AIBU to go a little pyscho

[xcxcsophiexcxc]

I feel pregnant last year and I am now a single mum of a beautiful 4 month baby boy.
The dad/sperm donor I had been seeing on and off for three years and the first conversation about my pregnancy he stated that there was no way him and his mother were supporting me to keep the baby, so that was that.
I have been accused of every cliche under the sun wether it be for money, for marriage , it's not even his etc etc, being screamed down on the phone to his mum trying to force me to get an abortion . I stayed away during my pregnancy apart from when I knocked on their home at 8 months pregnant asking if he was going to be on my sons birth certificate, his mum answered and basically told me I was selfish for not having an abortion.
My son is nearly 5 months old now and I have requested child maintence , he denied being his dad but after a lot of pushing and shoving he finally took the DNA test and surprise surprise it was his. He has still not paid any maintenance to date and last night I went over there to sort it out as he has ignored all payments ordered so far.
I was met by his brother who was nice enough, his dad all but ran away from the door so avoid seeing his own grandson. But basically pied me off saying that my sons Dad and his mum were not home and wouldn't be that day ( complete bollocks)
I'm actually try to the least vindictive I can be as I know a deduction of earnings will cost 20% more and I don't want to purposely disadvantage anyone.
But I'm feeling really bitchy now, I cannot understand how people can turn their own back on their grandchild or child. If the shoe was on the other foot my parents would never let me run away from this responsibility.
AIBU to do one of these things?

1. Or a congratulations message in the dads parish council newsletter, saying congratulations on the birth of his first son. The town is very small and everyone knows each other so there would be a lot of embarrassment and talk here
2. Send a bunch of congratulations it's a boy balloon bunch to his work (also my work but I had kept the father discreet the passed year but when I return from mat leave I won't be any longer ) also embarrassing as his colleagues don't know that he's knocked someone up.

I've tried being the bigger person but I cannot any longer, they will eventually hurt my son when he realises his paternal side wanted nothing to do with him. And to add insult to injury he has a cousin five days younger than him that his brothers that they adore. Do I sound pyscho for doing the suggested?

You made your bed and now you have to lie in it. You chose to have a baby with somebody who clearly didn't want a relationship with you and made it quite clear that he wouldn't support you.

You made your bed and now you have to lie in it. You chose to have a baby with somebody who clearly didn't want a relationship with you and made it quite clear that he wouldn't support you.

Wow, you are such a nice person.
He is just as responsible for creating a new life as she is. She went with him to bed, he provided the sperm. Even if he doesn't want to take responsibility for the new life, he needs to provide financially. It takes two to tango.

Pursue him through the formal channels for maintenance and forget shaming him or trying to force him into a relationship with you or the child. You chose to have the baby, he didn't and he made it very clear he didn't want one.

I understand your sense of injustice and hurt, for you and your DC. But please do not do those things.
The chances are people who don't know you very well will laugh at you behind your back. They will not be morally outraged as you expect, just entertained by the drama. I'm sorry that probably fewer people than you imagine care about your wounded feelings, they won't give them a second thought.
Instead 1. carve out a life for yourself and DC which does not feature this bellend. Do not go to his house, do not rely on him for a single thing. Do not contact him as far as possible. If essential use minimal words and stick to facts. Don't give him the satisfaction of being able to say 'no + ' and hurt you all over again. He is shit on your shoe and his family sound the same. You are well rid, grandson or not. 2. Surround yourself with those who really do care about you.

1. Find a cardboard box, draw/stick a picture of his smug mug on it, find a spot where you are completely alone and not overlooked and beat the crap out of it with a baseball bat, rolling pin or similar.
2. Rest easy knowing you have your dignity, your self-respect and your independence.

You can't shame him into be a good enough man to be a true Daddy to your son. All you can do is lose the moral high ground when your child is old enough to realise how truely low the man who provided half his DNA is.

Keep your head high, your son needs one person to show him what sort of man he should be when he grows up.

Go via CMS. No more direct contact. He doesnt want to be a parent. Fine. He doesn't get out of his financial responsibility. (And good that he's not on the birth certificate, will make your life easier in the long run, he still has to pay. Please make sure your DS only has your surname as well.)

Sounds like he's burying his head in the sand.

Stop going to his house. Leave everyone to it.

Just Follow through with CSM.

Also, will you be going back to the same place of work?

Just be the bigger person, walk away and pursue him for child maintenance ASAP through the official channels -- it's not backdated so you need to apply right away rather than leaving it longer.

Certainly don't do either of those things. Without the benefit of background and involvement, others will simply think you seem obsessed with him and vindictive to boot.

Have a little think for a second about how damaging it is when a disinterested father starts getting involved.

If your sensible you will run far away from that

Definitely pursue for maintenance via cms/legal means only

NEVER go round there and speak to them. Do not email or phone. If they want to see the baby let them pursue you.

Of course tell anyone you want that you have had a baby with him but 'unfortunately for your son/daughter he doesn't want to be involved'. Be dignified

Four years down the line of trying to chase a deadbeat to be a dad and my advice - stop. Just stop chasing him. It won't make him want to be involved any more than he does now. Same applies to his family.

Trust me, I know it is tragic and your heart breaks for the tiny person you've created and adore that will grow without their father. I know, i feel that every day, even now. How could they possibly not want this perfect person? I know. But your child will grow up and know who loves them. I promise you, you can do this. You do not need him, nor does your baby.

By going for the attachment of earnings work will soon see that he has fathered a child anyway!

Remain calm and dignified. Pursue him through the legal channels.

I understand you must be hurt, angry, disappointed. What comes across is that you adore you son and want so much for his father to be involved and to witness this beautiful baby. But, that is not how the user it, for now.

SORRY posted too soon.
That is not how the united see it right now.
Take a step back use the proper channels for maintenance, he knows where you are.
Do not shit on your own doorstep.
You will look like completely crazy and only live up to a negative sterotype of a brief/ex.
Be better than him and his family. You don't need him.