To hate being on holiday?? (5 month old baby)

[lelapaletute]

My DP, DD and I are on the only holiday we'll get this year (DP just got new job so we'll be busy moving etc). My little girl is 5 months and I feel like I'm torturing her - everything about going on holiday is shit for a baby!

She's freaked out and upset by the strange flat, hates her travel pram (borrowed a from a friend and it's forward facing only, her big old travel system she always faces me), she's sleeping badly, feeding poorly as she's always very fussy and only reliably feeds lying down - can't do this out and about! - there's randomly a heatwave where we are so she's too hot, don't have her bedside crib, her baby gym, her Jumperoo, her routine is shot to hell... I just don't know why in fuck we thought this would be fun and I am counting the minutes until we get home.

Lots of my NCT friends' have been in hols with their babies of similar age and say they loved it - what are we doing wrong? I am so sad and worried for her and so stressed!

My partner thinks I worry too much about her crying and that she's too needy and I need to encourage her to amuse herself more. But I just can't see how she could possibly enjoy being taken out of everything she knows just to truck around a strange city/go to the beach/park etc. She's too small to appreciate it, and too needy and unsettled for us to get anything out of it either.

Please help me! How do you enjoy a holiday with a little baby? How can I stop her being so nervous and needy? I feel like I'm letting her down by forcing her into this situation and letting my partner down because I'm so stressed it's ruining the holiday for him. 😭

Firstly, don't compare her to your friends' babies - some babies travel better than others. DS was always a rubbish sleeper away from home so I feel your pain!

It sounds like you are taking too much of the responsibility for everyone enjoying the holiday. If DP thinks you're stressing out over nothing, maybe he needs to take on more of the care for her? And it's ridiculous to call a 5m baby needy! Of course she needs you!!

Maybe try sticking to short trips and going back to wherever you're staying to feed her, rather than when you're out and about?

To some extent you have to just accept that a holiday with a baby won't be as relaxing as one without!

Sorry no help here. We've permanently given up on immediate family holidays until the DC are much older.... Holidays with the grandparents on the other hand are brilliant as you have multiple other adults to help with the kids! IMHO To enjoy it you need to invite more people to help, and not go to hot and exotic destinations where the kids are uncomfortable.

YANBU. I hate holidays with babies too. For some reason it sends my anxiety through the fucking roof and this affected DCs.

Don't worry about her, she'll be fine. There will be no damage whatsoever. Babies don't care where they are. Is she teething?

I'd just stock up on wine and grit your teeth. Try and enjoy it as best you can.

Thanks Pickerel - I do have a tendency to take on responsibility for others' feelings too much - I don't want to be a martyr, I try to control it but it's so hard esp with baby as her happiness really IS my responsibility!

He does do his best, but he and I disagree over some fundamental things (e.g. if we're going somewhere in the pram and she's screaming, I need to stop and comfort her whereas he would just keep going til we get where we're headed then comfort her - so if I leave more to him I'll be even more worried about baby!

I can't help but compare sometimes - my girl seems so much sadder and more demanding than the other babies I know, has done from birth. I worry I'm doing everything wrong - this is just a very extreme situation!

Yep, definitely won't be doing this again in a hurry!

Try to relax. I love holidays with babies! We're just back from Spain with 6mo DS, we chilled out, forgot the routine, he slept well, went out and about with us at night, it was almost as relaxing as one without children! Don't stress about routine, don't worry about her so much - change of scenery and new experiences are good and fine for babies! She's not pining every second away for her jumperoo!

Thank you Ohhhhshit and Anticyclone! It genuinely feels like an endurance test, for all of us!! Can't fucking WAIT to get home (and if course am now DREADING the move...)

Amanduh but she's miserable! She's crying all the time... Unless I am literally 24/7 in her face playing peepoh or something she is crying. She's very demanding at home too but I have my routine and my props and we handle it - here it's just off the scale. Your holiday sounds so lovely!

The crying baby thing... my first was not an easy baby, my second cried nearly all the time. He is almost joyful (we'll skip the crappy sleep) now at 15 months. But it does get better, I promise.

Totally normal to feel this way! We had an exhausting first holiday when our baby was 4 months old. Took ten times as long to get anything done, cottage was damp and I had 20 mins by the pool on my own in the whole week! My advice If it's really hot try to give the baby water as well as normal feeds, strip them down to very few clothes and most of all try not to do to much. Hope you manage to relax a little but it is very normal to feel like this!

Sorry to hear you're not having a good holiday. I think it's really a case of all babies being different. We went with our baby and it was fine but then he is super adaptable and just loves being outside. He doesn't even have any of the equipment you have at home at home because he prefers to be out in the carrier looking around. So you are not doing anything wrong but you should certainly try taking it in turns to entertain the baby so you can get a break that way! Although that is difficult if your partner thinks a 5 month old is needy and should be ignored...

