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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt that my toddler won't cuddle me?

9 replies

Ramona87 · 02/07/2017 20:00

DS is 17 months and just will not cuddle me. He plays with me and laughs with me but when it comes to physical acts of affection he is having none of it. Very rarely he will lie his head on me for a matter of seconds if he's tired, but that's it.
The thing is he's all over DP a lot more and will actively go to him for cuddles. I've noticed he seems far more affectionate with the men in his life ATM (and even some old men with their grandkids that we don't know in the park Blush). I'm always playing with him, singing songs etc, making him laugh, tickling etc. I work part time so he is home with me more often.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt by this? And a bit jealous? Anyone here who's little boys were the same around this age who grew out of this as they got older? Trying to not take it personally as I know he's just a kid but it's hard!

OP posts:
MissMarple11 · 02/07/2017 20:11

Yes. Mine wasn't very cuddly and was very strong willed from that age till around 2 and a half. All I heard were him shouting 'no mummy and 'Mine' a lot. Around 3 he became far more chilled and I started getting kisses and cuddles. Now he's 5 and loves a cuddle and tells me he loves me. You definitely need a thick skin with kids.

Cynara · 02/07/2017 20:11

My little boy is 2, and he loves the company of men. He's all over my DP, my brother, BIL, and any random man we meet in the shops or the park (he says a cheery "hello!" and hols his arms out for cuddles. Sometimes very sweet, sometimes embarrassing.) With me, my mum, my sister, all my female friends, he's pleasant and friendly but not physically affectionate. I used to find it quite hurtful but he's been like this for so long now that I've got used to it, and I think it's just that he identifies with men and somehow recognises that he's like them, iyswim? We went to the park today and I had to stop him joining in with a game of football played by teenage boys. He was thrilled to see them, it's like he wants to be their mate.
I'm sure your son's behaviour is no reflection on his relationship with you. You're his mum and he loves and depends on you (this is what I tell myself, anyway!)

kate20091985 · 02/07/2017 20:14

I had the exact same thing with my little boy. Started around the same age and stopped when I had my little girl 9 months ago. It actually upset me deeply; if he'd fall and hurt himself he'd go straight to his dad and tantrum if I tried to cuddle him. If we were by ourselves he'd rather throw himself on the floor than have a cuddle off me.
I was heartbroken over it and felt like I'd lost him. He came through it though!! I didn't push it with him and I think after I had my little girl he maybe got slightly jealous so started coming for cuddles again. But I honestly think he would have come out of it anyway. It's just a horrible phase some toddlers go through. It'll get better! Flowers

woodwaj · 02/07/2017 20:14

My little boy is 2.5 he isnt a cuddler. You know what works a treat... 'Do you want some chocolate?' Ok can I have a kiss? Everyone is happy 😅

hippadoppaloppagorillapig · 02/07/2017 21:02

DD2 isn't very cuddly either. She'll put her arms up to me, but when I pick her up, she's wriggling to get down almost straightaway. She's not really into sitting on my lap unless we're reading or singing songs. She'll cuddle up to DH though. On the flipside DD1 is extremely cuddly so she makes up for it!

Original poster
Ramona87 · 02/07/2017 21:27

Thanks! I know I need to toughen up with it and try not to take it personally, but that's much easier said than done.
Lovely to hear your little Ines grew out of it, gives me some reassurance!
The men thing, my DS is very clearly a lad's lad ATM! He never used to be as much but now these days he seems fascinated with them, he too asks strangers for cuddles. Y holding his hand out! He also goes up to men sat on benches and tries to rest his head on their leg! But I, his mother can't get a cuddle ha!

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 02/07/2017 21:29

The only time my 11 month old will accept a cuddle is if he wants to sleep on me. Sometimes he will climb up me but it's usually to whack me in the face Hmm

MaisieDotes · 02/07/2017 21:35

I have a 17mo old who is exactly the same. Bloody Velcro baby until it suited him now he's off like a rocket! Grin

Loves DH at the moment, screeches and runs away when I come along. I know it's just a phase as we went through exactly the same thing with DS1 who is now nearly 3 and very cuddly. At the time I thought it was because of the new baby (the one who's currently 17mo) but now that it's happening again I think it's just a general phase.

MycatDixi · 02/07/2017 21:49

My 2.5yr ds never cuddles me anymore either! Miss those times he'd be in bed with me cuddled up having booby when he was a baby!!! :(

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