AIBU to think I have vaginismus? Or to want a normal sex life?

[CloserIAmToFine]

I'm an overall healthy 40-year-old woman, with no history of sexual or other trauma. I suffer from occasional bouts of anxiety and depression but I'm OK now and currently not taking any medication. I have a genuinely wonderful, incredibly patient DH and I absolutely fancy him. But for some reason when we attempt to have sex it hurts SO F'ING BAD. It's like a knife is ripping me open. This has happened on and off for years, and I have no idea why it starts and why it stops. It was always bad after childbirth and while BFing, but my youngest DC is almost 5 and it's been 3+ years since I BFed. I can insert a tampon or my finger, or have a vaginal exam, but when it comes to sex I just can't do it.

My periods are regular and no sign of peri-menopause, plus this has been happening for years. I have virtually NO natural moisture in my vagina, even when I am turned on. I can't imagine TTC right now because I absolutely don't get the clear stretchy discharge that signals ovulation. We use tons of lube but it doesn't make a difference. I've tried Replens as well as a topical oestrogen cream (on prescription), and nothing has helped. The pain feels worst right at the entrance to my vagina, almost on the outside.

Is this vaginismus? Would dilators help? I feel like it isn't vaginismus because I can put things in, just not my husband :(. Plus I really have no psychological issues/hang-ups/bad past experiences when it comes to sex.

I'm at a total loss. Any thoughts/ clues/suggestions? I just want a normal sex life!

I had this - it was low oestrogen- had a few months of hrt pessaries and all was well

I've tried that :(. Maybe I should try again? I don't know.

I used pessaries for a good few months prescribed by the gp not a topical cream

Go to a family planning clinic. They will be able to diagnose what the problem is and if it is vaginismus they will be best placed to help.

Have you been to the doctor ?

Oh poor you :(

Have you been examined? Is it possible that you were stitched up badly after childbirth?

Can you insert a vibrator?

It does sound like it. Get yourself to your GO

I had the same. It was like wring of fire at the entrance of my vagina and the sense that it was impossible to fit a penis through the opening. My gynaecologist kept suggesting it was psychological but it was due to low oestrogen. In my case it was caused by breastfeeding and being in the pill, neither of which apply to you but I think it would be worth seeing a good gynaecologist to see if she can help. Pessaries and lubricants were pointless for me.

'Ring' not 'wring' sorry.