To not want to be her friend???

[hopefullygood]

So I had been friends with this lady for a few years we have been quite close we chat on the phone or message everyday.

My boyfriend took his own life recently which completely crushed me and I was in a very bad place but I have a child and I am doing my best to keep myself above water and get on with life even though I am very sad about it and miss my boyfriend terribly!

Anyway I am starting to feel like I don't want to be friends with this lady anymore! I will give a few examples of why:

She rang me to talk to me about an issue she had when she finished talking I mentioned to her that it was going to be my boyfriends birthday tomorrow and I was feeling down about it! She told me she had to go as she was getting in the car and didn't have earphones and she would call me later! (She normally talks to me without the earphones on loudspeaker). She didn't call me later and I think she didn't call me or message me until late the next day I think! I was crying all day and in a very bad way and she didn't show support!

Now she has been seeing a guy for a year who told her at the start he didn't want a relationship she was fine with this! A year later she said she wants a relationship he didn't! he then blocked her from his phone and WhatsApp!

She was understandably upset as his behavior was out of order, I was being supportive towards her but she started ringing all the time telling me she can't sleep, she can't eat, she's been crying in the shower, when she did eat she made herself sick after as it didn't sit well on her!

Now like I say I understand her being upset but she is being extremely sad and calling me to describe how sad she is when I have just lost the man I love in a tragic way and I have a lot of shit going on! Since he died I had issues eating at the start and couldn't sleep and still only go to bed when I'm exhausted now! But I'm trying my best to be strong and positive.

She then sent me a quote about something to do with grief and I honestly feel she was talking about her situation not mine! And she posted it on her Facebook!

I asked her is that how she's feeling coz honestly she has been acting like some one has died! She replied and said made me think of you! But as she posted it on her Facebook I honestly think she was saying it about herself

I text her and told her I'm maybe not the best person to speak to about this stuff at the moment as it's bringing up stuff for me etc!

When I looked on her Facebook again after the text I sent her she had deleted it.

She also admitted to me that she keeps all these guys around when she has stopped dating them so she can use them! She has two builder guys, one guy that sometimes gives her money and she wanted to keep the last guy as he gives her money and is in the same industry as her work wise so she said he's useful to have around (even though he blocked her as he didn't want a relationship).

So I am feeling like she is very self absorbed and very demanding of my time when she has a problem and not very supportive towards me! And considering what's happened in my life recently I don't think she should be putting her major sadness on me over a man who never wanted a relationship with her in the first place!

So am I being unreasonable to not want to be her friend any longer?

Ps sorry it's so long! I tired to keep it short

She is self-absorbed, self-centred and a self-confessed user of people.

No one needs someone like that in their life, but you particularly don't after suffering the loss of your boyfriend

Ditch her and let her move on to her next victim

I hope you had some better friends who can support you

Stop answering her calls or messages. My god, she sounds like one self centred madam.

You poor love, with all you've been through you don't need the drain of this idiot. Take comfort from people who are actual friends; ones who don't use you.

Thank you for your reply! I have got other friends who are supportive! We listen to each other and support each other! Friendship has to be a two way thing!

Just want to say, I am so so sorry for your loss x

Well I have told her days ago I didn't feel like chatting she has still been messaging and now I am feeling guilty for not replying and I have been replying! I feel like I will have to tell her how I feel as she doesn't give up easily

Thank you questioning - it has been the worst time of my life but I am strong and I am getting through it somehow! At the start I didn't think I would ever be able to function again

How awful for you 💐

You don't need someone in your life that is selfish. Friendships should be mutually beneficial and this one does not seem like it is.

So sorry for you loss. I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through

YADNBU to want to stop being her friend. She sounds nasty, self-centred, toxic and a complete user. You are better off without negative people like that in your life, especially in a time like this when you really need to surround yourself with people that care about you.

You hit the nail on the head by saying that friendship has to be a two-way street.

Wow Ditch the Witch x

Sorry for your loss. It's often in these tough times that we find out who our true friends are. She is not thinking of you, only herself. The fact that she admits to using people...that alone would make me cut her out of my life for good. I've known people like this and it never ends well.

Just ignore her
Or if you have to reply, say something like "As you know, I've got a lot to deal with right now and I'm not able to give you the emotional support you seem to want from me. I hope everything resolves itself soon" and leave it at that

You owe her nothing, she is callous and self centred.

My condolences to you, I hope you are getting the support you deserve from other people.

Spare - I actually have said something similar I sent her this:

I'm sorry I'm not in the mood for chatting today! I feel like all this stuff you have going on with "mr x" is kinda bringing up stuff for me! Like right now I would be really happy to have "my boyfriend" alive even If he never wanted to see me or speak to me again!

And while I'm listening to your stuff and your really sad about your situation I'm trying to be supportive but it's just making me sad! I'm sorry your going through all this but I'm not sure I'm the best person to speak to right now! ☹️

After that she replied and said she doesn't want to burden me etc and she knows her issue seems insignificant in comparison. But she has continued to call and text me after that! So that's why I feel maybe I need to list those examples I gave in my original post and explain why I feel how I feel as she hasn't given me space since that Message she has text me everyday! But not called too much just once!

Also when that man blocked her from his phone I was being supportive but she then emailed him telling him how his behavior was unfair and unkind! He replied to her to basically say sorry and then she asked him to meet up. It's like she won't easily let things go

Then you need to ignore her!
Block her for a bit if you need to but you need to focus on you, and not have her bullshit because she won't take no for an answer

Your right! But I just feel mean!

Obviously I have given those examples as they have upset me, but she has done nice things before too, I think that's why I feel bad to block her and ignore her. But I have realized that even though she has done nice things before these issues are so big to me I just don't want to be friends and I don't want to feel obliged to talk to her

She doesn't feel mean when she is insensitively whinging on about her man troubles, so she won't be thinking you are mean...

Maybe she doesn't react very well to deaths?

Oh op I'm so sorry for your loss

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I'm glad to hear you have some other friends who can support you (plus you know us lot are always here too X)

I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt that sometimes people don't know how to react to someone dying. I've seen good nice people just stop calling as they don't know what to say. But that doesn't seem to be the case here! She seems very self obsessed and not what you need at all.

Just say you can't talk right now. Then disengage. You've been polite. And you really have got enough on your plate. Don't feed her.

Take care of yourself. I know that's easier said than done

She honestly is so self obsessed that she's harassing you now. No wonder the poor bloke blocked her, she's obsessional. Block her for a few weeks. Honestly, take time for you. She's not giving you time or space to grieve.

Not I'm sure it's not that she isn't good with deaths, if she did stop calling etc then I could think maybe she felt uncomfortable about deaths but with her behavior I think it is just a case of she just cares about her own issues way more than anyone else's

So I have not been getting back to my friend and she keeps calling and texting so today I sent her this:

"Friends name" I just don't want to talk to you right now, you sent that quote about grief when really you have no idea what I'm going through, you've had this situation going on with " mr x" and I feel that you put all your sadness on me, when as you said yourself that situation is insignificant compared to mine. I don't have space to deal with your drama at this time in my life! I still have so so much going on with my own emotions! So please don't contact me I will contact you when I'm ready!