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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know whether to take this as a compliment or an insult?

53 replies

JustHereForThePooStories · 02/07/2017 18:58

Recently bumped into a girl I went to uni with. Didn't know each other very well and she was always a bit of a queen bee type, and would always try to put someone down- hence why I kept my distance.

Turns out, she and my husband now work for the same (huge) company, and in the same building. She asked me what dept he worked in etc and I told her and she tilted her head and said "oh yes, he's the very manly looking one, isn't he?".

It's not a phrase I heard used before so didn't know how to take it. Google suggests "manly" in linked to personality, rather than looks.

My husband is very tall, dark hair, tidy beard, but of a beer belly. I think he's terrifically handsome, but I don't think he necessarily turns heads in the street.

My gut instinct was to take it as a compliment but, from my interactions from her in university, my guard is up.

OP posts:
ptumbi · 03/07/2017 07:22

I get why galling a female a 'girl' is insulting, which is why I Hmm at the advert for 'this girl can'....

It even ends with an elderly female swimmer.

ArcturianMegaDonkey · 03/07/2017 07:24

A bit insulting to men in general as it implies some men are "unmanly". However, I'd just ignore what she said - it was a throw-away comment that could be a compliment, could be an insult, or could be neutral. You're placing too much importance on what she thinks of you, your DP and what your choice in partner says about you.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/07/2017 09:24

Surely a man wouldnt say..a man l went to uni with. Would say ..a guy l went to uni with.
Manly sounds positive to me.

Bluntness100 · 03/07/2017 09:32

Manly is a compliment.

As for girl. A man wouldn't have said I bumped into a boy I went to uni with, he'd say man, guy, bloke or something, So I agree it's a way of reducing a woman. The op should have said a woman she went to uni with.

It doesn't bother me however, although I hate it when women refer to themselves personally as girls or if someone refers to me as a girl.

PrettyBelle · 03/07/2017 12:16

It wouldn't be- if an adult man ever said "A boy I went to uni with".........

Girl is a female version of guy in this context.

Woman is a female version of man.

BeepBeepMOVE · 03/07/2017 13:13

I say manly as a compliment.

I like a manly man as opposed to a metrosexual type man.

supermoon100 · 03/07/2017 13:17

Manly sounds ok, not sure about calling someone you don't know very well a queen bee

nina2b · 03/07/2017 13:19

Using girl is not unacceptable. She was a girl when she was at university etc etc. And yes, we all know what "queen bee" means and most of us know it us a perfect description of a certain type.

Some people try so hard, it is exhausting.

nina2b · 03/07/2017 13:20

...is a

nina2b · 03/07/2017 13:22

The OP knows the queen bee - now former queen bee - well enough to guess she will probably still be a passive aggressive creature. Lol

nina2b · 03/07/2017 13:23

PrettyBelle

It wouldn't be- if an adult man ever said "A boy I went to uni with".........

Girl is a female version of guy in this context.

Woman is a female version of man.

Correct.

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2017 14:37

"Girl is a female version of guy in this context."

No it isn't!

PrettyBelle · 03/07/2017 14:42

BertrandRussell

Then what is the female equivalent of "guy"?

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2017 14:46

There isn't one, except, increasingly, "guys".

Girl is a word with a meaning- it means a young, not yet adult female human. And as such is demeaning and diminishing to use bout adult women.

JessicaEccles · 03/07/2017 14:46

Then what is the female equivalent of "guy"?

Guy.

As in 'what are you guys up to? In the singular, woman.

PrettyBelle · 03/07/2017 15:02

Doesn't work in OP's example though. If she were to say "a guy I went to Uni with" everyone would - rightly - assume that she is talking about someone male.

I don't think that "girl" is diminishing in this context. In a professional environment it would not be appropriate. However I don't have a problem with "ladies" either.

PrettyBelle · 03/07/2017 15:05

But I wouldn't necessarily want to be called "guys".

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2017 15:07

"Doesn't work in OP's example though. If she were to say "a guy I went to Uni with" everyone would - rightly - assume that she is talking about someone male."

What's so terrifying about the word "woman"?

VeryButchyRestingFace · 03/07/2017 15:08

I've never heard "manly" used as a euphemism for "fat bastard."

Not saying that your husband is, OP, just that this is what I interpreted you to think Queen Bee/girl was trying to imply.

I think she was paying him a compliment. Do you think she fancies him?

PrettyBelle · 03/07/2017 15:13

Because "girl" also means "young woman", not just a child or an "adolescent".

When used in a conversation, "woman" is more formal and may also imply an older age. When I refer to my friends I always call them "girls". If she is just an acquaintance or a stranger, then a "woman" (if roughly over 30-32).

Same reason why men tend to say "guy" or "bloke" about friends, not "men".

MommaGee · 03/07/2017 15:56

It really depends on how she said it. Could be she fancies him. Could be she thinks its an independsCould be a general term - tall and hairy. I'd really not lose sleep over it or the slating you're getting for using the g word

MadamPatti · 03/07/2017 18:18

She's not from Aberdeen is she?? Grin

MrsBakedBean · 11/07/2017 14:13

My mother says she's "going out with the girls" She's 70+ as are most of her friends. Is that wrong now?

Trollspoopglitter · 11/07/2017 14:22

Yes, apparently she's demeaning us all Hmm

quartofquakingquills · 11/07/2017 14:23

As a qualitative statement it's pretty meaningless. A man can look 'manly' and be quite normal. Your guard is probably up for a good reason relating to the relationship between you and her.

YANBU. Ignore.