Thanks all for the reassurance. Im glad I'm not just being a total wimp. I'm ditching the travel pram tomo and just using the sling - feel bad about it as it was my idea to bring it and now we've lugged it here for nothing, but she prefers the sling and sleeps in it so fuck it.

She's certainly catching up on food at bedtime... I've been stuck here for nearly 90 mins!!!

I am like you in that I always needed to comfort my babies immediately, felt responsible for their happiness, etc. I did love our holiday when my first was 5mo but she slept very well in the heat so that makes a big difference.

Are you near a beach? Could you set yourselves up under a parasol, feed her to sleep lying down then have your partner watch her while you go for a swim? A little bit of time to yourself may help you relax, if you are like me then you really won't have had much of that in the past 5 months.

And Jrnijena, thank you - I so hope you're right. When she smiles or laughs my whole heart scrunches up with joy - I know that's very naff but it's true! I just wish it happened easier and oftener sigh but it's good to know a sad little baby doesn't necessarily become sad in later life! Xx

Thatverynight we're hitting the beach tomorrow.. 40 mins away on the metro ( I think we really should have thought more carefully about location... ) Praying once we get there it will be an easier day, and will follow your advice! X

My dd1 was exactly the same as your little girl. A holiday with her at 5months would have been a nightmare. We went when she was almost 2 and it was wonderful. Dd1 hated being anywhere for more than 5 minutes. She was grumpy, fed poorly (so poorly we were instructed to wean at 17 weeks), she was a terrible sleeper and hated not having her routine. She's now almost 6, the happiest, most confident child you could meet and so freaking clever. I struggled through the baby stage, felt like a crap mum, thought I was doing it all wrong. Honestly, she's been the easiest toddler and now kid. What I'm trying to say is just ride it out. Try not to get worked up and don't try to please your dh. If you need fewer outings and more quiet time then do it. Don't worry about her being demanding. You've got a world of joy to come as she grows up. My mum tried telling me this during one of my many melt downs and I didn't believe her at the time. We are off on holiday in two weeks with dd2 who will be 6 months. She is a different child altogether and will happily play independently a d sit in her pushchair watching the world. I'm quite terrified of her becoming a toddler tbh!

And yeah, I have not been away from her for more than 30 mins since the day she was born - it's been intense, most of the time I don't feel it because we're in our groove but out of my element it just seems way too intense!

We took everything with us! Play mat, bouncy chairs etc
Didn't go abroad till age 2
Always get somewhere with nannies so you get a break
Mine ate great travellers now but babies are labour intensive wherever you are. When ours were small it was a change if scene, not a rest!

I think you're overthinking quite a bit, at five months she can't remember her jumperoo and all that stuff. She's probably just too hot and cranky. Some babies are just much harder work than others, it's shit but it doesn't last for ever.

Ok took DS on first holiday at 10, weeks then 12 weeks, then 6 months and not stopped really.

Firstly calm down, you can't take everything but you can improvise. Baby gym large towel/sheet on floor spread toys around, blow bubbles, nice music, fun for a bit.

Re pram, one pushes the other can sort of walk parallel to baby so baby sees someone's face.

Take things at her pace.

Take time for yourself. Do so,ething that you'd like to do for a couple of hours and let dh bond.

The reason why my holiday also worked well was having my husband around every day therefore splitting the babycare (minus feeding as ebf) - to me that was a great benefit compared to being at home every day by myself. Is your partner not helping out? Or is your baby so much more difficult away from home that the extra pair of hands makes no difference?

Some babies are harder work than others. Some you can take anywhere and they are not phased by it, others are more demanding. It's nothing you're doing wrong.

I would do the same if my baby was upset in the pram, I would stop and comfort rather than carrying on.

I think you just learn what works as you go, so the sling sounds like a good plan. Does she feed well in the sling? Might be good if it's hot. (You don't need to give water if you are breastfeeding btw, your milk will adjust with the heat).

Part of the reason why I enjoy holidays is that my DH is around where he would normally be in work so it's like doing half the 'work' I normally would. Your DH should really be entertaining your DD, taking her out in the sling, etc, then you would feel like you're getting a bit of a break. But I know what you mean about being more worried if he would leave her unsettled rather than comfort her. Could he entertain her in the flat while you at least get a nice bath, etc.

Couldn't agree more OP, only now my eldest is nearly 6 am I seriously looking forward to a holiday abroad. You'll be home soon!

Just be wary of overheating in the sling if it's very warm where you are

YANBU. I'm currently on day 3 of holiday with my 3 month old DS and felt like you the first couple of days. Today has been a bit better, but I'm still going to be very glad to get home!! It's really made me appreciate how good our set up at home is, it makes it so easy to care for him. I'm lucky as DS is a very easy going baby, but I've just felt really preoccupied with him being comfortable, not too hot etc. Probably wouldn't take a young baby on holiday in July again!

If it is dead hot, you can have baby in just a nappy in the sling and pop a damp muslin down the front between you and the baby.