To ask how to reply to this message?

[Trixiebelle16]

Had a text off my cousin which presumably has been copied to others saying that because her hours have been reduced at work, she will only be getting Christmas and birthday presents for her own children this year and not anyone else's. The text then went on to describe all her problems in great detail.

It was a bit of a bizarre text, I wasn't even thinking of Christmas yet. Does that mean she still wants us to buy for her kids? I was out of work for a few years and still got little gifts for family children but if I couldn't have afforded to I wouldn't have made some blanket announcement - I would feel a bit rude to assume that others are expecting presents from me and that my situation is any tougher than anyone else's.

Perhaps I'm being unreasonable and this is what people do now but not sure I'm meant to respond?!

So sad - we really all need to step back from the Christmas madness which has taken over the country for the last few years. It is stupidly excessive, too early and just a horrible grabby time of the year.

Yeah sounds like she might be in a bad place if she is already worried about xmas and emotionally venting.

It doesn't make sense to me for family/friends to be financially struggling just so others can have extra toys or whatever. I couldn't enjoy a gift knowing a person had worried to death over how they were going to afford it AND pay their bills.

After we had kids we all decided to only buy for the little ones instead of each other as it got a bit ridiculous. That was easy for my mil and sip as they never got me anything anyway but that's for another thread.

Your cousin is very wise. Fair play to her. She's getting the text in early as it's less awkward than doing it in the run up to Xmas.

I think she has done the right thing by saying now as I know some people who will buy bits and pieces throughout the year and especially at the end of summer sales etc. So she is being sensible in prewarning people.

Maybe her writing all the details after was a way of her getting it off her chest in one go so people don't just answer with unhelpful things like - well let's just do a fiver limit etc.

Poor woman, she sounds like she is very stressed. Although mentioning Christmas may seem a bit premature, she also made a point to mention birthdays which I presume happen at any point in the year so her text didn't seem weird to me in that respect. She was signalling her intentions out of necessity going forward that's all.

I think she's being very sensible. She's being organised in advance so you know you don't have to get her DCs gifts.

I'd reply nicely and say something like "very sensible to prioritise your spending, happy just to keep it to cards for now"

Id text her back saying that's fine by me, we're feeling the pinch a bit too. Let's drop presents between families and make things easier. Take care and hopefully see you soon.

Surely you can just reply and say something along the lines of "I'm so glad you said that, money is tight for us too so I'm happy not to buy presents for each other's kids this year"?

WIth very old grandparents, they start thinking about Christmas, and where they will spend it, in July. Then talk about it until December, while you make plans around their needs, then fall ill on Dec 23 so they can't do any of it. And I get asked to do all the shopping for them, and the catering, and and.... Christmas for the last few years has been stressful but ... it remains an important milestone, and one that I will respect.

I would assume no family gifts needed but if you wanted to get the kids something small and can afford to I would but when you hand them over just say there is no expectation of returns as you know things aren't so great. If my rellies sent this out I would reply "no problem" but may also add"I will get the kids a token but I am not worried about getting anything back - this is just for them from me personally"

Its hard because people feel if you buy they have to and she is trying to control it as it stresses her.

I'd respond with 'You my dear are a genius. I totally agree stopping presents and having a few Credit Crunch Christmasses. x'

"I'm sorry things are so tough for you. Don't worry about stopping Xmas and birthday gifts. It was probably time that we both trimmed our gift lists a bit anyway. The important thing about family celebrations is the time we spend together, not the gifts."

Let's her know that you aren't fussed about her not buying for yours as well as letting her know you won't be buying for hers.

I agree it's s great opportunity to start a family secret Santa or similar.