To find SILs smugness false and unbearable

[bloodorangesareyummy]

I have 2 SILs who both have dc 10ish years younger than ours (they both met their DHs when they were in their late 30s). Younger SIL is great - very realistic and not show offy about dcs behaviour, we are mutually happy about good things that happen in each others lives and we just have a good healthy relationship and look forward to seeing each other. Other older SIL is incredibly smug about everything and always pointing out how well behaved and laid back her dc are (though EVERY TIME we see them they are moany and unkind to other SILs small dc but this is always justified by older SIL with some excuse). She frequently likes to point out that they eat everything and makes many references to this and lots of posts on Facebook of them eating some unusual food. My youngest dd is a fussy eater and she relishes this at get togethers which makes it uncomfortable. When we do something or buy something she has a better one and says so in a very patronising way. It is not just me who is irritated by her. DH and other SIL and her DH find her even worse than us. I'd love to not be wound up by her. She has such an air of superiority about her I'd love to put her down a peg or two and would have nothing to do with her if we weren't related. How would you deal with her?

The most fun way to deal with someone like this is to do the opposite.

It is hilarious to tot up 'bad mum points', so, your child refuses to eat something you say 'Oh DD being a fussy eater again, that's 1 bad mum point to me', Nice SIL toddler hit someone 'Oh dear, my child being a brat again, 1 bad mum point to me'. It makes you and nice SIL much more relaxed and shines a light on the competitive SIL without actually mentioning it. She might even join in!

""and her DH find her even worse than us"".

Are they still together? Is she suffering from an unhappy marriage?

I think OP means nice SIL and nice SIL's husband.

i feel like you are very interested in the minutiae of this person's existence. Suggest you find bigger things to think about and focus on.

there may well be childhood issues between the two sisters (parental preference, playing them off against each other etc etc) which factors in this woman's behaviour and you just dont know anything about it because you didnt grow up with them.

She sounds very sad and insecure and if I were you I would try to reassure her - that usually reduces boasting.

Birdsgottaf1y

DH and other SIL and her DH find her even worse than us

I know what you mean with people like that. I don't find them very easy to deal with at all. I try to be patient for a long time usually and then get frustrated and say something a bit too pointed and then they take umbrage and claim it's all me who is in the wrong. It's a real tricky one.

I have to say I agree with Kimmy.

If it bothers you that much then challenge it, but otherwise can''t you just, for the sake of an easy life, ignore it?

Putting posts of your children eating artichokes on FB is absolutely par for the course for many people and I don't think it automatically makes them insecure- it's just social media, isn't it? - the rose tinted lens of what certain people choose to share of their life. You shouldn't take it so seriously! (plus, everyone knows that two minutes after the pic is taken, the child is spitting it out and shouting for chips).

Seriously, I'd try to unclench about this person and her family, and let her live in her version of reality- does it really matter? And as others have said, if she IS insecure then crowing about her behind her back is pretty rotten behaviour- far worse than her supposed behaviour imo.