To feel a bit out we didn't receive a proper thank you

[sassylocks]

I understand that it was our choice and you don't give gifts just to get a thank you however I can't help but feel a bit put out that we have just given a very expensive gift and large sum of money (to us right now) to SIL as a wedding present- we weren't invited as it was an overseas wedding. Money is really tight right now and I'm a bit peeved that the only thank you was a casual one when DH called to see how the wedding went and asked if she received the money and gift we sent. AIBU? I don't really see a prompting call from DH as a genuine thank you but maybe I'm being over the top?!

Title should read to feel a bit put out*

When was the wedding? I totally agree a card is necessary but it may take a few weeks. I got married a month ago, and am only about half way through writing 70 or so cards.

YANBU. At least you got that though. I gave my sister cash, never even got a text or anything to say thank you. Not a word! Seems to be the way these days though. I felt bad because we couldn't afford muc cash for a friends wedding, but we still got a proper thank you card with one of their wedding pictures on, I appreciated the effort they had gone to wrt thank yous.

It sounds like the wedding was recent? It took me a few months to get all of my thank yous out between waiting for photographs, ordering thank you cards and writing about a hundred or more of them.

About 6 weeks ago but they didn't have any wedding guests and only about 5/6 people sent gifts according to MIL. I fully understand for a more conventional wedding with lots of guests it can take several months.

If the wedding was very recent then YABU, thank you cards generally arrive a month or two after the event. You ABU to give more than you can afford and then complain, that's not your SIL's issue.

6 weeks? Abroad? When did they get back to the U.K?

Honestly I'd leave it 3 months before I got sniffy tbh!

They probably don't even have their cards yet.

What was the reason for the large amount of cash?
Did you go to the wedding?
How much was it?

They might have ordered thank you cards with a photo from the wedding on them, in which case, it'll take a while for the formal thank you notes to go out.

Or maybe one party doesn't believe in thank you notes so the other is struggling through writing them all because they do. Not that I know what that is like but I imagine it slows down the speed with which notes get sent out 😬

You don't mention being peeved at her new spouse, why is it only SIL's responsibility to thank you? It sounds like there is a back story between you and your SIL. Is there?

Crikey, it took me months to get our thank you cards out. Ill family member, house move, Christmas and full time job didn't help.

Perhaps they're too busy spending your hard earned cash up the mall

Nb if money is really tight why n earth would you give a lot of money? Strange decision to prioritise their family over yours 🤔

I once gave a decent amount of cash (for us) to a relative and got a short text back, felt like a slap in the face, as if we hadnt gave them enough.