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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Obesity

50 replies

PovertyJetset · 05/07/2017 21:26

There is so much talk around this at the moment and I'm somewhat uncomfortable with a few things.

Fat shaming- not ok, people should consider their shape, size, attire etc a private matter and feel totally free from discrimination and inequality everywhere all the time.

Obesity- a medical fact. Many many negative Heath implications.

So how does one support an individuals choive to live as they wish as a private citizen while at the same time is making a lifestyle choice which negatively impacts their body which has a wider social impact.

Totally cognitive dissonance for me.

Are we as a society saying if some one is obese it's similar to a drug addict or alcoholic?

Thoughts??

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 05/07/2017 22:35

A person's weight is between themself and their GP. Everyone else needs to get their beak out.

PovertyJetset · 05/07/2017 22:37

-neom sorry I think you have misunderstood me- so I see time and agin on MN - eat less move more, it's nice other rocket science and variations on that theme. So I was referring to that. Not that it IS actually easy to maintain a healthy weight or to loose a good deal of weight long term. It is infact very very difficult.

I want trying to highlight that we often have have simplistic responses to very complicated issues.

We wouldn't dream of sayin to an anorexic- oh just go and eat a pie!

OP posts:
PovertyJetset · 05/07/2017 22:39

tired'yes it is!' And again I am drawn back to the idea that fat shaming is acceptable and a @thing simply because it's visible.

OP posts:
Blanketdog · 05/07/2017 22:39

What utter bollocks it's relatively easy to stay trim and healthy. What utter bollocks you speak!

PovertyJetset · 05/07/2017 22:43

blanket. Errr yes I agree with you. See posts above. I was being a little disingenuous to highlight the point that it's not. But as a society we are conditioned to think that it is.

OP posts:
VelvetSpoon · 05/07/2017 22:45

Levels of assistance and intervention are low.

You want to stop smoking? Gps and health professionals are falling over themselves to help. Stop smoking clinics, courses, etc you name it.

You're fat? My GPs advice: well just try and eat healthily. You could see the nurse but that's what she'll tell you.

A few years ago (when I was about 4-5 stone over normal bmi, less than I weigh now) I told a Dr I was concerned about my weight. He looked me up and down and said I had nothing to worry about.

Honestly unless you are 12st or more overweight and a candidate for bariatric surgery, no one is interested.

StaplesCorner · 05/07/2017 22:48

Poverty I don't think we were all entirely clear what you were getting at, but I know that on threads like this, a significant proportion of posters trot out Neome's utter bollocks. It literally makes people feel superior.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 05/07/2017 22:48

But food CAN be an addiction, the same way alcohol, cigarettes and drugs are.
The big difference is we HAVE to eat to survive. You can quit drugs, smoking, drinking alcohol, there is no actual need for those things, but if you don't eat, you will die.
If an alcoholic HAD to have some alcohol every day, or a smoker HAD to have one cigarette a day, or someone had to shoot up smack etc, in order to actually survive, that one drink, one cigarette etc, would set off the cravings, the need for more, and so the cycle goes on. Asking someone who has an actual addiction to food (usually sugar) to have to eat some and not spiral out of control, is unreasonable and impossible. Food addiction is as much of an illness as alcoholism, but there is no way of just not having it. Way way WAY too many people look at every fat person and just think they're lazy and greedy, but there are so many illnesses that can make someone fat. Thyroid issues, diabetes, insulin resistance, PCOS, are just the tip of the ice berg, and plenty of medications for other illnesses cause unwanted weight gain, then theres the actual eating dosirders like compulsive overeating, binge eating, not every eating disorder is about starving yourself and being skinny, it has both extremes. But again, anorexia and bulimia get sympathy, it's an illness etc, but people who compulsively eat or binge eat get looked at and treated with disgust as some big greedy glutton who should control themselves.
Exercise also isn't possible for everyone, due to physical and/or mental health problems and disability.

I have OCD, PCOS and an underactive thyroid. I also have been diagnosed with cumpulsive over eating. I eat when im not hungry, when im so full i fell sick, even foods i don't like, because i feel compelled to eat. I don't want to eat, but its almost like im a puppet and i can't stop myself. Bladder issues mean i cant be stood up for very long to be able to exercise or i get the sudden urge to wee and the OCD means it takes an hour for me to go to the toilet, the options are be in the loo constantly for an hour at a time, wet myself, or have to remain sitting/lying down.

I have a very frustrating, boring, unfulfilling life with many physical and mental health problems. The last thing i need is to be judged and ridiculed by strangers about being "obese". I know i am, but there is very little i cna do with my health situation to change it.

Neome · 05/07/2017 22:49

No idea whether we're agreeing or disagreeing Blanket but to clarify my fuming earlier post I think it is bollocks to say that keeping trim and healthy is easy. I think it can be difficult or impossible. I feel quite angry with the suggestion that anyone who's fat or unhealthy could quite easily not be.

StaplesCorner · 05/07/2017 22:50

In the 1970s, MS wasn't accepted as an illness, the medical profession still looked sideways at people hissing "its all in the mind". My best friend was a sufferer, and even I just thought she was odd/pissed a lot (well, we were). Now looking back we can all see that we were wrong and clearly MS is an actual illness. I think at some point in the future, maybe the near future, the grim facts around unavoidable obesity will become clear.

Neome · 05/07/2017 22:51

Apologies Staples I was clearly so cross I said the exact opposite of what I intended

kateyjane · 05/07/2017 22:52

Making a lifestyle choice - how totally fucking insulting! Yes, I'd totally choose to be overweight?? (Educated to doctorate level, 4 gorgeous- not fat children)

Clearly, I love being fat

PovertyJetset · 05/07/2017 22:53

almost thank you for posting.

I don't really have an handle on what I am trying to say.

