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DP looked through my phone when I was sleeping

23 replies

Snoopingdh123 · 02/07/2017 19:15

I was having a nap on the sofa (am pregnant and ill - don't judge me yet!)

When I woke up, dp said he'd been looking through my phone including all of my MN threads and had a go at me for 'talking about him on the internet'

I've looked at his phone before, to find a picture or a text etc but have never ever snooped, for him to have gone through it enough to open up my internet and navigate my MN and find what I've been saying means he must have had a proper snoop!

I'm very angry, we've been together 5 years, have DC together etc and have never had affairs or anything and I've told him he clearly doesn't trust me if he's looking through my phone.

AIBU to think you don't look through someones phone to that extent 'just to have a look' what would you do in this situation? Should I let it go?

OP posts:

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 02/07/2017 19:19



Babyblues14 · 02/07/2017 19:20

My dp checked my phone a few weeks ago. More specifically my Instagram. He doesn't have it and I only got it because I am pregnant and wanted to put the pictures up somewhere and I hate Facebook.
Took a picture of bump while I was in the bath. You couldn't see anything only bump sticking out of the water. But dp wasnt happy. I basically told him to get over it.
But I didnt care about the fact he looked at my phone, I told him the password myself, I have nothing to hide so he can search wherever he likes Grin


RestlessTraveller · 02/07/2017 19:30

I would be furious. However on MN phone snooping is perfectly acceptable.


lottiegarbanzo · 02/07/2017 19:34

It's only considered acceptable if the person is believed to be having an affair. Even then, acceptability is contested.


RestlessTraveller · 02/07/2017 19:36

It's really not. I could find you any amount of threads that start with the slightest of hunches and everyone is absent lately fine with it.


RestlessTraveller · 02/07/2017 19:36

The one's with all the "trust your gut" replies is a good place to start.


lottiegarbanzo · 02/07/2017 19:38

For me, openness goes with trust. So yes, I could ask DP to check my messages to find a detail for me - because I know there'd be nothing of concern to be seen there but, while I don't hide my MN username (and don't talk about him particularly, as it happens) I would consider it a big breach of trust if he went searching for me here. He has access / lack of secrecy, only because he wouldn't abuse it.


BarbarianMum · 02/07/2017 19:38

What Restless said. I'd be horrified if dh felt the need to do this but I've heard it advocated many times on here.


NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 02/07/2017 19:40

Definitely NBU, I'd be annoyed.


RainbowsAndUnicorn · 02/07/2017 19:42

If you asked before looking for his texts and pictures, then YANBU and he is very wrong. If you didn't then perhaps he feels it's no different to your behaviour.

I'd hate anyone to go through mine, it crosses a line.


grungeneverdied · 02/07/2017 19:44

Partner can look through my phone whenever she likes, couldn't care tbh nothing to hide. But looking at threads about himself is quite hilarious in my eyes haha


Louiselouie0890 · 02/07/2017 19:48

I snoop. Not because I dont trust him usually when I'm bored and want something to nosey at lol


Onhold · 02/07/2017 19:49

I'd be well pissed off if my DP looked through my phone. I am my own person.My DP doesn't have to know every single thing I do.Nor me him.


hopefullygood · 02/07/2017 19:53

I don't think it's a problem for a partner to go into your phone if they need to find something like a phone number etc!

But going through your mumsnet is out of order! Snooping through all you messages etc is not on either.

Why did he feel the need to do that? That's what I would be asking!


Glitteratii · 02/07/2017 19:53

Does he know you've written about him complaining about you writing about him on the internet? Grin


LikebeinginMI5 · 02/07/2017 19:54

I look through dh phone daily, have him in find a friend so I can always see where he is and am generally controlling and jealous (but he understands why). He never looks at my phone but I wouldn't care at all. He even asks before he goes in my bag if he needs for example some money from my purse or something for dc I've told him so many times I don't care if he goes through my bag!


Saiman · 02/07/2017 19:57

Yanbu. I got dh doing and told him he was a twat, changed my passcode and told him snooping was not on.

Whats next hiring a pi? Putting a tracker in your car boot?

Trust is a concept, a belief. If it has to be proved its not there. I was more than hapoy for dh have access to my phone. Until he went through personal and private converstations i have had with my friends.

He obviously didnt find anything to get upset about. Because i dont cheat. But i am entitled to privacy.


ThatsNotMyMarmot · 02/07/2017 19:59

Here's a biscuit for Snoops Old man Biscuit


MrsTerryPratchett · 02/07/2017 20:00

My feeling is that people don't trust because they are untrustworthy and tar you with that brush. Any reason to suspect he's doing something he shouldn't?


RedSkyAtNight · 02/07/2017 20:00

Surely simply knowing your username will allow him to find all your MN posts? Without even going near your phone ...


redannie118 · 02/07/2017 20:01

My dh uses my phone all the time (he can never find his !) But only google search , photos and email(his email not mine)he says everything else is mine and i have a right to privacy. As he can use my phone anytime he wants he knows there are no trust issues. Sorry op but thats bang out of order and i would be bloody furious !


MrsKCastle · 02/07/2017 20:40

My DH can use my phone at any time, so if his is low on battery etc, that would be fine. However, I would definitely consider it an invasion of my privacy if he went looking at what I'd posted on MN.

It would be the same the other way round, I would borrow his phone for a specific purpose but would never look at internet history or who he has spoken to on Whatsapp.



CheshireChat · 02/07/2017 22:37

Does he realise that what he did is out of order? Even if he did suspect you of cheating, your MN posting history is unlikely to provide any answers.

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