to think that DD's dp is cruel for not sending her anything for her first Mother's Day?

[BettyBarclay1511]

Their first baby is just three weeks old. I rang him a week before Mother's Day and asked him what he was doing - he replied "nothing". I said surely he would be doing something on my dd's first Mother's Day? He was adamant he was going to do nothing. I said that it was "normal" that dad's would send things on behalf of their children when the children are too little to do something themselves. I was astonished that he would be so cruel. His own mother died some years ago and I thought that he would have been a little more understanding. I knew that she would be heartbroken so I send her a bouquet of flowers via a courier - posted 2 cards (I couldn't decide which one was the nicest as I liked them both) and sent a box of chocs from her little baby boy. Her best friend even sent her a card from the baby and he's a man. So am I being unreasonable in thinking that my DD dp is cruel? After this episode I have lost every bit of respect I had for him.

Hi Skyler

Eleusis (firmerly Uwila)

I don't think this is about the the cost of it. It is about saying "Happy mother's day. Let ME change the nappies today"

Hi Eleusis

Was wondering what had happened to you. Hope all is well.

vimfuego - Mothering Sunday is a Christian festival. I do not think Clinton cards have much to do with arranging that one. Just exploiting it.

It is always the fourth sunday in Lent in the UK.

I too think it's sad that her DP didn't feel moved to thank her for being the mother of his first child and moved enough to show it. I can understand how you have got upset, Betty.

Trouble is, if you do the things he's supposed to do, he sounds like the type who will think 'oh well, I don't need to bother then'.

I sent my sis a tiny present for Mother's Day this year; it's her first and I felt moved to mark the occasion. I won't make it an annual thing. I don't think her DP bothered, but then he's cut from the same cloth as your son-in-law from the sound of it.

I started a thread like this the day before mothers day as my DH doesn't do anything for me and I think this is unreasonable.

As far as I'm concerned there are 2 days a year that I expect a card and that's my birthday and mother's day. It makes me feel very unappreciated.

For DH's first father's day I bought him an engraved gentlemans fob watch as a momento of becoming a father!
Rant over

oh for god's sake.

beating her up is cruel, not doing a fake card from a baby on mothers day is just a difference of opinion. lighten up. and stop trying to control every aspect of her life.

I couldn't give a toss about mother's day and I've got 4 children

now I'll read the rest of the thread and see if anyone agrees with me!

I don't think you were being unreasonable - a little over the top with your gifts maybe!

Some people just don't celebrate all the festivals in the same way, I know my DH never really got into Christmas until we got together and saw just how my family celebrated it - he now loves Christmas (pretty much the same with birthdays too!) It didn;t make him a cruel person - his priorities were just different.

However saying all that, my DH knew that MD was important to me so he and DD1 (3yrs) made a card for me (with a squiggle from DD2 - 6m!) and DD1 bought me breakfast in bed and it was wonderful.

I don't think that MD needs to be comercialised, its just the thought and the appreciation from you DH/DP when the kids are too young or the children that makes it special.

What did your DD think by the way?

I bought my dh a silver rolo for valentines day once and he just looked at it and said 'thanks, what do i want a silver rolo for?'
He did buy me one of those huge cards for my birthday once. it was bigger than me and he was very pleased with himself. ifelt really embarrassed opening it in front of my smirking family.

i don't thinnk it's very nice of him, but i wouldn't call it CRUEL. sounds like you two have some history for you to get so upset over it.

i got nothing from dh for mother's day. last year i basically told him he should get something - surprise, surprise i did! he does not come from a present or card giving family so he is not used to all this malarky. this year, i just told him i was going to get my mum stuff and showed him what i'd bought. he did not get the hint. i was upset! i feel like it's the one 'official' day that appreciation is felt and shown.

but tbh i would be annoyed if my mum had a go at dh about it. it is between them.

He's not cruel. That is overstating it rather wildly. My sister's dp has 'issues' around Mother's Day, but I know she would feel a bit flat if there was nothing at all for her on her first mother's day. I sent her an e-card, so that she got something, but so that it wasn't in-your-face, as I'm afraid I think your contribution was.

ummm....'them' being your dd and her dp.

also, last year as it was my 1st mother's day, my mum bought me a little mug 'because you are such a good mum to your ds' and it actually meant more from her than it would from dh.

you are being unreasonable. your dd lives with her dp now, not with you. you are her mother but she is no longer a child and it is not your responsibility to ensure that certain things happen on certain days.

And I'm not even sure I agree with your gesture of sending a card/flowers tbh.

How would anyone on here feel if their mil sent cards to your dh's/dp's on fathersday? I can see the thread titles already!

You are being unreasonable.

"After this episode I have lost every bit of respect I had for him."

What because he didn't get a card? Seems a bit extreme. Your dd isn't his mother. My dh doesn't even get his own mother a card (although he probably would if I didn't). I wouldn't expect him to get me one.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Having just gone through 9 months of pregnancy and recently given birth, a small token to celebrate your DD's new role as mother would have been kind and considerate.

Odd that he flat our refused to make such a gesture, but each person is different.

I don't think you should lose all respect for him - he may turn out to be a great husband and father in many other respects.

If it had been my DH and he hadn't got me something i would have been a little hurt. But then my DH is inredibly thoughtful and tends to make small but important gestures towards me that i really appreciate.

Your DD may love the fact that her DH doesn't buy into mother's day or do the small things. He may be brilliant and the big things - each relationship is different and you have to respect their marriage and roles towards one another.

A bit OTT in your gifts IMO but then again, this is a big day for you too as Grandma so can understand you getting over-excited.

My DD is 15 weeks and I didn't get a card from DP, but he knows me well enough to know it wouldn't bother me.
He didn't even get me a bouquet/card when DD was born again I wasn't bothered. neither of us bothered with valentines.
He concluded early on in our relationship that romantic gestures were lost on me apart from slap up meals
Agree you probably got his back up.

My DH is lovely, thoughtful, caring etc but after getting his mothers card and present and my own it took a massive hint before the penny dropped that this year it was my first mothers day and just a little memento would be nice. In the end after a horrid week with DS in which we were both exhausted he finally remembered - in a not very subtle manner- at about 4pm on Saturday and rushed off to town. It was lovely to get a card and a gift but I was peeved after sorting out his own mothers present he forgot about me!!!!!. Of course I managed to sort out Fathers Day when DS was only about 5 weeks old without hints!!!! My mum sent me a small gift and to be honest that meant much more even though I didn't expect it. I know its over commercialised but all the same its nice to celebrate being a mum especially the first time.

I'm a little mystified by this thread. My eldest is 3 - and I've never had anything for mothers day and never felt the least deprived.