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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 8 year old for 20-30mins

63 replies

Mustthinkofacoolname · 06/07/2017 14:26

Ds 8 is off school today as he had a dodgy tummy overnight and this morning. He's fine now and hasn't had any "movement" since around 9 this morning.

I have pick up younger ds from school and am Considering leaving older ds at home.
He's currently just lazing around in his pants and doesn't want to come to the school.
I've only ever left him alone for 5-10 minutes before.
Wwyd?

OP posts:
GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 06/07/2017 15:01

I wouldn't, my DD is 8 nearly 9 and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her, but then she's never been left for 5-10 minutes either.

Do you have a house phone so he can call you if needs be?

BeyondThePage · 06/07/2017 15:02

It is a child who is off sick though - I think that makes a difference.

5moreminutes · 06/07/2017 15:03

Yep I must say the only concern would be leaving him for the first time when he is unwell, rather than having practised starting when conditions are ideal and there is no actual need to leave him!

Be very clear that he must not worry if he does have a poo or vomit accident, and you will not be at all cross and he does not have to clean up. Obviously if you think the accident is likely it would be far better to call in a favour and get one of ds2's friends to pick him up if possible.

PsychoPumpkin · 06/07/2017 15:04

I would. If he's not well he'll probably just stay on the sofa & won't want to be dragged on the school run when he's feeling iffy.

emesis · 06/07/2017 15:05

In my neighbourhood and context, yes I do it regularly. It would depend on how I felt about wherever I'm living and knowing the neighbours etc.

I agree that if you're out driving then the risk is more that you'd be in an accident and unable to get to him. Therefore I normally cover bases by letting someone know I'm going out and leaving him alone, and I'll text when I get back safely.

WhatwouldOliviaPopedo · 06/07/2017 15:09

I had this exact conversation with a friend yesterday - is eight too young to leave my DC at home for twenty minutes if I needed to pop out? She made the valid point, which hadn't crossed my mind, that it's not about them being okay to be left on their own, it's about what will happen to them if you have an accident and are unable to let anyone know they're home alone. So I would think twice now until my DC is a bit older.

RatherBeRiding · 06/07/2017 15:09

I would rather than drag a poorly child out just because of "what if", especially if he has a way of contacting you. So long as he knows stuff like, don't answer the door, don't answer the phone, are there any neighbours in he could reach if he had to, does he know how to dial 999.

requestingsunshine · 06/07/2017 15:13

If he is a sensible 8, then I'd say its fine for those 30 minutes.

KatharinaRosalie · 06/07/2017 15:13

Where I live I totally would - if something happened and I was not back in a reasonable time, DC would go to any of the neighbours, they know them well. In case of fire or other emergency, they would know to get out and again run to one of the 2 neighbours who are firemen, or to the fire station right behind our house. I appreciate though that your neighbourhood would be different. So depends.

(as for the something happening - if you were in such a severe accident that you were unable to communicate that there's a child at home, it's likely that the child was also involved in that hypothetical accident. Surely better that they stay safely on the sofa)

WillRikersExtraNipple · 06/07/2017 15:15

I would. Most of the "what ifs" people bring up are so outlandish as to be laughable.
Sure, make sure he knows how to call emergency services but he's hardly going to need them while lying on the couch watching cartoons, is he?

5moreminutes · 06/07/2017 15:17

WhatwouldOliviaPopedo obviously if you and your child have not agreed what they would do if you didn't return home as expected, you are not ready to leave them because you haven't engaged your brain and thought it through! That's nothing to do with the age of the child, it's just to do with lack of preparation and thought.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 06/07/2017 15:17

She made the valid point, which hadn't crossed my mind, that it's not about them being okay to be left on their own, it's about what will happen to them if you have an accident and are unable to let anyone know they're home alone

I don't understand this one at all. If you have an accident that would leave you unable to speak, surely you would rather they were home alone safe and not involved in the same horrible accident that presumably would have injured them too?

user1476869312 · 06/07/2017 15:20

I started doing it with mine when he was around 8. He's now 12+ and still alive.
Our circumstances were: sensible kid, happy to sit and play on the computer while I was gone; neighbours he knew well enough to go and knock on the door of if anything happened; he knew my mobile number and would not answer the door or the phone.

