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Hobbies with a newborn

6 replies

SoonToBeThreee · 02/07/2017 21:11

I'm currently 7 months pregnant, it's our first baby so everything is new to us.
DP has 2 hobbies, one of those is joint but he's more keen on it than I am. These take up an evening each a week and involve getting home late.
I am more than happy to give up my hobbies for the baby and expected this as I plan to breastfeed. (I've already given up most things due to pregnancy related illness anyway).
Me and DP hadn't really discussed his hobbies after baby is here until today, as I kinda thought he might take a few weeks off so he would be with me and the baby more.
I brought up the issue at a bad time, he had just had to cancel 2 weeks of one of the hobbies (due to antenatal classes falling on the same evening) and is upset as didn't realise the dates clashed.
When I gently brought up if he would be upset missing this hobby for a few weeks when the baby arrived, he made a comment about not realising he had to give everything up and seemed annoyed. I pointed out that it was our baby and I couldn't just up and leave to go out if I wanted to.
He is always supportive and I know if I said I really didn't want him to go for a few weeks, he would agree to it but I don't want him to resent me. Neither of us know what the done thing is and I guess a lot depends on how the birth goes.
Am I being unreasonable here to want him home, at the least whilst he's on paternity leave?

OP posts:

PopcornNRedwine · 02/07/2017 21:16

It's his baby too. And ok, if you're breast feeding you may not want to physically go too far away, but you should be entitled alone time too.

So providing he has factored that and isn't going to leave you holding the baby, then he shouldn't have to give up anything he doesn't have to.

There is no "done thing" really. But family support would be pretty important


fanfrickintastic · 02/07/2017 21:17

YANBU. Put your foot down now. A few (4, but more depending on your recovery & mental state?) Is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but not asking for it, will lead to resentment.


pinkyredrose · 02/07/2017 21:19

Ask him.what's more important. His baby or his hobby? ? What is his hobby? (Please don't say cycling)


MrsTerryPratchett · 02/07/2017 21:20

Honestly, neither of you will know until the baby is here. You could have a difficult birth, issues BFing, colicky baby, cluster feeder, PN depression. Or you could have an easy birth, quiet and happy feeder, sleeper who gives you some peace. I understand the second type exists but didn't have one!


suffolknclose · 02/07/2017 21:20

A couple of evenings out if all is well is not the end of the world. He may want to forego his hobbies once baby is actually here. My DP is on paternity leave and I've been encouraging him out to do his training. I can survive for a couple of hours and once he's back at work I'll have no choice!


SoonToBeThreee · 02/07/2017 21:24

Thanks for the replies, I feel less like a control freak now! I'm sure if I'd have asked him at a better time I would have got a better response but too late, it's done now!
I've got a feeling when baby is here he will want to be home and won't mind missing a few weeks but I like to plan ahead.
He's laid back and doesn't see the need to plan this far ahead, when there are so many unknowns.
We are the first out of our friends to be in this situation so have nothing to go by.

OP posts:
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