But I am very angry at how we grapple with how people look. It should be a private matter. I think that's it for me. It's a private matter.

OP posts:
PovertyJetset · 05/07/2017 23:00

katY

I wouldn't personally judge you for anything other than be impressed with your intellect or feel admiration for your professional accomplishments.

We should be angry that anyone would judge you on your appearance.

Ones body and lifestyle as long as the lifestyle isn't criminal or hurting any other should be free from judgement.

I heard a woman on women's hour who had a problem with the word "obese" as she felt it was too narrow a word and too loaded. I agree. Should I- totally ordinary non medical person- feel permitted to throw around the word obese or overweight?

Can we remove these tags like we have for racist or disabalist terms?

Someone might say- oh you're looking lovely and slim! And it's taken as a compliment. But the opposite would be an insult.

OP posts:
Blanketdog · 05/07/2017 23:01

Neome we agree!
Interestingly the whole abstinence thing has been tested recently - the all or nothing approach to alcohol control, an alternative approach has been used where a small amount of wine has helped alcoholics stay on tract. There's remarkably little understanding of addiction and very little in the way of treatment options beyond the 12 steps - more proper non religious scientific research needs to be done into managing addiction without abstinence - it would help enormously with over eating.

ethelfleda · 05/07/2017 23:04

Does anyone else think that the amount that is expected of people each day is a major contributing factor?
I've never been overweight myself but I can see how it could happen....
Both of us work - I struggle to fit in regular exercise as well as cooking healthy homecooked dinners and making healthy lunches for both of us... I just about manage It most of the time but often I don't get much time left to myself. And that's with only sorting out two of us and a very short commute home!
When I have those days when I hadn't had chance to food shop and need to sort something quick but healthy I'll pop in to a supermarket and pick up a few bits for dinner that night. I will quite often spend £7 - £8 on one night's dinner and I still have a small amount of prep to do
I could get two microwave meals or frozen pizzas for less than that for two people. With less faff! It is far too easy to eat what is bad for you and not exercise and far too difficult to lead a health lifestyle when you have to work for a living IMO. Not impossible but difficult!
Add to that some people's genetic predisposition to carry weight and it's easy to see why we have an obesity crisis.

Sanoffyhighstepson · 05/07/2017 23:22

It's very easy to not be obese. So the fact we have obese people suggests something more causes it. I feel sympathy for anyone in that state. Society is weight obsessed, both ways. I swing the other way. I refuse to gain weight because despite my other achievements in life, in my head it's my weight that matters Sad

Bacere · 05/07/2017 23:23

See this is why I hate going out. Vicious circles whichever way you try. Keep thinking to look up how to become annorexic/stop eating without fainting after all everyone says you can find anything on the internet but I know how bad that would be for me too and I can't take my meds without food, well I could but the damage they would do I can't. Wont go into it here but life long meds are my vicious circle them and constantly being unable to do regular exercise.

tigerdriverII · 05/07/2017 23:35

Jill. Great post. Obesity is hugely (pardon the pun) misunderstood.

I have realised through recent therapy that I comfort eat, because I was told as a child to be quiet when upset and eat the chunk of bread and butter that was being forced on me. No wonder I overeat now bloody 50 years later.

Obesity is easy to spot and the cure of eat less and exercise more is facile. Bloody hell, it's more complicated than that.

VelvetSpoon · 05/07/2017 23:52

I'm sorry but it's not easy not to be obese. The compulsion to (over)eat is like a drug addict getting a fix. I have eaten until I thought I would burst. And 10 mins later I would eat again. I have cried and wept about being fat, whilst eating. Food has been the one constant in my life. When I was broke, working 12 hours a day, in a violent abusive relationship, when my life was hell, food was my comfort. It made me feel better at least for a little while.

For people like me food is a comfort, a reward, a crutch. I have little idea when I'm full; my DS knows, he has never been overweight. But I don't. I can try to eat less, to limit my food. But all the time there's a voice inside my head telling me I need food, I deserve it. I should eat, because one little thing doesn't matter.

Don't ever think controlling that is easy.

thedcbrokemybank · 05/07/2017 23:53

Obesity is easy to spot and the cure of eat less and exercise more is facile
But ultimately that is what it comes down to. Take away all other issues and this is the bare bones of it. You can address all the other complexities but unless you do this then you still will never tackle obesity.
I am not saying this because I believe it is easy or those issues are not real but you also can't expect to deal with issues over food and suddenly find that you will become slim. Generally it is hard work and it does take effort regardless of whether you have issues surrounding food.
We do also have go take a level of self responsibility whether that be for actual diet or for dealing with food problems. Just like an alcoholic has to take responsibility for drinking if they want to go into recovery (or a bulimic of 14 years as was my case).

nina2b · 05/07/2017 23:55

BiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

StaplesCorner · 06/07/2017 00:23

But ultimately that is what it comes down to - no it doesn't. eat less move more can help, it has a big part to play, but research is showing us now that once genetically programmed to gain weight, some people never stand a chance to be "normal" and even if they do lose weight, they will put it all back on. Now they are saying actually for many people this is NOT a mental health issue, this is a clinical problem.

(PS Neome no need to apologise we were all at cross purposes initially!)

StaplesCorner · 06/07/2017 00:25

Speaking of alcohol, I remember in Over Eaters Anonymous they always used to say being addicted to drink and drugs is rock and roll, and, initially at least, you can't see it. Whereas be fat and you carry your illness round with you like a banner so everyone can see what a fucking slob you are.

thedcbrokemybank · 06/07/2017 00:41

programmed to gain weight, some people never stand a chance to be "normal" and even if they do lose weight, they will put it all back on
But it still holds true - what is normal for one person is not normal for others. And whilst it is harsh some people simply can't eat as much as others without gaining weight.

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