To ask would you judge this?

[ShinyNewUsernameToday]

I'll start off by saying I don't.

Ds (4) likes all things pink/barbie/MLP etc. This doesn't bother me at all.
I've bought him a "trolls" school bag which is pink.
He has already had some comments about being too girly as it is & is sensitive so am I making it worse by letting him have this bag?
Some parents have made passing comments too which really piss me off

When dd 1st started in reception, I took her uniform shopping. I gave her the choice of cardigans or jumpers, trousers or skirts.
Polos or blouses. ( most wear polos but blouses are also acceptable)
She chose a jumper and trousers with a blouse. I simply explained she could wear what ever she wanted but there might be a few who say that the trousers and jumpers are for boys. Also it was very likely that the other girls in her class would be wearing cardigan and skirts.
She said she still wanted trousers and jumpers so that's what's I got for her.
It wasn't long though before she was asking for cardigans and skirts though because the other kids said she dressed like a boy.
So I think if you give him a heads up that there will be some children who says his bag is a "girls" then let him make his own decision

It is absolutely fine for him to play with pink things at 4. However, be aware that other children may pick on him for having, say, a pink bag. This may get worse when he goes to school. Keep the bag for home. Don't make things difficult for your child. I find it quite bad that adults would comment on this -it is rude.

I have a 6 year old DS and he loves a mixture of things. Some typically boyish, some typically girlish. I wouldn't say he is particularly confident but he likes what he likes and i encourage that. I agree with a previous poster about how girls and told they can be anything they want, wear whatever they want etc but it doesn't seem to be the same for boys and I think that is a shame.

You would need a VERY confident 4yo to be able to stand up in a way that most adults don't IMO

But that's just the thing - they don't stand up to it, they don't even think about it until some twat comes along and says "That's against the rules, you're not allowed to like this colour." I'm sure it's been referenced on the thread already but pink used to be a "boys" colour, and blue was for girls. It's so arbitrary and silly to worry about this stuff.

@redpeppers said what I would say..

I'd judge the hell out of adults who made stupid comments about a 4 year old's choice of bag.

We've never made colours a boy/girl thing at home. My 6 year old ds recently chose a bright pink water bottle as he needed a new one. He did say a boy and a girl in his class commented on it; but they weren't mean about it. He isn't bothered in the slightest.

Brave my point is that most ADULTS would not go against what are the societal 'rules'.
Because standing out is hard work. Not just because you don't have enough self esteem.

If you don't expect adults to do so (and very clearly they don't- just look around you), how can you expect a 4yo to have the strength of character to do so??

I said my two dcs didn't quite fit as children. They still don't as teenagers. dc1 IS very self confident (a bit too much sometimes ). He has been known to buy a fleece at the women section because the colour is better. He carries on with what he likes to do at home (frown upon at school) etc. But at school, he has learnt the best hing to do is to 'fit in' if you don't want to be alone and/or to be bullied. He would never wear a jumper with the 'wrong' colour. He wouldn't have a school bah thatbstands up too much. Because the consequences of it are too hard to deal with on a day to day basis.

Is it sad? I bet it is.
But at the same time, I think our role as parent is also to protect them and ensure that they don't end up in stick/hard to deal with situations when they are still children.
At 4yo he might still get away with it. At 6 or 7yo, he most certainly won't.

TBH I'd judge someone who wouldn't send their child into school with a beloved item they have bought them because they assume other kids are narrow minded. I like a parent who breaks gender stereotypes, good for you OP

I'd just think he obviously likes Trolls.

I dunno about other people but my 4yo daughter and her friends aren't judgemental about clothing choices. If her male friend had a trolls backpack she's probably be jealous and nag me for the same but it would never cross her mind to make fun. Same with her peers, 4yo kids just don't think that way, they learn it from judgmental adults

There is no logical reason why any pre-school child would have any concept of what is for boys or girls and I've always wondered how they pick it up, but posts like khajiits above seem to demonstrate that it comes from parents.

