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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu with exs family

38 replies

Confused95 · 04/07/2017 19:10

Hi just wondering aibu. I have 2 dc with ex ds 3 and dd 2 they havnt seen ex or his family since december and have now asked i start letting them take my children once a week. Id should add that it is ex fil seeking contact not ex. I have offered supervised contact to start so my children can rebuild a relationship while not feeling overwhelmed by exs family. Ex fil isnt agreeing with this and said i should just let him take dc to his house. The supervised contact would be a contact centre. I just feel it has been so long that my dc might not remember who he is. The reason dc no longer see ex family is because ex entered a new relationship and his new dp dose not want to deal with my dc and his family were to busy on days that suited to see dc

OP posts:

notanevilstepmother · 05/07/2017 18:13

So you have offered to meet him at soft play, and offered a contact centre and he has refused both, he hasn't seen them since December, and he is the grandfather not the father.

I don't think he has a leg to stand on, and you have been more than reasonable with your offers in balancing his wishes with your children's wellbeing.

Personally I wouldn't ignore him, I'd send a letter recorded delivery and keep a copy.

Dear FIL

I got your text, and I'm sorry you feel it necessary to go to court to see (name and name). I'm really not sure why, as I did offer on (date) to meet you at (name of soft play centre) so we could have a cup of tea and you could play with the kids. When you didn't want to do this I offered for you to meet them at (name of contact centre) which is a place where children can play and spend time with relatives after their parents spilt. I would like to make it very clear that this offer to see them at the contact centre still stands, as I think it is important for them to see their Grandad. Please let me know when would be convenient for you so I can make the arrangements,

Best wishes

Confused

Keep a copy of the letter and proof of delivery, there is no court in the land that would pay him any attention when it's crystal clear you offered and he turned you down.

JeffVadersMum · 05/07/2017 18:16

Do you really want someone like this in your dcs life? I know theyre blood, but really threatening you is not right

Whatsername17 · 05/07/2017 18:26

Your fil will be the one who is sorry - he will get nowhere. He has no rights to your children. You are acting in their best interests. Are you sure your ex hasn't got a hand in this? Does your ex want to see his kids?

RandomMess · 05/07/2017 22:17

He has certainly shown his true colours! Yeah everything you can do to prevent contact.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 05/07/2017 22:30

You aren't going to get supervised contact with grandparents at a contact centre. They are underfunded and overloaded and you wouldn't get on their list.

milliemolliemou · 05/07/2017 22:42

OP I would go with what Notanevil suggested. Make sure you keep all texts.

Grandparents have no rights so threats of court will do him no good.

I would be very concerned to let your children meet someone who is already being abusive to you by text, even if you were there. I would also be highly suspicious.

If he agrees to meet you and DC in a park I would hope you would take someone big and burly along with.

Nanny0gg · 05/07/2017 23:07

I would like to make it very clear that this offer to see them at the contact centre still stands, as I think it is important for them to see their Grandad

I'd take that out. It isn't important when grandparents behave like this one. I'm not really sure what they'd bring to your DC's lives.

Notevilstepmother · 06/07/2017 23:25

I left that bit in so he can't tell the court she is stopping him see the children.

Mumzypopz · 07/07/2017 19:07

I may be speaking a bit out of turn, but there is something about him wanting to take your children into his house that doesn't feel right. And do you really want your children with someone like that. The fact that you have mentioned a contact centre speaks buckets to me that there is much more to this. Please stick to your guns and say no.

Sushi123 · 07/07/2017 19:14

I had same thoughts as mumzypopz...would fil be alone with them or are there other family members around? His resistance to you being there for the first few meetings is strange. Why is he so unfriendly towards you?

alcibiades · 07/07/2017 19:48

I'd worry that your fil would try to find out where you live. Although children as young as yours are not likely to be able to recite their current address, they might give up enough clues to the general area.

Anyway, whatever your fil's motives, he does not sound like someone who has the children's best interests at heart.

Notonthestairs · 07/07/2017 19:53

You've made a very reasonable offer given the circumstances. I very much doubt that a court
would disagree.
Don't be bullied by him. Let him go to a solicitor and start racking up some costs - I doubt he will see it through as far as court at all.

BenguinsMummy · 07/07/2017 19:57

Iv just had a text today if i dont let him see dc under his terms hes going to take me to court and in his words il be very sorry then

Grandparents have no rights to contact, you are doing the right thing and in your DC's best interests, keep offering the contact centre, formally, could your solicitor send a letter outlining your position for you? That way it makes it official and the courts will have that document (and whatever FIL send via text, email etc to use as a reference in decision making) the court will undoubtedly link FIL's threat (yes, it is a threat) to that of his son and his behaviour that led to your current position and will be best placed to either tell him to fuck off accept contact in a contact centre or that they won't make any sort of contact order...

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