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To find my DM irritating!

14 replies

Yoshi1701 · 06/07/2017 09:38

First of all, I love my DM very much and we're close! Speak every couple of days and I see her every couple of weeks.

She's recently babysat DD (11mo) a few times for a few hours as my CM is on holiday. I've found that everything I say about DD she disagrees?

For example, I'll say 'don't let her go in that corner, she gets stuck, I've had to pull her out 3 times this am' my DM responds 'she hasn't got stuck for me'
Me: She's not a cuddly baby
DM: she always cuddles me

Literally everything I say it's 'she doesn't do that for me' or 'she always does that'. It's like everything is a parenting competition and it's annoying!

Anyone else's DM like this?

OP posts:

acornsandnuts · 06/07/2017 09:42

Yes. I stopped seeing her with Dds. I would drop them off if she wanted to see them but I turned into a horrible person around her because of her constant one upmanship at how I wasn't good enough.

We had a good relationship before children but 20 years on it has never recovered.


Yoshi1701 · 06/07/2017 09:54

Oh no! That's a shame!

OP posts:

ChildishGambino · 06/07/2017 10:28

My DM constantly says things to wind me up and then is surprised when I get wound up. I continue to try. Recently she's started not hearing me so that I have to ask her the same question three times in a row. Sigh...


ChildishGambino · 06/07/2017 10:29

I also mentioned on another thread (which I started) that she's always comparing my DD to my sister's kids. My DD always comes out looking good but it's really hurting my DSis.


westeringhome · 06/07/2017 10:36

Yes I can see how that would annoy. Not quite the same, but every time I was talking about my eldest children to my DM about their Uni, jobs, etc, her stock response was always to cut me off and say "I already said that" or "I've already told them that". It felt really undermining and just pissed me off no end. I just said one day "well it's not really your place to" and she hasn't said it much since. Have you said anything to her?


RapunzelsRealMom · 06/07/2017 10:36

Like you, I love my DM but, when it comes to my kids, she drives me mad. Won't listen to me, lets them do whatever they want and competes with me constantly.

I try to remind myself that I am their mum and there is no competition but it's hard when she keeps doing it.

I have to suck it up a lot as she helps me with childcare but I can't wait till that's no longer necessary!!

If your DM has only been helping you temporarily and you only see her every couple of weeks, I'd leave it. It'll go back to normal soon


BlahBlahBlahEtc · 06/07/2017 10:40

My mother drives up the bloody wall!


BertAndKhloe · 06/07/2017 11:12

My mum isn't like this but my OH can be like this about DD Sad


Justhadmyhaircut · 06/07/2017 11:14

Been nc with dm due to her judgey gp 'skills' among other things. .
16 years of pure bliss. .


Mouikey · 06/07/2017 11:19

"I also mentioned on another thread (which I started) that she's always comparing my DD to my sister's kids. My DD always comes out looking good but it's really hurting my DSis."

Be very careful with this - my gran did this in our family. We are all totally estranged from each other as the damage she caused was both hurtful and unnecessary. weirdly my gran wanted a close family - never happened.

In fact it wasn't that one grandchild came out better than the others but that at mine my cousins were the most amazing things and at theirs I was... me and my parents were savvy enough to understand what was going on and let it wash over us. My uncle and cousins were not hence the relationships were doomed.

Try and nip it in the bud with her. A difficult conversation now will prevent a lifetime of hurt and upset.


LurkingQuietly · 06/07/2017 11:21

Same!!! I love her, we're close, I see her once a week as they come over for the day but my god...

She will not hear a bad word said about them! If I say "DC2 was a horror last night and is in such a grump today" I'll get "oh, no she's not, she's always lovely". Or "DC1 has not eaten one bite of dinner so won't be getting dessert" I get "oh, I think that's mean. He's too young to understand" he's not. He's 3. He understands perfectly.

She texts before breakfast every day asking how the kids are. Lovely she cares but frustrating for me.

Always, always, always does the oneupmanship as OP details.

Brings them toys/sweets EVERY visit. Yesterday offered to buy DC's a fairly big gift outside of birthdays etc and I just said it would be lovely and very kind - got a 20 minute interrogation about what's up with me, usually I argue about them doing stuff like that. Asked her if she wanted me to argue and was told no. Confused

It's draining. I feel I never get a chance to miss her/my dad. But I do love them.


Scottishchick39 · 06/07/2017 11:22

My MIL is like this, when I pick my kids up and ask if they've been good she always say "they're always good for me". Grrr!
Now my DD is older she tells me exactly what her brother has been up to and he is a little grass so tells me what DD has been doing. They aren't any better behaved for her than they are for me. I just let it go over my head.


CarrotFingers · 06/07/2017 11:48

Yes yes yes and yes. Extremely similar to your examples.

Me (after a long labour with pre-eclampsia and a huge haemmorage): I felt so tired and drained after the birth, I felt wobbly and weak for ages.
Her: oh I felt great after you were born. I was just so happy to have you home.

Me (when changing then-baby DS' nappy): he's got such wriggly legs, he doesn't let me hold them back like that any more while I wipe him.
Her: oh, well, he lets me.

She also ignores me (letting toddler DS walk on a wall when I told her not to lift him up there) and then tries to gain his approval by pretending they're being naughty together and I'm spoiling the fun. When I told her quietly I really didn't want him on the wall because he'd take ages walking along it and we needed to get back to the car as the parking was due to run out, she said 'oh no, DS, I'm in trouble with mummy now!' FUME.

She also HILARIOUSLY always tries to make out I'm being mean or stopping DC's fun. I literally can't do anything without her making a comment, DH notices as well. I was sharing some sliced apple with DS - 'is mummy stealing your apple? Tell her to get her own!' And to baby DD when I checked her nappy: 'Is mummy disturbing you? Poking around in your nappy? Tell her to go away!' When I was tickling DD's face with some of my hair (she LOVES this) my mum leaned over and said 'pull it DD! Pull mummy's hair hard!'

It was bizarre. She adores her grandchildren but the way she speaks to me around them is quite nasty sometimes, but when I've mentioned it she says I'm touchy and laughs it off. She also worships DH and would side with him in any disagreement.


Cyclingforcake · 06/07/2017 11:54

My mother Is completely and utterly maddening. Her favourite brother described as 'a little difficult' the other day. I'm not going to open the flood gates yet but watch out mumsnet when I do!

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