5moreminutes · 06/07/2017 15:21

WillRikersExtraNipple Thu 06-Jul-17 15:17:35

She made the valid point, which hadn't crossed my mind, that it's not about them being okay to be left on their own, it's about what will happen to them if you have an accident and are unable to let anyone know they're home alone

I don't understand this one at all. If you have an accident that would leave you unable to speak, surely you would rather they were home alone safe and not involved in the same horrible accident that presumably would have injured them too?

I've brought this up on similar threads, and agree.

People then claim they actually meant if your car broke down and you had no mobile reception...

Obviously kids need to have a few possible emergency contacts and be able to use a phone and happily walk around to a choice of several neighbours (in case the first isn't in) before they can be left, just in case the parent going out is unreachable for some slightly far fetched but still possible reason.

BorisTrumpsHair · 06/07/2017 15:26

It would depend on the child and I have done this with my then 8yo.
When she was 9 she went to the shops by herself to buy milk Shock

scortja · 06/07/2017 15:28

It's fine.

Put the telly on and let him know you'll be back at xxx time, and if anything goes catastrophically wrong to go and ask a neighbour..

User843022 · 06/07/2017 15:33

I always think if you aren't sure in a situation, think how you'd feel if someone else did it. So for example imagine he's unwell at his childminders or grandparents and they pop out and leave him for half an hr watching TV. If you really wouldn't mind then and think there's nothing to worry about then fine.

VestalVirgin · 06/07/2017 15:36

At that age, I walked home from school completely on my own.

Leaving an 8 year old alone for that duration of time is not the problem.

The problem is more with leaving a sick person alone. And the fact that something could happen to you on the way.

Put the telephone next to his bed.

Are you a lone parent? If not, and if there's another parent to phone in the unlikely case you have a car accident, then I wouldn't see it as problem at all.

TatterdemalionAspie · 06/07/2017 15:37

I left my DD for short periods from around that age (bit younger, maybe). I made sure she was drilled on how to use the phone, who to call, what to do in a range of emergencies, not to use the cooker/toaster, to stay downstairs.

It depends on your child, really. I knew mine would stay glued to the tv/computer game/ipad/her book for as long as I was out. You know your child better than anyone on t'internet.

sticklebrix · 06/07/2017 15:37

Of course. Would have no problem with this at all if he's generally sensible. He needs to know:

How to contact you
How to contact someone else if you're not available
What to do if there's a fire (get out, stay out etc.)
Who to go to locally if he needs help (neighbour, local shopkeeper etc.)
Don't open the door, don't answer the phone unless he recognises the number

If there's anything he's likely to try but you'd prefer he didn't do unsupervised (e.g. chop vegetables, mow lawn whatever) make sure he knows not to do this when you're out.

5moreminutes · 06/07/2017 15:41

MyrtleMaracas grandparents yes, but you'd be paying a childminder to mind, so even if the kid doesn't actually need minding you'd want them to be doing it, otherwise half an hour of your money has been "stolen" so that is really not a situation that gives you any clues as to what to do.

I used to be a childminder and I never put the TV on for my charges - not because I thought it was "wrong" for kids to watch TV, but because I was being paid an hourly rate. The same would go if for some reason I had agreed to somebody paying me to "babysit" a perfectly capable 14 year old due to them being a bit of a paranoid parent - I wouldn't be able to take the money if I then left them alone because actually they didn't need a babysitter and would be perfectly fine if I went home :o

ShatnersBassoon · 06/07/2017 15:48

I think it's fine. I don't know when these things stopped being the norm. When I was 8, I was regularly alone at home, as were lots (maybe even all) of my friends.

halcyondays · 06/07/2017 15:52

Is there anyone who could pick up your younger ds from school? I wouldn't be happy about leaving him on his own in case he felt unwell again.

NotWeavingButDarning · 06/07/2017 15:52

I would and have.

Depends on the child though, obviously. My DS is very sensible and was ready (and eager!) to be left for a few minutes at age 8.

BeyondThePage · 06/07/2017 15:52

When I was 8 (5 even) I was regularly left alone at home too - BUT not when ill.