Nursery trying to change ds nap time

[helenfagain]

Looking for some perspective here. Ds has moved into the next room at nursery today and he has napped 10.30/11 till 12 ish for months and settles in 5 minutes very reliably. When I took him in today they seemed concerned that his nap isn't in the afternoon like the other children. I'm not really sure why this is a big problem? We have tried an afternoon nap previously (at nursery request) and it really doesn't work for him. He was grumpy in the mornings due to lack of sleep as he wouldn't go down at night. When I went to collect him I was told that he wouldn't go down in the morning (very unlike him but could be down to excitement at the chance of scenery) so they put him down in the afternoon. Consequently he wouldn't settle at all tonight and has not long gone to sleep (usually 7.00pm on the dot and takes less than 5 mins to fall asleep). I feel a bit like we are being coerced into changing his routine into one that suits them rather than him. Aibu?

To an extent you have to fit in with nursery routines - they have multiple children, staff breaks, their own schedule to manage.

How old is your ds? Usually under 18 months or so they can work to the child's routine (within reason) but by the time they are toddlers they have to adapt.

Do they have a separate sleep room? As maybe he is finding it hard to settle in the morning when the other children are playing. Nursery maybe suggesting he would go down better when all the others are sleeping after lunch

I can sort of see it from the nurserys point of view - he would miss out on planned activities in the morning and then after lunch, whilst the other children are napping or resting, he has to play on his own quietly.

Ds is 2. Suspect he is autistic and doesn't react well to routine changes generally. Should have put that in the original post. We chose the nursery because they pride themselves in seeing things from the child's point of view. I just feel a bit railroaded and it's very unsettling for ds. I may have to look at putting him to a childminder but I really think the nursery environment is good for him and his communication and social skills are poor.

Former nursery nurse here. My advice.. work with them. If your DS has moved to the next stage room then I'm assuming he is no longer classed as 'baby'. It isn't always possible for staff members to deal with conflicting routines. Say the ratio is 1 adult to 3 kids (dependent of age), so imagine having 3 young children of different routines and trying to put them to sleep at different times in a busy environment. Most of the time they will not want to sleep due to the noise around them or fear of missing out. Or they may not be able to fall asleep in that busy environment. Working with them would be for the best interest of everyone, and can ensure all children are being cared and provided for. If DS struggles to sleep of an evening due to a late afternoon late, then you are able to request for them to wake DS up after a certain amount of time (i.e. After an hour). I hope it works out. I know it's a hard and stressful time for all involved, but you will get there working together and communicating.

Your DS will have to fit in with the CM's routine just as he has to do in nursery. If you want to have 100% control over DS's nap, you need a nanny.

A childminder will also be caring for multiple children and he will need to adapt to the routine there too.

If he is 2 there may well not be anywhere for him to sleep at 10am, and noone available to supervise him after lunch when all the rest are sleeping.

I have previously requested (when he was in the other room) that if he sleeps in the afternoon to wake after an hour, they let him sleep for 2 today which probably made the issue worse. They do have a separate sleep room and the room on he is in now is much quieter than the baby room. I think I will see how things go for the rest of the week and reassess then.

I've no advice but I think yanbu.

My son is 2 and needs at least 7 hours from wake up time to bedtime. An afternoon nap would be disastrous for us.

My two year old is the same, as were my other children - they didn't nap after lunch until about 2.5.

I used to have a childminder who only had two or three mindees during the day and would put them down for a naps in separate rooms in line with their own routine. So it is possible to find childminders who can be flexible like this. However the nursery I am currently using puts all the children over 18 months down for a nap at the same time after lunch which I think is normal in a nursery setting.

To be fair they should be following whatever routine you know works for him. If they're asking to change it then they should be able to explain why.

If it's just because it doesn't fit in well with that 'group' or 'stage' then they're doing it for their own convenience.

And I completely disagree that he need to 'fit in'. They have beds in different rooms and they should be catering for each individual child's needs. If they can't do that they shouldn't be selling the idea imo.

Most children do fit into a 'nursery routine' that is different from their home routine: napping at different times and in different places to fit in with everyone else. Children do start to change naps at different stages anyway.

He is very young to be in nursery if you don't need him to be be i.e. have other options. The social benefits of nursery that outlay the disadvantages are only felt after age 3. Perhaps a childminder, in a home setting, as you suggest would suit him better.

*that outweigh the disadvantages

Could you try slowly bringing his nap backwards? DD starts nursery in a few weeks and they have an afternoon nap. She currently goes down at half 11 (sometimes 12) as I am moving it slowly to be line. The later the nap though, the shorter it should be. Emphasise that afternoon naps musn't be longer than 1 hour.

Our nursery have nap time from 12-2 for everyone once they're out of the baby room, so from about a year onwards. They have a very structured day, a large proportion of which is spent outdoors so having one child sleeping at a different time would cause issues with ratios etc. I say go with it and reevaluate after a couple of weeks. If it's not working you might need to be looking for alternatives.

Child minders are in very high demand in my area so would probably struggle to get one for every day that we need it. I'm hoping he settles down. He was up at 3.45 am and took an hour to get back to sleep. I'm exhausted.

They have limited his nap to an hour and are still saying he won't sleep in the morning. Last night it took till 9 till he would go down and he was up at 4.30. Am hoping for better tonight!

Nursery have been fab. They realise the impact the change in routine is causing and are trying to help. They are having quiet play time in the room during his normal sleep time and he slept at his usual time on Friday. He was shattered Friday though as had been since 4, he fell asleep briefly in the car on the way to nursery which he hasn't done in almost a year. He was dropping off again as I carried him it but was awoken as soon as there was mention of bagels for breakfast!

most 2yrs i know if they sleep, sleep after lunch 12.30/1- 2 ish

giving them 5hrs or so before going to bed

if waking/up about 7am an average 2yr wont need to nap 3hrs later at 10.30 ish, tho if he is autistic as you think then may need more quiet/wind down time

saying that if body is used to that time and nursery needs to shift sleep for activites/ratios etc, then a gradual swap say by 30mins a day will be more kind to your son

He wakes at 6, so probably a bit earlier than most children. We really have tried moving it but he usually gets terribly grumpy if he doesn't go down before 11.30, usually nearer 10.30. He would have gone and picked up his sleeping bag in the other room and given it to one of the girls when he wanted a nap. I think they've been trying to put him down about 11.30 by which time is probably over tired. They said he was falling asleep at the table but when they tried to put him down he wasn't having any of it. He does have an unusual routine but it does work well for him.