To be really really struggling and just want to walk totally away?

[AragornsManlyStubble]

Just that really. Everything is hard. Like walking through treacle. There is not one safe area in my life.

Sounds overwhelming. Would it help to take one thing at a time perhaps?

I've tried but everything is so closely tied together that I can't unravel it.

Might it help to share what's going on so posters can suggest where might be a good place to start?

It always seems worse before a big change.

That's how I felt when I had pnd, I desperately wanted to walk away from my life. Could there be something like that going on?
So you have one person the that you could talk to about how you are feeling? Anyone that will listen and not judge?

Body heat will eventually make the treacle less sticky and therefore easier to walk through.

Point is, it won't be this tricky forever.

Can you reach out to someone for one to one support? Samaritans might be a great starting place? They just listen to you and are kind and non judgmental.

Be kind to yourself xx

I've just moved house. But I'm between houses and hardly have anything I need here. Plus the other house to sort.
I'm failing all my children in different ways.
I can't relate to my partner or feel any connection at the moment.
Hardly any money.
My 6 week old won't stop crying.
I'm very depressed but unable to take medication

Aargons life has been a little like that with me too. My mum has been diagnosed with cancer, my daughter with epilepsy, SIL having an incredibly difficult time plus all her children too, son with vomiting bug, son with nits, sister and brother having a big argument which has hugely distressed my mum, visitors here for two weeks, husband mega stressed, lots of end of term stuff to do.... you get the picture. My tipping point on Friday was a home dye job gone wrong (ridiculous I know). I didn't sleep on Friday night and spent all of Saturday feeling like I'd lost my mind. Sunday things felt a little better. Nothing had changed on Sunday but I think I just hit rock bottom on Saturday. Things literally couldn't get any worse. What I'm trying to say is that I empathise and that I hope things feel a little better for you. X

They say two most stressful things are having a baby and a house move, you have them both at once. there are some anti-ds you can take if feeding baby, sertraline is one.

And the move was a massive mistake and I'm in masses of debt because of it.

claire I'm sorry life is hard for you atm.

I can't take meds as they either don't work or I react. My doctor recommended I use other methods. I was diagnosed with depression at 14, so been back and forth with it in various forms for nearly 15 years. Normally I cope, right now I can't

You really should see your doctor. You don't need to struggle with this on your own.

I think the key points are at the end of your list - you had a baby 6 weeks ago (I remember how hard it was in the early days of very little sleep - really affects your emotions) and you are depressed but unable to take your medication. I think over time when these two things get better the other stuff will fall into place too.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're absolutely not failing your children. I have worked with women who are failing their children and my gut tells me you're not like them. Is there food in the house for them? Do they all have adequate clothing? Do you do your best to make sure they are safe? Do you ensure their medical needs are dealt with? Do they attend school if they're the right age? Sure, there are areas that could be improved on - we could all say that - but I'm sure you're doing the best you can.

Thanks Aragorns.

I think it's ok not to cope. Life is really hard sometimes. You know what though? Nothing stays the same for long though - good or bad! Life will pick up again. Happy days will return. Xxxxxx

I'am trying so hard. Yet more barriers are jumping up.

The baby sleeps at night. So not sleep deprived. He eats well and is healthy. I just can't cope when he screams atm. It really affects me.
There's food, some of their clothes, they're safe, there's ongoing medical issues with one that are weighing me down and we moved closer to the school ( as it happens the wrong one).

But, I'm an awful mother. I resent them at the moment, I find no enjoyment in them. Sometimes I struggle to like them. I find them hard work. I love them so so much I'm just so stressed all the time that I never get to spend any fun time with them.

You're not an awful mother. Awful mothers don't beat themselves up over everything they do wrong (and every parent ever in the history of parenting has done things wrong at some point!)

Please make an emergency appointment with your GP first thing tomorrow. It's not a magic solution but they can refer you for crisis support and look if there's any meds you can take that you haven't tried.

If you can't wait til morning then talk to someone. Your partner, a friend, the Samaritans, even on MN. But someone in real life can keep you safer than we can.

My children are 6 and 8 now. I look back on the baby and toddler years and wonder how the hell I got through them. Parenthood is much more enjoyable at this age than it was when they were tiny. Hang in there. X

I'm sure that you moved to give them a better life. Please don't judge everything in one basket. You've made a choice and now wait and see how that works. Then make another that you believe is best. There's really nothing else you can do.

I'm sure you're trying your best

I often feel like this I have a 6 yo and 4 yo and we have a lot of debt so I have work 7 days a week, 19 month ago I had surgery to remove cancerous tumour from ovary and uterus, I took a 1 yr leave of abscence from my second/ weekend job and that just created more debt so instead of consintrating on recovery I find myself struggling with stress of bills and debt collectors, I have to verbally remind mysf daily that I love my dc and that it will all be ok but mostly I don't believe it. I'm about to start working 7 days again and I'm resenting everyone cause the truth is I will again be missing every part of my dcs life and that makes me feel like I'm a shit mum too. It's a vicious cycle you need to find something that you enjoy that us cheep or free and give yourself away from the situation time so you can feel better in yourself you are not a crap mum, I am not a crap mum we are just humans who are dealing with shit ATM xx hugs to you xx

And This Too Shall Pass!

hang on in there!

I apologise if it's naff to quote poetry, but....

And This Too Shall Pass

It is said with a gaze as steady as sky
wispy and wavy but never a lie
It is said with a smile small or unseen
careful and quiet for all that has been

when trouble crashes over you
when hardship cracks the ground
when pain pierces past your skin
when walls are your surround

stop
take a breath and remember

this too shall pass

when joy makes you giddy
when brightest blinds your gaze
when pride holds you up above
when easiness lets you laze

stop
take a breath and remember

this too shall pass

treasure every moment
learn from every pain
gather in your memories
they are what you truly gain
live every second
love with all your heart
never give in or give up
embrace every new start

everything is precious
all of life is glorious
because

this too shall pass

It's getting worse.

I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time. My advice, based on your last post, would be to speak to your GP or a health visitor today, right now. I understand the medication obstacle is a big one but it sounds like in the immediate you just need some kind of support.

Apologies if that's naive, I'm no expert but please do ask for help immediately if you feel this way. It can get better x

I have an appointment at 11. I feel such a failure. My partner isn't taking it well so relationship is very strained. I have no one else.

Hello

These feelings you have will not last forever - it might not feel like this right now because you are overwhelmed. So much has happened in a short period of time so rather than being able to cope with one thing at a time everything has come together.

My advice - deal with one thing at a time.

1. GP appointment

(Maybe write a few things down and take this with you. I know my mind goes completely blank as soon as I enter the GP's room) take your time. If you don't feel your addressed everything in one visit? Make another longer appointment.

1. Speak with your health visitor

The rest will fall into place once you get yourself on an even keel...