
Had a couple of dates, really great guy, got on really well. We were texting one day & I said something which he interpreted the complete wrong way, told me not to discuss it again and wasn't sure why I brought it up. I explained it to him in terms he'd understand & cleared the subject up however I felt that by him getting it do very wrong and making an issue rather than asked me what I meant, I messaged to say I didn't think it would work & then blocked him.

Guy 3
Planned to have a date tonight. Again, great guy blah blah blah and all that crap!
Planned to meet at 6, he said he doesn't finish work any later than 4:30 as they aren't allowed. Hey presto, 5pm and "sorry, I'm held up at work, just finishing up so will be late".
I said to make it for 7, then said actually let me know when you are ready. He replies with "il text at 7".
I've now just text to say that I understand things happen but to leave it as it is as I've had to shift my entire day for this guy and have now been sat around waiting for 1 hour already!

Am I being unreasonable and finding any old reason to cut them off because I'm worried about being hurt if we were to go anywhere?

Or would you also sack them off for the same reasons??

You carry on as you are. You are filtering out the total arseholes and saving yourself a shitload of grief further down the line. It's not actually intolerance, it's self respect.

What does 'haven't you finished your paddy' mean? ...just curious

Apart from that, I'd have blocked those guys as well

It means hasnt she finished her tantrum. Some ignorant people use the term "paddy" to refer to a rage or a tantrum.

Sorry, OP, saw your update and now totally get where you are coming from on guy 3. All of these men are contemptuous and patronising "Go away and think about what you said to me," Fuck right off! And yes, women everywhere should be setting the bar much, much higher! guys like this should be condemned to a life of self love so they don't blight a woman's life or reproduce!

Not intolerant at all- you are making good choices. I do wonder where you are meeting all these losers though?

I think in all relationships there is a certain amount of give and take required on both sides. Work can sometimes be a bugger unexpectedly. I had a similar situation today and had to cancel at the last minute, on someone who knows me and accepted it wouldn't have happened unless I was up against it. I was trying really hard to get it done so I could go so was quiet in the run up before I realised no chance.

I think either you're not ready to date or you you're not interested in these guys, maybe both. Whether they are actually great or not, you'll never know as you didn't really give them a chance. One misdemeanour and it is game over.

I think I'd consider if you were still hurting over your ex, and try to remember you need give and take and tolerance on both sides in any relationship. That's not code for take any amount of shit, simply every single successful relationship out there has give and take on both sides and tolerance.

Bluntness, if you wouldn't dump a man who barely knows you for talking to you like Guy 1, you are hopelessly badly placed to give out dating and relationship advice.

I won't lie, I won't ever forgive my ex for what he did to me and how he treated me but I'm definitely over it, I just can't bear to let another man talk to me the way he did.

It sounds cruel but if I allowed him to let me down and just met him another time, how do I know he wouldn't do it again??

Personally I'd rather not give the chance. The date tonight was all convenient for him, I.E day, time and where.....I went out of my way for him. He assured me that they aren't legally allowed to work past half 4 yet at 5 they were still finishing??

Maybe I'm a little too harsh yes but I guess I am just ensuring I don't have the same relationship I had before, I haven't really had healthy relationships before, I want my last one to be just that, my last bad relationship.

I know what I want, I don't want to mess around. I'm happy with five and take, I guess I just expect the first date to be taken a little more seriously

Thanks meanager

I'd probably do the same.

Don't let them run rings around you. There's nothing wrong with you because you aren't prepared to settle for second best!

I also have a DC, there is NO way in hell il allow anyone but amazing be on my life who in turn (in the very distance future) will be in my DC's life.

It's not just about me anymore, they accept me, they accept my child (won't meet for a long time obviously).

You're doing the right thing (although I can imagine it feels a bit depressing and tedious) because they're only going to get worse as time goes on. Best to nip it in the bud and hold out for someone who's right. Good luck!

I think you sound brilliant and if more women were like you there would be tumbleweed blowing round the "relationships" board, or maybe it'd be full of men asking advice on how to up their game and stop being tossers.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Yanbu at all!

You have healthy boundaries around what kind of treatment and behaviour you expect will tolerate.

If everyone had the same healthy boundaries there'd be a lot less relationship problems.

Too many women are so desperate to have a man they seem to put up with almost anything.

You sound like a strong independent woman who has wisely learned from a previous bad experience, well done.

Carry on as you are, take no shit.

Update.

Have cut another guy off.....seemed like a nice enough guy but unfortunately he was showing traits my ex had!

Because I'm quite open, sex was discussed and of course I openly spoke about condoms being used as obviously I don't know him and am not entirely sure if he's sleeping with others.....he took offence to this

That sort of thing doesn't wash with me so I had to cut it short with him!

In a way you need to be thankful to these guys for getting this shit out in the open at the earliest opportunity and saving you the trouble of finding out later.

Again, you were right to cut him out.

I guess I do user.

I'm not impatient in regards to meeting someone as right now I'm quite happy as I am, however a part of me thinks every day I'm get older, I'm worried being too intolerant will have a negative effect on my non existent love life!

As I've had a resounding no in regards to whether I'm being unreasonable, il carry on as I am for the time being.

If these guys are behaving like this at this early stage when most people are making the most effort to make a good impression, they're not going to turn into Prince Charming later on. You are right to be picky and cut them off. I might have given the guy who was held up at work another chance, but not the others (and of course, the situation with held-up-at-work man would also depend on how he handled it - if he was off hand or rude in the way he made his excuses, rather than being apologetic and so on, then I'd probably give him the boot).

Men accusing you of 'having a paddy' and telling you to 'go and think about what you've said' are massive arseholes. Avoid.

You are not being unreasonable and should be applauded for not putting up with their shite. Anyone who genuinely had their shit together/wants to get to know you will behave in the way they usually do. Read a LOT into this. I remember my friend asking how I knew my future DH wouldn't 'stand me up' I laughed and said he just wouldn't because he wouldn't see me again.

There are millions of men out there but you don't need to appeal to the masses, just to fine the right one. Note: ONE!

Ah thanks all!

You've definitely reassured me!

Maybe I was a tad harsh on the guy who got out of work late but I guess it was the fact that he waited until I messaged him to find out what was going on. All I expected was a bit of common courtesy to text before hand without needing prompting.

I guess after effectively being messed around, I just wasn't prepared to give another chance.

I've definitely changed how I am, i used to be quite needy, annoyed if people read my messages and didn't reply straight away.....now, personally I couldn't give two shits! If however they come online several times over several hours and don't reply, then I take that as a sign and cut it off.

I'm extremely patient now and won't act weird and ask what their problem is!

My focus is on my DS & also myself, I'm losing weight so I can feel more confident in myself and like what I see in the mirror, if a guy happens to be a part of my life in future then great!

I may, given the fact I don't have a huge amount of spare time, look for a fwb kind of arrangement so no pressure on either parts!

What I won't do is settle for the sake of having a man in my life, I made that mistake once, I won't do it again.