It's really sad that they'e effectively training their DCs to bully their peers for being independent free thinkers even at that age - see the post about the boy in the pink glasses.

Like others, I would judge adults who see an issue in the colour of clothes and accessories for boys or girls, or anyone really, not a boy who has a pink schoolbag FFS.

I'd just think he obviously likes Trolls.

I would too. I wouldn't have said Trolls were obviously "girly" either, in the way, say, Frozen stuff is (not that that particularly matters, but FWIW).

I wouldn't be judging you or your child. I'd be judging the obsession with 'fitting in' and 'not standing out' and 'not sticking your head above the parapet' which is endemic is this country. Children aren't born with an innate knowledge of who is 'allowed' to have a pink school bag. They pick it up from what is sometimes knuckle-dragging parental ignorance ('my toddler son will catch gayness if he pushes a pram, or ever wears a colour that isn't blue or khaki!') but more often a fear of their child standing out, which, these days, is unduly restrictive of little boys whose keeping to male gender norms after they start school is tightly policed.

Not at all, I was in build a bear with my son yesterday and there was this little boy in front of us who had picked a my little pony and was enjoying dressing it up, he was so happy

Of course not, he's only 4 he's just picked what looked nice to him.

My DS has ASD and loves wearing dresses, tutus, very girly things and I let him at home. I think it's really sweet. At school I wouldn't let him though, he already stands out like a sore thumb don't want to make his life any harder even though that makes me sad.

I do think your ds was like a lamb to the slaughter. Any adult would have surely predicted this.Thw whole pink for girls thing is wrong but a 4 yo should not have to be the trail blazer

OP....Recently my 12yr old Ds had food tech at secondary school. The only container we had on hand big enough was a large bright pink one that belonged to his sister. It was his bloody Dad that questioned the colour and was put in his place by Ds because pink is 'cool' for boys now. He also recently picked out some little pink and baby blue storage pots to take snacks in to school to because he liked the pastel colours!

no i wouldn't judge. so tired of all this pressure to do exactly the same as everyone else.

Yes I judge! The parents of the other children not you!

For crying out loud, it's really disheartening in 2017 to hear such bigoted, old fashioned ideas of what are traditionally boys and girls things. What does it matter? If my little girls don't want to be girlie and want to climb trees and dress as spiderman they can!

DS is 8 and his favourite colour has always been pink and he's often had pink accessories for school (drinks bottle etc). When its own clothes day, he chooses pink t shirts / shorts (although they are boys clothes, so not sure if that makes any difference). No one has ever mentioned it, they just accept it's his favourite colour.

I wouldn't judge you or him, I would judge the parents passing comment. He's four FFS! If any adults comment again I would pull them up on why they felt it was ok to try to destroy a four year olds confidence

I wouldn't judge your son or you. I judge parents who make stupid remarks about it. DS1 went through a very girly phase, wearing fairy wings, having toenails painted, reading fairy comics.

It isn't the parents that judge and even if they did I would expect them to have enough manners to keep it to themselves.

It is the children who could judge.

I childmind and look after a girl in reception , she has had a couple of comments about a coat that a boy said was too babyish and wouldn't wear it anymore..Equally her mum struggled to get her to wear a coat because it wasn't pick.. I have challenged her when she said pink was a girls colour. However she still believes it.

Equally another girl 4 had her bedroom done out with a dinosaur theme at that age because that is what she loved but at school , she didn't wear a dinosaur coat.,

If you think all 4 year olds don't have gender bias you are deluded. Not liking gender colouring is one thing , making your child be the one to challenge it is not so great.

My DS wanted to go as the girl in the dress for world book day when he was 9..I didn't allow it simply as I know he would of gone in giggling and then when he had had enough of it been funny and people still made jokes he would of got upset. Another child that age may of been able to do that.