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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like a fool over this party?

20 replies

selinameyerswig · 05/07/2017 20:30

A few weeks ago I received an evite for DH and me for a going away party for this Friday in honour of the parents of a girl in DD10's year at school, who are moving away. The mum in particular is lovely and very popular among the mums in the year. I was a little surprised to receive the invite - it wasn't sent to all the parents in the year - because as I said I like the mum, but I wouldn't have considered us close friends, certainly not as close as I know a lot of the other invitees, and the host, are.

To be honest, I suspected the invitation wasn't meant for DH and me at all but rather for another couple who have names very similar to ours - the dad's name (first and last) is exactly the same as DH's, and the mum's is one letter off mine, although the other mum and I don't have similar e-mail addresses. (It has happened in the past that I received an e-mail invitation that the sender quickly realised was meant for the other mum and rescinded! I wasn't upset at the time as the sender was a friend and she was very apologetic and embarrassed.) The other couple weren't themselves on the list of original invitees, so I don't think both couples were intended to be invited. I don't know how close the guest-of-honour and this mum are.

Anyway, I just couldn't think of any way I could ask the host if I was really the intended recipient without sounding ungracious - is there a way? I thought of asking other friends who were invited but again, I didn't really know how - everyone is just so polite I wasn't sure I trusted them to tell me the truth even if it was a mistake. I also never had the opportunity to ask any of them as we never saw each other before I had to decide whether or not to accept, and it wasn't something I wanted to ask by e-mail or text. On impulse I decided I was just being silly and accepted the invitation.

Last week the host e-mailed everyone invited to solicit catering contributions, and I looked for the other mum's name to see if a mistake had been discovered and she was added later. She wasn't so I felt relieved and started looking forward to it. But I found out today that in fact she is going to the party. I don't know any details but it has to be the case that she was invited later than everyone else, so it must have been to correct a mistake the host originally made in leaving her off.

Now I really feel an idiot, and wondering whether I should just come up with some excuse not to go. I'll never get anyone to confirm what happened, everyone will be super-polite and friendly (these people are not monsters) but I will wonder with every single interaction whether people know that DH and I weren't really intended to be there.

Feels like high school all over again. Sad

Needless to say I've NC'd.

OP posts:
Hassled · 05/07/2017 20:35

Oh just go along and have fun. The mum is lovely, you don't know for sure that the invite is a mistake - and if you being there was a hideous mistake and she really doesn't want you there she'd have found some way to rescind the invite - she hasn't, so she's clearly quite happy about you going along. So go and be charming and mix with all these nice polite-sounding people and make new friends - it'll be fine.

Allthebestnamesareused · 05/07/2017 20:36

Or it may be that when she was listing the guests she wanted you both and having put you on when she skimmed through didn't realise she hadn't put you both. It will be a big crowd with lots of people you do know so just go and have fund .

Justhadmyhaircut · 05/07/2017 20:38

Unless your dh is likely to drink too much and do the moon walk to impress, I would go and have a good time!!

Madwoman5 · 05/07/2017 20:38

Fgs, just go. Who cares if it was by accident or design, grab a pack of sausage rolls and enjoy!

WipsGlitter · 05/07/2017 20:41

Or maybe the host had already mentioned it to her so didn't include her on the invite email but did want to include her on the "bring supplies" emails?

SpiritedLondon · 05/07/2017 20:43

Oh God sorry but I don't think I'd be able to go if I thought I'd been invited by mistake. I think I'd probably grab hold of the mum ( not literally obviously) and say something along the lines of " thank you so much for the invite that's very kind of you. I wonder if you intended it to go to X and Y because I know you're good friends with them and our names are so similar. " and hopefully she'll be terribly British and say " No, no, there's no mistake" while smiling brightly and you'll reply " Oh lovely, we're looking forward to it" And everyone will pretend a mistake was never made. 😀

selinameyerswig · 05/07/2017 20:45

Wips, she hadn't included the "other" mum on the "bring supplies" e-mail - I only found out she was going because I was talking about what I was going to bring with another guest and she mentioned something the "other" mum was going to bring.

Thanks all for the encouragement. I guess I am throwing a bit of a pity party and that's not going to make me feel any better.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 05/07/2017 20:45

The woman has the grace not to uninvite you - go and have fun - who care how you got there - sometimes fate lends a hand

lovehoney69 · 05/07/2017 20:46

Just go and enjoy yourself, other couple are now invited too so it's all good.
A few years ago I was having a text conversation with a lady I met through baby yoga, nothing special just "hi, how are you"
She mistakenly sent a text to me instead of another friend (who I also knew vaguely) discussing a meal out. I sort of guessed it wasn't intended for me but cheekily accepted the invite. We had a lovely time and years later the people at the meal are some of my closest friends.

cafetea · 05/07/2017 20:47

You are all contributing to the party so you are not taking anyones hospitality as such. I understand your unease but as you know many of te people there and you get on with the mum it will be a nice time. You could make a joke of the names with the other couple if the question comes up

MrsMoastyToasty · 05/07/2017 20:51

They're moving away anyway, so if it was a mistake then you're not likely to see them again. So go.

iamyourequal · 05/07/2017 20:55

Go and enjoy yourselves! Be great company and the host will be so pleased you came, whatever the circumstances were surrounding the invitation.

TatianaLarina · 05/07/2017 21:02

Way overthinking it. Just go and have fun.

KC225 · 05/07/2017 21:14

I agree with above poster, you are way over thinking this. Go. Have fun at the party

hmcAsWas · 05/07/2017 21:22

If host is lovely as you say, then she will not have gossiped with her friends about accidentally inviting selinameyerswig when in fact she meant to include selinameyerswag....so there will be no awkwardness with other guests knowing that you weren't intended to be there .....(if indeed this is what has happened)

selinameyerswig · 05/07/2017 21:23

I probably am overthinking it, but lately I am feeling a little isolated socially, for reasons too long and boring to deal with here. In short I feel a little vulnerable and the last thing I want is for people to pity me.

I think I will follow the advice to try to forget my discomfort and go and do my damnedest to be cheerful and give myself and the guests of honour a good time. Thanks again for the encouragement.

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 05/07/2017 21:23

Not convinced that helped! Blush

selinameyerswig · 05/07/2017 21:25

It did hmc, thanks!

OP posts:
Coloursthatweremyjoy · 05/07/2017 21:32

You are massively, massively over thinking this! I know because this is the kind of thing my brain pulls on me all the time.

Go and have fun...if you were invited by mistake it's not you who should be embarrassed anyway! Convince your brain that you were in fact first on the list and this nice lady thinks you are lovely and really wants you to go...maybe the other couple got forgotten and needed to be hastily added on to the end of the list so they wouldn't be all offended.

Make your brain spin it another way...and if you look like you belong people will think you do...so no pity.

hmcAsWas · 05/07/2017 21:39

Ah good. Anyway - am glad that you have decided to go Smile

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