Holiday dog woes - WWYD

[JulietInJeans]

Currently on holiday at my parents v v remote summer cottage with my parents and my two oldest, DD and DS. My sister is coming to visit with her DH and two of her kids today, and as it is a three hour journey each way for them she asked if they could stay the night. As space is at a premium they asked if they could take my room for the night, with me bunking with the kids. No problems, I like my sister and I get to see her and her family very rarely, as they live so far away. I'll bunk with the kids. They're also bringing their dog. No problems, I love dogs. We've got a dog ourselves. However, I asked that they didn't have the dog in my bed, as over the last few years I've developed quite an allergy. Our own dog isn't even allowed upstairs, let alone into our bedroom and bed.

This, however, is where I was told by my mum I am completely unreasonable. How could I expect a dog to sleep on its own for a night when it had always been allowed to sleep in the bed in the past? If it bothered me that much I would just have to bunk in with the kids for the remainder of the holidays (which would be uncomfortable - sharing a small bed with a five year old and a seven year old). While my allergy symptoms isn't life threatening by any means they are enough to make me very uncomfortable indeed - all over itch, burning runny eyes, scratchy throat, blocked nose. Like a massive head cold. I feel trapped in the middle of nowhere, we're a 16 hours drive from home and here's only one car anyway, so I can't even leave in a huff.

AIBU to think dear old mother is putting the comfort of my sister's dog over mine? How can I resolve this without starting WW3 (easily done in my family)?

Would changing the bed sheets, and the dog sleeping on a blanket make a difference? I don't think you are being unreasonable but maybe a compromise would work?

Also don't put a dog that I assume isn't crate trained in a crate in a strange environment that's terrible advice!!

I have 3 dogs, love them all to bits, wouldn't dream of letting any of them on our beds. The dander from your sister's dog is going to make you feel really unwell, so she HAS to make alternative arrangements for it.

If your mum is so concerned about the dog, ask her if it can sleep in her room.

Perhaps your Mother should give up her bloody room to the dog and then sleep in a doggy bed afterwards - allergic or not she will realise how filthy animals are. And I am a dog owner too

Your family are being rude about this. Tell your sister to bring her own bedding and to clean the bedroom after.
I wouldn't let my dog sleep on the bed but if it's used to it then it might keep you all awake at night if it's in a different room.

Speaking as someone who's dog sleeps on our bed every night and has done for 8 years, YANBU!

Allergies are horrible, my DH is allergic to cats and if someone had a cat in our room in the circumstances you describe, his holiday would be ruined.

You are right when you say your family are putting the dogs feelings above yours, and they are also prioritising the dog above your health!

Id be very hurt and unimpressed.

It's a dog for christ sake. I've got a dog and he is the love of my life, I would give him one of my kidneys if it came to it but there is absolutely no reason for him to sleep on our bed. He isn't even allowed in the bedroom and accepts that's just one of the rules. Your sister is being unreasonable. What does she do when she goes to visit other people? Does she just expect that everyone should accommodate her dog and suffer the consequences of her choice to treat it like a baby? It's none of your mother's business either. Personally, I'd be telling them just to forget the visit as I have a very low tolerance for people expecting me to bend to their every whim.

YANBU. I have two dogs, no allergies and mine are not allowed upstairs at all, let alone on the beds. They are perfectly comfortable on their own sofa in the boot room, I don't need two bony, hairy lurcher hot water bottles hogging all the covers and farting!
Agree to changing the bedding completely if the dog MUST () be on the bed and having a good hoover round the next morning.

Oh Christ I'm surprised no one has said this yet but I'd be telling her I've changed my mind and she's not having my room now, given she won't keep the dog off MY bed which will cause me to be unwell. They can make other arrangements.

Fair enough , the sister should change the bedding and clean the room ,makes much more sense , OP can supervise from the doorway to ensure it's done properly . Love all these people saying , well I'm a dog owner and my dogs not allowed upstairs and it's perfectly fine , indeed it's perfectly fine for your dog as that's how he / she has been bought up , this dog sleeps on the bed and that works for this family . Nobody is actually being unreasonable ( unless dsis refuses to clean ) except the mother who thinks OP is making a fuss about nothing .

Is the one car yours? I'd quite cheerfully pack up and head home if I was going to be uncomfortable for the rest of the holiday. It would be no fun and what's the point of a holiday if it's not enjoyable. It's not stropping. It's an adult deciding that something no longer works for them and changing that something

Well probably the dog will whine all night. Tell her to bring all her own bedding and a hoover if the one in the cottage isn't great. She changes the bed. Your bedding is removed from the room before the dog goes in and stays in your kids room. She vacuums and cleans the room thoroughly when she leaves. When she takes bedding off bed it gets bundled on the bed (so not shaken or lifted) into a big plastic bag and sealed. She also damp dusts the room. It would be a good idea to bring decent anti histamines for you. If she is prepared to do all that then it is fine. However if you are that sensitive to her dog surely it being in the house will be a problem.

She obviously can't leave dog behind and it is very short notice to find a dog sitter. Putting a dog into a crate if they are not used to it, or shit out of a room and away from people he sleeps with will not lead to a restful night for anyone. Also, if it used to the bed, it will just hop up even if told to sleep on floor.

And all the people saying she is stupid to let him sleep on her bed - so what? It is her decision. Yours is to keep your dog downstairs. Hers is to have it in the bed. Doesn't mean she is wrong and you are right. But she does need to accommodate your health.

Also make sure dog is well groomed at home before they leave to reduce shed hairs and dander.

Wow, what sort of fucked up family dynamic do tou have OP where you rank lower than the dog? Is your dsis ok with this? If so, I'd simply go home.

This sums it up.

Or, perhaps you can revisit her request to use your room after all. She did ask, you said OK, set out your condition (no dog) that she's unwilling to comply with, so tell her you're staying in your room.

How did it go OP?

Just seen this!
How did it go @JulietInJeans?

Change the bedding and take an antihistamine?

Your family are nuts. Of course the dog should not be in the bedroom if you have allergies.

I say this as a dog owner whose dog has issues and he sleeps in our bed every single night. When I'm away he falls apart. He can sleep elsewhere in the house if I am there. He is normally ok with that and I only get stinky eye with him doing things like knocking the baby over from him for a few hours the next day.

Your sister should strongly consider speaking to her vet about a behaviouralist who can help manage this.