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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect more from fellow mums

47 replies

MissKST · 03/07/2017 15:46

So today me and my DD3 were In a shop, well mothercare, and she has hypermobility syndrome, she cannot walk far distances and gets tired very easily as her condition affects her joints, so she still uses a pushchair for shopping,nursery runs etc. Today I was going round a corner in a shop and didn't see a pram that was at the end of the other rail, so I pulled my DD back and said to the other lady with her DS 'oh sorry it's okay you go first' she walked off saying that she 'f***g hates people who lets toddlers be lazy and pushed around' I was absolutely morfied. I said to the 'woman' she actually has a condition that makes her need help now and again but well done on being so judgemental I walked off feeling really unhappy, DD's dad however is now saying I overreacted and embarrassed him WIBU?

OP posts:

rinabean · 03/07/2017 16:36

Why does he have a problem? If that had been the first sentence, I would have thought maybe you called her something horrible and/or threw yourself at her. You were pretty polite. Does he think you should have thanked her or something?

Vintagegoth · 03/07/2017 16:36

My 4 yo has been diagnosed with hypermobility and gets tired very easily. Well done for standing up to the rude woman. Before I had DD2 I was one of those ignorant people who looked down on huge children in prams, but I was never stupid enough to say anything. Now I know better.

Sunshinegirls · 03/07/2017 16:42

Well done for getting her told! She behaved like an arsehole. My disabled daughter was crammed into a baby buggy until we could afford to buy her a disability buggy, she's 6. I used to get lots of disapproving looks, still do get a few even though it's clearly a mobility buggy she's in now. No one has ever said anything though. Poor you.

Sirzy · 03/07/2017 16:47

Sadly I would say "get used to it"

Ds is 7 and uses a SN "buggy" (it's somewhere between a buggy and wheelchair really) and have had people comment he is too old to use a buggy, had people have a go for me using P and C spaces etc.

The best was the Mum who expected me to move from the wheelchair space on a train for her pram.

Some people are just ignorant sadly.

FeralBeryl · 03/07/2017 16:47

Well done OP!
You need to remind her dad that he is meant to be her advocate at all costs, that may well mean uncomfortable situations but tough shit.
Hopefully the woman may probably not sadly think about opening her ignorant gob next time.

SongforSal · 03/07/2017 16:48

Good for you!! A few years back my then 9yr old Ds was in a toyshop purchasing a £50 toy. An older lady behind was getting anxious whilst Ds was counting his money out and decided to loudly berate the situation also remarking how 'spoilt' some children are.

Actually. He had been saving and had some birthday money. We had also just left hospital where he was being treated and I needed that comment like a hole in the head. I was too shocked to respond, well, stunned.

Sirzy · 03/07/2017 16:48

Sunshine - when she outgrows that look at whizz kids. Ds wasn't eligible for NHS wheelchair services but our OT did a referral to whizz kids and they will fund chairs for him now for as long as he needs one as a child.

Sunshinegirls · 03/07/2017 16:50

Thanks sirzy

BabyDubsEverywhere · 03/07/2017 16:52

I was lambasted by a women serving in Boots in when DS1 was little. She was astounded I was carrying him and I should let him walk 'at his age', and that's why kids were so fat these days. She thought he was 2... he was 7 months old.
I was not as polite as you were.

kaitlinktm · 03/07/2017 16:55

She was the one who was rude. You were being polite, and AFTER she was rude you politely corrected her.

Her Dad doesn't sound like he is going to be much of a support to his daughter if he lets random strangers say nasty things about her.

What were you supposed to do - creep off apologetically?

araiwa · 03/07/2017 17:15

I wouldnt even bother engaging at all.

You told her off and what good will it do?

Is xp bothered that you tell random strangers about dds medical condition?

HorridHenryrule · 03/07/2017 17:16

Your ex sounds like a wimp and very unmanly. Someone spoke horribly about his child and all he thinks about is himself.

HorridHenryrule · 03/07/2017 17:18

You told her off and what good will it do?

It will teach her to keep her mouth shut in future. I don't stand for no nonsense because then they think they can do it again.

araiwa · 03/07/2017 17:23

People who behave like that in the first place wont stop because they were told off

dentydown · 03/07/2017 17:25

My dad was struck down by tb meningitis at the age of 5 (1950s). He had to use a pushchair for a while at that age. (my uncles wore the wheels out and used it to steal apples with later on!)

Just after he had come out of hospital, a lady came up to him at a fair and called him lazy and he should walk like the other children. My grandfather gave her such a rocket up the arse!
What you did was restrained.

CadnoDrwg · 03/07/2017 17:27

I wiped the floor with someone who made a dig at me when my 4 year old at the time was ill. Being 6 months pregnant meant I couldn't carry her and she couldn't bear any weight on her feet so I dug out her old stroller.

The woman to be fair had the dignity to go scarlet and apologise but you're right, there's no need to go judging other people.

bluechameleon · 03/07/2017 17:37

I don't see the problem with a 3 year old using a buggy anyway. My son is 2y9m and I can't imagine we will have completely abandoned the buggy in 3m time. I walk as much as possible, often going out for whole days out around town without the car. He is a long way off being able to walk for that long. Does everyone else have much better walkers than me?

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 03/07/2017 17:41

People are insane.

I once had a woman walk backwards into DS's buggy and then blame him for being too close.

Good thing I was young and naive. These days I'd have rammed her with it.

Foniks · 03/07/2017 17:47

Blue I'm with you on that. I don't get the issue with it and why it's so often discussed on parenting sites. If you're not driving, and you're having a long day, what do people expect a 3 year old to do?! So weird. A 3 year old can't keep up with a very long day, or walking miles and miles like adults or older children can. That's literally the reason so many driving parents decide to use the car for days like that, and if you don't drive why on earth should there be higher expectations on your 3 year old than there is a 3 year old who's parents drive! Ridiculous.
When mine is older, if she needs the buggy for a day out, we'll be using the buggy, and if anybody says anything I'll tell them about themselves.

Most kids I know have used buggies at 3 too, not locally obviously, but also for long days, and as far as I know only 1 ever had anybody mention anything (more than once actually) and just because it was a very very tall child so assumed much older.

DrunkUnicorn · 03/07/2017 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Deemail · 03/07/2017 18:03

Good for you, hopefully it'll make her think twice before opening her mouth about stuff that's not her business in future.

IDoDaChaCha · 03/07/2017 18:55

One day she'll get a slap going around insulting strangers like that. My DD is tall; in age 2-3 clothes at 16mos. She outgrew her lie flat pram at 5mos! It's nobody's business but yours. I can't stand it when a bloke says you embarrassed them for reacting in a perfectly normal way. Grrr... X

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